[DespicableMe]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

When I said my eldest was 11, that's not quite true. My eldest is in fact, 13, but he's in disgrace at present. I caught him in church, looking at a 12 year old girl and passing notes to her! And only a few days later viewing pawnography on the internet! He also spends a lot of time in bed, and insists on washing his own pyjamas and sheets. What sort of man does his own laundry? Tying his hands behind his back in bed sounds a good idea. I've moved his computer into the living room, so that we can see exactly what he's viewing. The parents of the girl he seems interested in now make her wear a paper bag over her head when she goes to church so that he won't have lascivious thoughts. Children!

Indeed it must bring tears to a Loving Mother's eyes to see a son on the precipice of the Lake of Fire. Bind those hands for sure!
As for the object of his affection, I often feel its such a shame our young ones just can't up and get married like we did in the old days. Surely she can cook and clean at that age and your son is showing an industrious (if misguided) nature by doing his own laundry. He may indeed be ready to run a household and start a family!
On a side note, the paper bag is a GREAT idea! surely this should be more common practice in our Churches? Why not in our schools and offices too? It would keep the Devil from entering our oly human eyes and, in Church it could also double as a suitable head covering.
I think I will suggest this to the Elders of The Church Of The Early Risen Christ next Lord's Day.

[DespicableMe]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

Careful DM. Mr Etheldreda may not be happy with you making advances to his wife! He has a fearful temper!

I am truly chastened.
Please forgive my careless and unsolicited questions.


Proverbs 29:20

Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.
Proverbs 11:14

Where there is no counsel, the people fall;
But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.


Motherof Seven, Might I inquire as to how it happens that your eldest is so young, while you are later in years?

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

I was a heathen at 32 when I met my husband-to-be. He said that he could only marry a Christian. So I began to read the Bible and found the Lord. Then we were wed.

[DespicableMe]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

I was a heathen at 32 when I met my husband-to-be. He said that he could only marry a Christian. So I began to read the Bible and found the Lord. Then we were wed.

Well Amen to that!
What a joy you found the Lord AND a Good Christian man before it was forever too late!

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

THAT PLACE IS FULL OF CATHOLICS!!!



As a province which has systematically failed to rid itself of the frocked menace what have you got to say for yourselves?

What are you doing to show the false idolators for what they are? Please update us on where you are up to in your campaign to undermine and destroy the Vatican menace.

You are actively engaged in destroying papacy, I assume...

[Attila's Wife]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

I'd say Good Christian Men like myself, ready to speed the Errant Sinner to Eternity, probably number only about 0.000001% of our overall population.

Given the population of your hideous and downtrodden province, wouldn't that amount to less 2% of a person? I had the misfortune to live there for a couple of years back in the 1960s (or the 1930s, as it then was in Norn Irn) and I never met a single True Christian(TM).

Even today, whenever I meet an Irish and tell them I lived there as a child, they ask where I went to school and then assume I am a Protestant! Still, it is always a pleasure to rebuke them for their ignorance.


But dear. I am glad you have found us and look forward to helping you on your long and difficult journey towards Our .

Do you wear a bowler hat?

YiC
AW

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

Welcome, DM. I greet you in Jesus' Holy Name. I am pleased that the Lord has led you to our friendly forums. We believe that God sends lost souls here as well as those He has cleansed in order that they achieve a higher height and deeper depth in the Love of God. He is truly good, all the time. Jesus has blessed our flock with a loving, kind, gentle, and Spirit-filled pastor. I urge you to consult with him as he has a direct line to our Lord. The other men of the church are exceptionally well-versed in the ways of God and they will fellowship with you as you seek God's Word. In Christ, Naomi Ruth Lamb

[DespicableMe]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

THAT PLACE IS FULL OF CATHOLICS!!!



As a province which has systematically failed to rid itself of the frocked menace what have you got to say for yourselves?

What are you doing to show the false idolators for what they are? Please update us on where you are up to in your campaign to undermine and destroy the Vatican menace.

You are actively engaged in destroying papacy, I assume...

"Redeemed Papist"! What joy I feel in my heart to hear such a simple exclamation of Redemption! Few there be that pull their hairless little buttocks away from the Whore's Temple in one piece and live to tell the tale.
As this is a fairly public forum, I would be remiss to detail what the Lord's Work entails for us Good Christian Men of The Chirch of The Early RIsen Christ, here in Belfast.
Suffice to say that the struggle continues, and we have decided to take a leaf from the Jesuits' book (No, not THAT book.. it's dirty dirty!!).
"Give me a child until he is seven, and I will give you the man...", they have decried for years, and now we have holding pens at the ready for any number of children, where they will be schooled in the WEaponry and Tactics of The Lords' Work.

We would request your prayers in this matter, particularly for the sinking of any vessels carrying UN investigatrs or dirty dirty Amnesty type people to our Little Haven.


PS.. I apologise for quoting the words of a jesuit and hope that no Good Chrisitian is overly distressed by this. I do so only in with the intention of promoting the Lords' Work, or Year Zero as we like to call it.

Yours in Christ

DM

[DespicableMe]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

Given the population of your hideous and downtrodden province, wouldn't that amount to less 2% of a person? I had the misfortune to live there for a couple of years back in the 1960s (or the 1930s, as it then was in Norn Irn) and I never met a single True Christian™.

