The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

[The Shameful Dane]

Greetings true Christians.

It is with a humble yet most hopeful spirit that I introduce my hedonistic-by-birth self on this holiest of holy boards.

Let me first adress the red and white devilphant in the room that is my hellish heritage - It is true. I am Danish, born and breed. I will spare you the perverted details of my country and its people and instead refer to your fellow True Christian Cranky Old Man's incredibly accurate thread http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?p=528824 in which he both depicts and with the use of informed, sound and undeniable arguments explains the basic rotten facts of Denmark and its people.

Of course, having been born into this second Sodom, I was already too aware of this.

My father was a drunk and a rapist, my mother a day shift harlot making a lustful living on the island of Fanø aka Fandens Ø aka The Devil's Island. They met when my father, a sailor, and his ship docked in the port town in which my mother earned her hedonistic living one (or two or more) drunken sailor(s) at a time. Needless to say the lord punished both of them by impregnating my mother that sinful night creating their in 8 swift months (yes our just God puts his judgement upon sinners with great haste!) to be sinful bastard offspring - me.

I know that the road to salvation for any sinner is long and hard and so for the rotten Dane it shall only be even longer and harder. However I have not yet given up on myself entirely and it is my hope that this just board will be the first of many steps towards a life without sin and hopefully one glorious day a life far away from Denmark.

I fear that my dwellings on this perverse country and its people have produced an already tl;dr-worthy post so I shall end it here.

Feel free to ask me questions about some of the areas which I no doubt have failed to cover in this first post of mine.

I would offer you blessings but at this point how can I?

Yours,

The Shameful Dane.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

Hello and welcome to our friendly forum! I will admit to being surprised at the idea of an honest Dane, but you actually confirmed what our dear and Spirit-Led Cranky Old Man has been saying this whole time. It's like a living, breathing oxy-moron! My word, the LORD works in mysterious ways!

\o/

So tell us dear, what church do you attend? What is your favorite Bible passage, and how did you find Jesus through the thick stench of sin that chokes off the life in your country?

[The Shameful Dane]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

I will admit to being surprised at the idea of an honest Dane

I shall admit we are few and far apart indeed. I wouldn't say that I found Jesus but rather that Jesus found me. Having spent the entirety of my life in this pig producing country (I speak of course not only about its main export but about its native inhabitants aswell) had indeed resulted in an almost impenetrable stench of sin - on soo thick I myself was powerless to see through it. Jesus on the other hand carved through the ghastly stench with his pure love like a knife through butter on a hot sommer day.

He came to me one day neither more nor less dark than any other when I was getting my hair cut at a hairdresser. The hairdresser being male and an obvious and what's worse SHAMELESS homosexual - Denmark has, as I'm sure you're aware, an extreme tolerance, nei, FONDNESS for homosexuals. As best I could I directed my focus to the newspaper available before me so I could free myself of being approached by blasphemic small talk from the eccentric queer who nevertheless babbled on for his own sick amusement I suppose.

It was in this newpaper that Jesus shone his light on what should become my first step towards salvation: A newspaper article regarding beforementioned Cranky Old Man's thread on Denmark! http://www.bt.dk/utroligt-men-sandt/...-hader-danmark

While the article itself was full of lies regarding Cranky Old Man and this heavenly board I was assisted by Jesus' white light and thus able to see past the sinister propaganda that Ekstra Bladet tried to force upon my once brainwashed mind.

Praised be Jesus!

At the moment, out of pure (though I should say also reasonable) paranoia I do not attend any church for Jesus has not yet shone his light upon one that he would deem trustworthy. I am however filled with excitement that it will happen soon!

It is as I'm sure you would agree not an easy task to pick ONE favorite bible verse from so many. Still two of my favorites would have to be:

Daniel 9:9: To the Lord our God [belong] mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him;

Daniel 9:10: Neither have we obeyed the voice of the LORD our God, to walk in his laws, which he set before us by his servants the prophets.

They fill me with the hope that even a Dane might one day reach salvation - wouldn't that in itself be proof of God's greatness? One can only hope and pray.

[Eva_Christensen]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

I

It was in this newpaper that Jesus shone his light on what should become my first step towards salvation: A newspaper article regarding beforementioned Cranky Old Man's thread on Denmark! http://www.bt.dk/utroligt-men-sandt/...-hader-danmark

While the article itself was full of lies regarding Cranky Old Man and this heavenly board I was assisted by Jesus' white light and thus able to see past the sinister propaganda that Ekstra Bladet tried to force upon my once brainwashed mind.

Hello TSD


How nice to be able to wellcome a fellow-sufferer! And how wonderful for Cranky Old Man, that his Words are spread in our Godforsaken country!! It gives me hope - sinister propaganda or not.
I had no idea, as I never read newspapers. My husband won't allow it!


