Joseph Braff's introduction

[Joeseph Braff]

Dear brothers of the Landover Baptist Church,
I am in dire need of help, I am a sinner and am desperatly trying to find the light. (i tried to open a new post for this but was not allowed to, this seemed like a sensible place to start)
For years i lost my faith, i turned to drugs, alcohol, and many other far worse vices. I am lost and confused, how can i start turning back to god?
Is there any hope for me or am i damned?

A lost soul

[Janine Walker]

Re: Joseph Braff's introduction

Dear brothers of the Landover Baptist Church,
I am in dire need of help, I am a sinner and am desperatly trying to find the light. (i tried to open a new post for this but was not allowed to, this seemed like a sensible place to start)
For years i lost my faith, i turned to drugs, alcohol, and many other far worse vices. I am lost and confused, how can i start turning back to god?
Is there any hope for me or am i damned?

A lost soul

I'm going to put as much effort into my reply as you did into your post..

Read a KJV1611(King James Version 1611) then get back to us.

Before you ask, yes KJV1611 is the only version we read, read the stickies before you ask anymore stupid questions.

Welcome and God bless, Janine Walker

[Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.]

Re: Joseph Braff's introduction

Dear Joeseph Braff,

Is there any hope for me or am i damned?

Whether there is hope depends on your past.

If you only committed innocent sins like rape and murder there is no problem. Jesus doesn't mind those things as long as you repent and have faith in Him. "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life: no man comes to the Father but by Me." (John 14:6)

However if you committed the much worse sin of blasphemy, it is game over. "Blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men." (Matthew 12:31)

I hope this clears matters up.

Yours in Christ,

Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.

[Gabriel Reproba]

Re: Joseph Braff's introduction

Welcome. I may know your brother, Zach.

Seriously, though, Zach Braff is going to Hell. Are you?

[Rebuko the Clown]

Re: Joseph Braff's introduction

That Zach Braff is certianly vocal when it comes to his opnions...

I really see no problem with it. At least half of the people involved are enjoying it. Why spoil their fun? - Zach Braff on rape

Look, those are some tasty eggs. And frankly, I can afford them. - Zach Braff on the endangered Californian condor

Well, at least I'm okay. - Zach Braff on 9/11

All I'm saying is the guy knew how to work a crowd. His speeches are like watching a masterclass in public speaking, and he used those leadership skills and natural charisma to get shit done. You have to admire that. - Zach Braff on Hitler

He may seem OK now, but wait until he jacks the radio from Air Force One. - Zach Braff on Obama

Well, I believe we have to give our nation's children a chance, you know? - Zach Braff on his porn collection

They were singing. Obviously, they were having a good time. - Zach Braff on slavery

It's sad; he still owes me $20. - Zach Braff on Heath Ledger's death

They were careless enough to become paralyzed in the first place; I don’t see why they should be on par with us in terms of transportation. - Zach Braff on wheelchair ramps

I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim? - Zach Braff on Hurricane Katrina

I thought the dollar menu helped things? - Zach Braff on world hunger

It’s all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in. - Zach Braff on the KKK

I’m not the kind of person who digs through things other people have thrown away. - Zach Braff on adoption

They didn't make you play dodgeball in junior high for nothing. - Zach Braff on drive-by shootings

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Joseph Braff's introduction

Dear brothers of the Landover Baptist Church,
I am in dire need of help, I am a sinner and am desperatly trying to find the light. (i tried to open a new post for this but was not allowed to, this seemed like a sensible place to start)
For years i lost my faith, i turned to drugs, alcohol, and many other far worse vices. I am lost and confused, how can i start turning back to god?
Is there any hope for me or am i damned?

A lost soul

The other True Christians™ on this thread have, as usual, given your perfectly Godly and wise responses. I, however, would like to hear more about these "far worse vices" that you mentioned above.

Did they involve gay sex? Or anal heterosexual intercourse? Or what about fellatio performed either by you or on you? These are the sorts of sins that I am an expert in, as I am a fully cured former sodomite myself.

As an Ex-Gay©, I found that unburdening my soul of my transgressions against the Lord was my first step toward curing myself of my gayness. And that of course helped me to find salvation and become a True Christian™.

Friend, you are in a safe place. Empty your heart of your gay sex secrets, we are here to help. Praise!