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  • Avgudar
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Sep 2012
    • 2
    #1

    Hi, I am Arvid, and i praise the lord every day!

    Hi, I just recently found this forum. I have long been searching for a forum free from the temptation of the devil, monkey worshipers and believers in false prophets.
    I am worried for the sake of my family. My sister just recently bought a macintosh, and has since joined the cult of the hipsters. She has begun dressing like a lesbian, using big nerdy glasses without lenses, and wearing over-sized lumberjack shirts. She has even begun listening to negro pop like justin beiber.

    What am I to do, fellow christians?!
    Tags: None
    • Mary Etheldreda
      Gushing for Jesus
       
      • Sep 2011
      • 23775
      #2
      Re: Hi, I am Arvid, and i praise the lord every day!

      Originally posted by Avgudar View Post

      What am I to do, fellow christians?!
      Start by introducing yourself, not your dyke sister. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is. Tell us how you came to find comfort in the Bosom of Jesus.
      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

        Comment

        • Redeemed Papist
          Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light(c)
          True Christian™
          • Jul 2011
          • 10409
          #3
          Re: Hi, I am Arvid, and i praise the lord every day!

          If you think she's unlikely to turn back to Christ then you should shun her.

          2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
          sigpic
          Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

          John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

          Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
          The truth about volcanos
          Sex and debauchery in public schools
          Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
          God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
          Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

            Comment

            • Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.
              Scientific Advisor
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2006
              • 2373
              #4
              Re: Hi, I am Arvid, and i praise the lord every day!

              Are you here just to demand help, or are you here to introduce yourself in the fellowship of Christians? We aren't here as a help hotline, that's what prayer is for. We are here to share with you the glory of Salvation(r) and the blessings associated with it. We aren't here to lend you money or to make you feel good about yourself!

              So why don't you tell us a bit about yourself (and not, as was pointed out to you, your various family members). How did you happen upon our humble church? How has Jesus touched you?
              Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

                Comment

                • Avgudar
                  Unsaved trash
                  Under Investigation
                  • Sep 2012
                  • 2
                  #5
                  Re: Hi, I am Arvid, and i praise the lord every day!

                  I most humbly apologize. Jesus has been my savior ever since i first received a divine message from the almighty lord in a bowl of alphabet soup at the age of ten.

                  "Thou art a sinner and a masturbator. Repent"

                  And repent i did. I have mend my wicked ways. I now go to church in my village here in sweden.

                    Comment

                    • Rev. M. Rodimer
                      Honorary True Christian™
                      Forum Member
                      • May 2008
                      • 13996
                      #6
                      Re: Hi, I am Arvid, and i praise the lord every day!

                      Originally posted by Avgudar View Post
                      I most humbly apologize. Jesus has been my savior ever since i first received a divine message from the almighty lord in a bowl of alphabet soup at the age of ten.

                      "Thou art a sinner and a masturbator. Repent"

                      And repent i did. I have mend my wicked ways. I now go to church in my village here in sweden.
                      What sort of church would that be? Lutheran?

                      What is your favorite Bible verse?

                      Do you always have such difficulty following simple instructions?
                      Bible boring? Nonsense!
                      Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                      You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                        Comment

                        • Pastor Ezekiel
                          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                           
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 78556
                          #7
                          Re: Hi, I am Arvid, and i praise the lord every day!

                          Originally posted by Avgudar View Post

                          What am I to do, fellow christians?!
                          Repent now, and change your name. It sounds like an old man clearing phlegm out of his throat.
                          Who Will Jesus Damn?

                          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                            Comment

                            • MitzaLizalor
                              Completely CRAZY for the Lord
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2010
                              • 14525
                              #8
                              Re: Hi, I am Arvid, and i praise the lord every day!

                              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                              Repent now, and change your name. It sounds like an old man clearing phlegm out of his throat.
                              Not that Swedish women sound much better

                                Comment

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