I do hope you are sincere in your quest for salvation, and I wish you the best of luck.
Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.


YiC
Eva

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

Your faith in Christ, and your ability to trust Him in all matters of Truth are an inspiration, indeed!

Any friend of is a friend of mine.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

My father was a drunk and a rapist, my mother a day shift harlot making a lustful living on the island of Fanø aka Fandens Ø aka The Devil's Island. They met when my father, a sailor, and his ship docked in the port town in which my mother earned her hedonistic living one (or two or more) drunken sailor(s) at a time. Needless to say the lord punished both of them by impregnating my mother that sinful night creating their in 8 swift months (yes our just God puts his judgement upon sinners with great haste!) to be sinful bastard offspring - me.

Two points arise: (1) Although a Bastard may not enter the congregation, neither may a Moabite. However, the Lord has some strange Rules and you will recall that Ruth (see Ruth:1:1) was a Moabite and got a Book to herself. So it is possible that Pastor Zeke will commune with The Lord and be inspired but don't hold your breath. (How much do you expect to tithe?)

The second is that your story, whilst touching my heart with its pathos is the story of 90% of Danes, so in your society, you should feel persecuted only because of your Christianity and that was foretold, and so we can say "God Exists."

It is unfortunate that Pastor Prune Enoe, who is in charge of Scandiwegia, has been called away to deal with some Lutherans in Norway. When He gets back, he will doubtless fill you in.

[The Shameful Dane]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

Hello TSD


How nice to be able to wellcome a fellow-sufferer! And how wonderful for Cranky Old Man, that his Words are spread in our Godforsaken country!! It gives me hope - sinister propaganda or not.
I had no idea, as I never read newspapers. My husband won't allow it!


I do hope you are sincere in your quest for salvation, and I wish you the best of luck.
Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.


YiC
Eva

It fills me with joy knowing that I am not alone in my suffering nor in my quest for salvation!

Your husband sounds like a very wise man indeed - is he too a suffering Dane or have you on your path towards the light been blessed with a non-rapist for a husband?

I thank you for your kind words and support!

[Eva_Christensen]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

It fills me with joy knowing that I am not alone in my suffering nor in my quest for salvation!

Your husband sounds like a very wise man indeed - is he too a suffering Dane or have you on your path towards the light been blessed with a non-rapist for a husband?

I thank you for your kind words and support!

My husband is, unfortunately, a foul sinner, as he has only one working stone (as desribed elsewhere) - but he does follow the Word of Our Lord, to the letter! I still pray for the healing, of his sin-inflicted disease.


But as I am not as fortunate as to be a True Christian™, you shold really rely on the Words of those who are - And honorable Pastor Ezekiel Bathfire draws forth a true problem - i suppose your parents didn't marry, after their unspeakable deeds!?

[The Shameful Dane]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

My husband is, unfortunately, a foul sinner, as he has only one working stone (as desribed elsewhere) - but he does follow the Word of Our Lord, to the letter! I still pray for the healing, of his sin-inflicted disease.


But as I am not as fortunate as to be a True Christian™, you shold really rely on the Words of those who are - And honorable Pastor Ezekiel Bathfire draws forth a true problem - i suppose your parents didn't marry, after their unspeakable deeds!?

A shame indeed. Though a prayer a day keeps the disease at bay, I to wish you the best of luck!

Pastor Ezekiel Bathfire does indeed with his keen eye draw attention to this most unfortunate reality. Nei, my parents did not marry for their relations lasted but one sinful late afternoon before my father climbed off of her again while my mother was already on top of another.

Hopefully, as Pastor Bathfire mentioned, there could be a slight chance that Pastor Zeke feel inspired to. My tithing would of course be most generous!

[M. Mansfield, MD]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

I extend a cautious hand of friendship, firm in its grip and yet releasing in the correct amount of time so as not to be considered unmanly.

My son, I have visited the center of villainy that is your homeland. My scourge of a wife, Jennifer, and I toured the country and found much beauty there, for our LORD certainly knows how to make an earth - but we also witnessed unspeakable sin. We cut short our journey when a woman offered to perform a particular favor for the two of us at a price that would shock and surprise most American ladies of ill-repute. We drove to the airport and headed for the Netherlands, where we felt safer (until morning came and we once again realized our itinerary to be a mistake). But I digress.

I want you to know that the LORD is a God of much anger, fury, and jealousy (Numbers 11:1, Ezekiel 13:13, Exodus 34:14) but He calls us to repentance and tells us that we shall find His Salvation(R) (1 John 1:9). However, the LORD also really really hates Denmark and thus we can surmise He also hates you, although Jesus could probably convince God, who is also Jesus and the Holy Spirit - terms that are likely foreign in a land like yours - to give you a small chance. I'm not terribly hopeful of that.

