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Hello my brothers!
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am a Swiss follower of Jesus Christ, although most of my life, I have been following a false holy book. I have based my life on the teachings of a lutheran Bible, translated in Zurich around the time of World War I. I have tried to convert the Swiss sinners which still surround me to this day.
I think it is important to note that this country is an enclave of Satan. Everybody is sitting around on mountains, yodling, blowing alphorns and practicing sodomy (I shall spare you any further details) in this blasphemous place. As I found myself lost, during one of my hourly prayers, I asked the Lord to show me the true way, to guide me how to do his bidding. The Lord, in his almighty greatness, waited 17 days before answering my prayer, something for which he obviously has a perfectly good reason which I am merely too unworthy to comprehend. So, as I was blowing an alphorn on a mountain, watching satanist cows chew secular grass, the Lord revealed himself to me. He took the form of a holy bush, proceeded to ignite himself and talked to me in his holy awesomeness. At first I was surprised that he talked to me in English, but then he explained to me that I had followed the wrong book, that I had to repent and read the KJV1611. He led me to this fine church of yours and told me that I should seek guidance here, but he also told me that I am not allowed to leave my country, for I shall spread the word of salvation to my blasphemous neighbours. But first, the Lord said to me, I would, of course, have to read the actual word of himself. This would be the only way in which he will further communicate with me, so this revealing bush experience will sadly remain my only one of its kind. I proceeded to read the entire KJV1611, from the first to the last inspiring page. This took me a few days, my reading was partly delayed by regular prayers, of course. After reading the TRUE holy book, I started to repent and chastise myself. I would now like to take the final step and enter your wonderful church, thus making the first true step on the road of salvation.
I hope that you will accept me amongst you!
Please forgive my mediocre use of the English language, my tongue is uncapable of speaking or writing it perfectly, which is, of course, a punishment from the almighty for my sins.
Praise Christ!
The Lord's Alphorn
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am a Swiss follower of Jesus Christ, although most of my life, I have been following a false holy book. I have based my life on the teachings of a lutheran Bible, translated in Zurich around the time of World War I. I have tried to convert the Swiss sinners which still surround me to this day.
I think it is important to note that this country is an enclave of Satan. Everybody is sitting around on mountains, yodling, blowing alphorns and practicing sodomy (I shall spare you any further details) in this blasphemous place. As I found myself lost, during one of my hourly prayers, I asked the Lord to show me the true way, to guide me how to do his bidding. The Lord, in his almighty greatness, waited 17 days before answering my prayer, something for which he obviously has a perfectly good reason which I am merely too unworthy to comprehend. So, as I was blowing an alphorn on a mountain, watching satanist cows chew secular grass, the Lord revealed himself to me. He took the form of a holy bush, proceeded to ignite himself and talked to me in his holy awesomeness. At first I was surprised that he talked to me in English, but then he explained to me that I had followed the wrong book, that I had to repent and read the KJV1611. He led me to this fine church of yours and told me that I should seek guidance here, but he also told me that I am not allowed to leave my country, for I shall spread the word of salvation to my blasphemous neighbours. But first, the Lord said to me, I would, of course, have to read the actual word of himself. This would be the only way in which he will further communicate with me, so this revealing bush experience will sadly remain my only one of its kind. I proceeded to read the entire KJV1611, from the first to the last inspiring page. This took me a few days, my reading was partly delayed by regular prayers, of course. After reading the TRUE holy book, I started to repent and chastise myself. I would now like to take the final step and enter your wonderful church, thus making the first true step on the road of salvation.
I hope that you will accept me amongst you!
Please forgive my mediocre use of the English language, my tongue is uncapable of speaking or writing it perfectly, which is, of course, a punishment from the almighty for my sins.
Praise Christ!
The Lord's Alphorn
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