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  • UnReformedHeathen
    Unsaved trash
    • Jan 2012
    • 27

    #31
    Re: Need Your Advice

    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
    You aren't Christian, are you. You certainly haven't studied the Holy Bible.

    How can you hate evil, when God created it?
    Lord God,

    I beseech thee,

    to show this person who said this to me and I,

    the error of our ways.

    amen
    Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh.

    Comment

    • UnReformedHeathen
      Unsaved trash
      • Jan 2012
      • 27

      #32
      Re: Need Your Advice

      Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
      So what you're saying is that Jesus is going to do the right thing, so you don't have to.

      Well pal, I also have faith that Jesus is going to do the right thing. In your case, that means casting you into Hell.
      Lord Jesus the Christ,

      I petition thee to grant me this request.

      I request that if you are going to cast me into hell, to take all the blessings that God your Father has given to me and give them all to this person who has the screen name on this web site; Faith_Machine

      But Lord if he be deceived and wrong, and you are never going to cast me into hell as he has said.

      Take all the blessings that God your Father has given to him, and give them to me.

      amen.

      The Lord giveth the Lord taketh away

      blessed be the name of the Lord.

      amen

      Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh.

      Comment

      • Faith_Machine
        Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
        True Christian™
        • Mar 2011
        • 10050

        #33
        Re: Need Your Advice

        Originally posted by ReformedHeathen View Post
        Lord Jesus the Christ,

        I petition thee to grant me this request.

        I request that if you are going to cast me into hell, to take all the blessings that God your Father has given to me and give them all to this person who has the screen name on this web site; Faith_Machine

        But Lord if he be deceived and wrong, and you are never going to cast me into hell as he has said.

        Take all the blessings that God your Father has given to him, and give them to me.

        amen.

        The Lord giveth the Lord taketh away

        blessed be the name of the Lord.

        amen


        Lord God Father in Heaven,

        My prayers are between You and me. Therefore, I do not feel the need to post them in a public forum.

        Amen.
        WARNING:
        In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
        REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

        Comment

        • UnReformedHeathen
          Unsaved trash
          • Jan 2012
          • 27

          #34
          Re: Need Your Advice

          Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
          Lord God Father in Heaven,

          My prayers are between You and me. Therefore, I do not feel the need to post them in a public forum.

          Amen.
          He told me to post it so as when your life changes right before your very eyes

          You will know why.

          That is more mercy than you gave me.

          There is only 1 way out of what you have gotten yourself into.

          We will watch and see if you know the way out.
          Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh.

          Comment

          • Faith_Machine
            Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
            True Christian™
            • Mar 2011
            • 10050

            #35
            Re: Need Your Advice

            Originally posted by ReformedHeathen View Post
            He told me to post it so as when your life changes right before your very eyes

            You will know why.

            That is more mercy than you gave me.

            There is only 1 way out of what you have gotten yourself into.

            We will watch and see if you know the way out.

            Why are you here, friend? We're here to praise Jesus!
            WARNING:
            In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
            REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

            Comment

            • UnReformedHeathen
              Unsaved trash
              • Jan 2012
              • 27

              #36
              Re: Need Your Advice

              Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
              Why are you here, friend? We're here to praise Jesus!
              Lord Jesus the Christ,

              I beseech thee and petition thee in the name of thy Father and God.

              Correct me in all your Mercy and all your Truth, of all errors and flaws and faults that any of these True Christians see or find or even think that I have in my heart, my mind, my soul, my spirit, and my life. And my Lord, If I have left anything out whatsoever, please add it for me. Thank you my Lord and Redeemer.

              amen
              Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh.

              Comment

              • Mary Etheldreda
                Gushing for Jesus
                 
                • Sep 2011
                • 23775

                #37
                Re: Need Your Advice

                Originally posted by ReformedHeathen View Post
                Lord Jesus the Christ,

                I beseech thee and petition thee in the name of thy Father and God.

                Correct me in all your Mercy and all your Truth, of all errors and flaws and faults that any of these True Christians see or find or even think that I have in my heart, my mind, my soul, my spirit, and my life. And my Lord, If I have left anything out whatsoever, please add it for me. Thank you my Lord and Redeemer.

                amen
                This isn't a prayer closet forum.

                But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. (Matthew 6:6)
                Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                Comment

                • UnReformedHeathen
                  Unsaved trash
                  • Jan 2012
                  • 27

                  #38
                  Re: Need Your Advice

                  Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                  This isn't a prayer closet forum.