So, I propose this: I will pray for your situation and entreat the remainder of this forum's good people to do the same. In the meantime, please read the Bible from cover to cover (for good measure, I'd include every page, even any blank ones you may find). Ensure that this is the King James 1611 version - easily available online - and ask the Holy Spirit to be your teacher as you read every begat and whosoever.

It is my strong suggestion that you leave Denmark. Perhaps you and Sister Eva can pool resources to find your way to the United States, where we have small areas that are conducive to Christian life and service. (Small, but certainly more plentiful than in other countries)

With fervent prayer that we will someday be brothers in Him,
Doc

[M. Mansfield, MD]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

My husband is, unfortunately, a foul sinner, as he has only one working stone (as desribed elsewhere) - but he does follow the Word of Our Lord, to the letter! I still pray for the healing, of his sin-inflicted disease.


But as I am not as fortunate as to be a True Christian™, you shold really rely on the Words of those who are - And honorable Pastor Ezekiel Bathfire draws forth a true problem - i suppose your parents didn't marry, after their unspeakable deeds!?

Sister Eva,
Obviously you did not pray the prayer I suggested nor did you have sufficient faith in Jesus to heal your husband. I am disappointed and sorry to see your soul is still bound for Hell. Don't say I didn't try.
Doc

[Elmer G. White]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

My Dear Mr. Dane,

As a fellow newcomer I can assure you that you have mede the right - no - the ONLY choice available to save your SOUL from . I have nothing but praise to say about this community of , albeit this requires that you learn, not teach, listen, not shout, pray (Mark 9:29), not linger in idle comfort. I've received many helpful suggestions regarding the education of my children, Godless entertainment and countries that can be hazardous in missionary work (yours in one of the worst, I', afraid!).

James 4:4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

Some tentative words of warning from a fellow sinner... You Daniacs use the symbol Ø. This is a bad thing... It is used by as a way to lure young children into the belief that our world would be circular and a ball by depicting the alleged "Earth's axis". This is satanic (Isaiah 11:12). You could also consider giving up your heathen language. I made some disturbing discoveries. It seems you have attempted to translate the into Daniac, and this is the result:


What is this? Possessed children banging at a typewriter with their tallywackers (probably exactly that)?! That was supposed to be John 1:1-8!

I extend to you my welcome and any weak assistance I might offer you as a fellow sinner. Praise LORD for showing you the only possible way to SALVATION.

Perhaps you and the other Daniacs in this forum could do something about the Euro-Trash Song Contest that I recently noticed. It is going to take place in your capital city of Antichristiania (my heart weeps). It features homeysexuals and chimeric demons (Mark 4:15) from your country, Australia (I dared post the picture of this demon in the thread on God and your country, still deeply ashamed) and the Commie Nations in early May. This offers a nice venue to missionary work for your kind. What do you think?

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Eva_Christensen]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

Sister Eva,
Obviously you did not pray the prayer I suggested nor did you have sufficient faith in Jesus to heal your husband. I am disappointed and sorry to see your soul is still bound for Hell. Don't say I didn't try.
Doc

Oh, I did pray, and I'm thankful for your thoughts Dear Doctor. I still trust the good Lord in his divine Mercy and knowledge. Remember, it took Moses 40 years to get to where He wanted to go! Acts 7:30
If i couldn't wait more than a mere few days, I would surely be ungrateful and untrusting of the Lord. Proverbs 3:6

Thank you for your ideas on moving - Perhaps if Mr. Dane could Come to one of my husbands prayer meetings, we could discuss the matter?

Have a lovely day
YiC
Eva

[James Ashton]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

Do I understand correctly that the Denmarkish word for rapist is "voldtægtsmand"?


Is Denmark so full of sin, homosexuals and idols to Mohammed that you are forced to squeeze letters together to save space? This could be avoided by using decent American words rather than needlessly long ones.


1 Corinthians 14:9
So likewise ye, except ye utter by the tongue words easy to be understood, how shall it be known what is spoken? for ye shall speak into the air.


While I personally greatly appreciate not being able to understand your bacon and pornography inspired ramblings, the LORD wants you to speak clearly and, having looked over the newspaper article, I promise you, you currently aren't.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: The Introduction and Confessions of a Rotten Dane

Do I understand correctly that the Denmarkish word for rapist is "voldtægtsmand"?

Oh Dear, I think that James has discovered more alarming aspects of being a Danish... What is this symbol æ?

I personally think it looks like the serpent (Genesis 3:1) or - which could be worse - two snakes in fornication (although this idea is preliminary until confirmed by a True Christian) (Ezekiel 16:26).

I am praying for strength for our Denmarkian brother and sisters in Christ! Repent! Of course, your being here could be a good start. Listen to what the True Christians have to tell you (Judges 13:6).

Yours in Christ,

Elmer