Even today, whenever I meet an Irish and tell them I lived there as a child, they ask where I went to school and then assume I am a Protestant! Still, it is always a pleasure to rebuke them for their ignorance.


But dear. I am glad you have found us and look forward to helping you on your long and difficult journey towards Our .

Do you wear a bowler hat?

YiC
AW

Without meaning to disrespect the opinion of an Elder Christian, I think you will find that the 1960s were actually the 1840s in Northern Ireland. I understand that thos may cause some confusion as Northern Ireland itself didnt exist until the 1920s and I blame this for some of the decidedly subhuman behaviour of our Papist "friends" during this period.
I'm sad that you didn't meet any Good Christian men during this period, but I think you'll find that most of us were in England, building St Pauls Cathedral and Winchester Church of Anglo Vaticanism at that time.
It could also be argued that I am only 2% of a person... In fact I recently used this in my defense in the infamous MrMe vs The Crown case of 1998 (or was it 1894?) I trust that you will remember the huge struggle I face as such a minority and keep me in your Prayers.
It has always been a pleasure for me to converse with Real English Christians and my life's goal has been to be a mirror of English Christianity on this Pagan soil.
For this reason, yes I do indeed wear a Bowler Hat and on occasion, a single falsh eyelash, for the Work at Hand.

Yours in Paisley

DM

[DespicableMe]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

Welcome, DM. I greet you in Jesus' Holy Name. I am pleased that the Lord has led you to our friendly forums. We believe that God sends lost souls here as well as those He has cleansed in order that they achieve a higher height and deeper depth in the Love of God. He is truly good, all the time. Jesus has blessed our flock with a loving, kind, gentle, and Spirit-filled pastor. I urge you to consult with him as he has a direct line to our Lord. The other men of the church are exceptionally well-versed in the ways of God and they will fellowship with you as you seek God's Word. In Christ, Naomi Ruth Lamb

I thank you for your kind words and Welcome, Sister.

It is a breath of fresh air to be among Good Folk for a change. Unfortunately, in real life I am surrounded by Agents of The Devil and nary a moment can I relax or flick the safety catch on my weapon.

I look forward to an opportunity to try your delicious pie.

In The Name of The Father

DM

[Witch Hammer]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

I thank you for your kind words and Welcome, Sister.

It is a breath of fresh air to be among Good Folk for a change. Unfortunately, in real life I am surrounded by Agents of The Devil and nary a moment can I relax or flick the safety catch on my weapon.

I look forward to an opportunity to try your delicious pie.

In The Name of The Father

DM

I find your omission of The Son.....concerning........

Fancy taking a swim in the lake of fire, do you?

[DespicableMe]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

I find your omission of The Son.....concerning........

Fancy taking a swim in the lake of fire, do you?

An unexpected moment of finger malaise overtook me just there.
May God forive me for trying to shorten The Scriptures.

Thank you for your deserved admonishment Witch Hammer, and may I ask if your services are available internationally? I have a neighbour with a nose like a 6 iron and I'm sure she curdles my morning milk with her Witchery.

DM

[Witch Hammer]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

An unexpected moment of finger malaise overtook me just there.
May God forive me for trying to shorten The Scriptures.

Thank you for your deserved admonishment Witch Hammer, and may I ask if your services are available internationally? I have a neighbour with a nose like a 6 iron and I'm sure she curdles my morning milk with her Witchery.

DM

Unless you can deliver the suspected witch into my custody, all I can do is pray that The Lord smite her...but if you decide to take the interrogation into your own hands, feel free to contact me for some helpful tips on coaxing a confession from even the stubbornest witch.

[DespicableMe]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

Unless you can deliver the suspected witch into my custody, all I can do is pray that The Lord smite her...but if you decide to take the interrogation into your own hands, feel free to contact me for some helpful tips on coaxing a confession from even the stubbornest witch.

I will speak to a Courier friend who is also a Brother in Christ about this matter.
Otherwise I may rely on our home-grown, tried and trusted method of burning down the house after gluing the locks and windows. This has proved very effective in cleaning up my local area and, Praise the Lord, the only Papists left here are wise enough to pretend not to be Papists.
I'm not particualrly concerned about gaining a confession, but I thank you for your generous offer of assistance. I find that time spent getting a confession from a known Sinner, is time wasted, even if the process arouses me somewhat.

My only concern is that, being a witch, is she likely to escape up the chimney or transform herself into a Fiery Dart and spread the flames to one of my less evil neighbour's houses?

DM

[Witch Hammer]

Re: All Other Ground Is Sinking Sand!!

I'm not particualrly concerned about gaining a confession, but I thank you for your generous offer of assistance. I find that time spent getting a confession from a known Sinner, is time wasted, even if the process arouses me somewhat.
My only concern is that, being a witch, is she likely to escape up the chimney or transform herself into a Fiery Dart and spread the flames to one of my less evil neighbour's houses?
DM

9 out of 10 witch hunters agree that getting the confession is a mere formality...of course she's guilty!...but the hours she spends upon the rack with precisely 8 ounces of molten candle wax slowly cooling in her rectum gives her an opportunity to meditate on the nature of her sin, and possibly...just possibly...form an intimate bond with Christ before being burned at the stake.

Our God is a God of second chances, amen?