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  • #1

    Hello, I'm new on this forum!

    Hello,
    3 months ago, I was unfaithful to my wife and she eventually left me because of that. But the Lord would make it even worse for me. Recently, I lost my job in the crisis, which I believe has been caused by the Lord, and everyone around me hates me for what I did. Today, I regret my sins, and I am praying to the Lord every day, hoping to be saved. I love the Lord and I will never do anything to offend him again. Praise the Lord!
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  • #2
    Re: Hello, I'm new on this forum!

    An exceedingly large donation to Landover would be a pleasure to the Lord - there is so much good we can do with say $50,000 (US - NOT Canadian!) look on it as a final punishment to make amends.

    Of course, you will never be able to marry again, nor fornicate, but then, if it helps, neither will your wife.

    The Lord has not been known to deprive people of their employment directly (other than a few Kings and False Prophets) so I don't think that you caused the economic meltdown - that was Obama.

    Exodus 20:14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

    Proverbs 6:32 But he that is an adulterer, for the folly of his heart shall destroy his own soul:

    Mark 10:11-12 And he saith to them: Whosoever shall put away his wife and marry another committeth adultery against her. (12) And if the wife shall put away her husband and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

    Luke 16:18) Every one that putteth away his wife and marrieth another committeth adultery: and he that marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.
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    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

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    • #3
      Re: Hello, I'm new on this forum!

      Why didn't I think of that. I will begin saving my money for this one purpose immediately. However, with no job it will take some time for me to do that.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Hello, I'm new on this forum!

        Originally posted by Northern Baptist View Post
        Why didn't I think of that. I will begin saving my money for this one purpose immediately. However, with no job it will take some time for me to do that.
        Why don't you pray for a job? That's what I would do. Well, if I were a man.
        Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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        • #5
          Re: Hello, I'm new on this forum!

          Friend, you can sell your blood to secular doctors, you can get the last laugh with Jesus. Be sure to send us cash, large denominations, used bills please.

          Welcome!
          Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
          Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
          Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
          Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
          Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
          Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Hello, I'm new on this forum!

            Welcome, Northern Baptist! I guess this little hussy with whom you defiled your marriage bed must have been quite the looker, ay? What all did you do with her? I feel such information can have great value as a cautionary tale. Please be as detailed as possible in your answer.
            WARNING:
            In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
            REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

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            • #7
              Re: Hello, I'm new on this forum!

              Welcome to God's favorite forum. I'd like to hear more about you and less whining about your sins. What is your name? Your age? What about the whore that broke up your marriage? What happened to her?

              Tell us about your church and your walk with Jesus. As for your lack of funds, well, you clearly own a computer and have internet access. That money would be better spent by sending it all in to me at Landover Baptist.


              If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

              If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

              You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

              Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Hello, I'm new on this forum!

                Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                Well, if I were a man.
                And it is to your credit that you are not. Your temperance, good wifery, fecundicitoralisatory skance and acceptabilitorizarion of the Lord's ordering are an delight the all.

                1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

                Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

                Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

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                • #9
                  Re: Hello, I'm new on this forum!

                  Ok, let me tell you more about myself. My name is John and I am 31 years old. Since I lost my wife and job, I have been praying to the Lord a lot. I have also left my lover, and I have decided to live the rest of my life without marriage and without any form of sex. I previously also drank a lot of alcohol, but that is over now. Now my only interest in life is to follow the word of the Lord, and I try my best to to exactly that.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Hello, I'm new on this forum!

                    Originally posted by Northern Baptist View Post
                    Now my only interest in life is to follow the word of the Lord, and I try my best to to exactly that.
                    Well then, if you are successful and if it is the Will of the LORD, you will surely get a job!

                    So, rejoice now for the blessings you may have in the future!

                    \0/
                    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                    Comment

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