                  But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. (Matthew 6:6)
                  Thank you Lord Jesus the Christ

                  for delivering us from our own sins.

                  And delivering us out of the hands of the wicked ones and evil.

                  Thank you for exalting us above yours and our adversaries and enemies.

                  AMEN
                  Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh.

                  Comment

                  • Didymus Much
                    Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
                    • Jun 2010
                    • 14079

                    #39
                    Re: Need Your Advice

                    Originally posted by ReformedHeathen View Post
                    ...completely inappropriate public prayer snipped...
                    I think Sister Mary was trying to drop a subtle hint that you should read your Bible more:

                    Matthew 6:5 "And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward."

                    Comment

                    • UnReformedHeathen
                      Unsaved trash
                      • Jan 2012
                      • 27

                      #40
                      Re: Need Your Advice

                      Victory in Jesus

                      Victory in Jesus

                      I know he loves me so

                      I see the devil

                      down below.

                      Victory in Jesus

                      Victory in Jesus

                      I know he loves me so.
                      Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh.

                      Comment

                      • UnReformedHeathen
                        Unsaved trash
                        • Jan 2012
                        • 27

                        #41
                        Re: Need Your Advice

                        Originally posted by Didymus Much View Post
                        I think Sister Mary was trying to drop a subtle hint that you should read your Bible more:

                        Matthew 6:5 "And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward."
                        This is very good reading material;

                        And God, which knoweth the hearts, bare them witness, giving them the Holy Ghost, even as he did unto us;

                        And put no difference between us and them, purifying their hearts by faith.

                        Now therefore why tempt ye God, to put a yoke upon the neck of the disciples, which neither our fathers nor we were able to bear?

                        But we believe that through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ we shall be saved, even as they.
                        Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh.

                        Comment

                        • Brother Harold Porter
                          Landover Senior Outreach
                          Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
                          True Christian™
                          • Jun 2010
                          • 8236

                          #42
                          Re: Need Your Advice

                          Originally posted by ReformedHeathen View Post
                          Victory in Jesus

                          Victory in Jesus

                          I know he loves me so

                          I see the devil

                          down below.

                          Victory in Jesus

                          Victory in Jesus

                          I know he loves me so.
                          Matthew 7:15 "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves."

                          Dear Lord Jesus Christ,

                          Please guide us in dealing with this false Christian fool. This corrupt coward that hides his Interweb location. This foul God-mocker that visits Your forum just briefly enough to post that he pretends to love You, and then flees like a thief in the night.

                          Should it be banished to eternal hellfire in Your name? Is there a redeeming quality that we do not yet see? Is it simple pond scum that cannot be saved?

                          We await your guidance, dear Jesus.

                          In Your Heavenly name.
                          Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

                          sigpic

                          Comment

                          • Redeemed Papist
                            Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light(c)
                            True Christian™
                            • Jul 2011
                            • 10409

                            #43
                            Re: Need Your Advice

                            Is this Reformed Heathen lampooning fluffy bunny Christians to mock them?
                            sigpic
                            Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

                            John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

                            Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
                            The truth about volcanos
                            Sex and debauchery in public schools
                            Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
                            God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
                            Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

                            Comment

                            • UnReformedHeathen
                              Unsaved trash
                              • Jan 2012
                              • 27

                              #44
                              Re: Need Your Advice

                              Originally posted by Brother Harold Porter View Post
                              Matthew 7:15 "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves."

                              Dear Lord Jesus Christ,

                              Please guide us in dealing with this false Christian fool. This corrupt coward that hides his Interweb location. This foul God-mocker that visits Your forum just briefly enough to post that he pretends to love You, and then flees like a thief in the night.

                              Should it be banished to eternal hellfire in Your name? Is there a redeeming quality that we do not yet see? Is it simple pond scum that cannot be saved?

                              We await your guidance, dear Jesus.

                              In Your Heavenly name.
                              He said that you do not have to wait for His guidance. Open your bible.
                              Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh.

                              Comment

                              • Didymus Much
                                Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
                                • Jun 2010
                                • 14079

                                #45
                                Re: Need Your Advice

                                Originally posted by ReformedHeathen View Post
                                He said that you do not have to wait for His guidance. Open your bible.
                                Scripture or STFU, thanks.

                                Comment

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