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  • ThatOneGuyHolmberg
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    • Aug 2014
    • 42
    #1

    Farewell, Landover Baptist

    I'm leaving, Landover Baptist. I am obviously not wanted here, and not well enough versed in the bible. So for the time being, this is my farewell. I wish every one of you a godly life, and an eternity with christ.

    Your Truly,
    ThatOneGuyOverThere
    Tags: None
    • Witch Hammer
      True Christian™
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 1717
      #2
      Re: Farewell, Landover Baptist

      Originally posted by ThatOneGuyHolmberg View Post
      I'm leaving, Landover Baptist. I am obviously not wanted here, and not well enough versed in the bible. So for the time being, this is my farewell. I wish every one of you a godly life, and an eternity with christ.

      Your Truly,
      ThatOneGuyOverThere
      Christ be with you! Come back when your stones have dropped!

        Comment

        • Marko Loimaan-Aho
          Forum Member
          Forum Member
          • May 2014
          • 709
          #3
          Re: Farewell, Landover Baptist

          Originally posted by ThatOneGuyHolmberg View Post
          I'm leaving, Landover Baptist. I am obviously not wanted here, and not well enough versed in the bible. So for the time being, this is my farewell. I wish every one of you a godly life, and an eternity with christ.

          Your Truly,
          ThatOneGuyOverThere
          Repent sinner!!!

          Or burn in
          PRAISE THE LORD ALMIGHTY!
          Revelation 21:8

          Animal Rights - A Christian Perspective
          Satan’s new technology – Black is even darker than before

            Comment

            • Witch Hammer
              True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2006
              • 1717
              #4
              Re: Farewell, Landover Baptist

              Originally posted by Marko Loimaan-Aho View Post
              Repent sinner!!!

              Or burn in
              The waif is certainly on a slippery slope, my friend. May Christ's Angels guard his buttocks with fiery swords from satan's hip-bucking minions. We can only pray...

                Comment

                • Pastor Ezekiel
                  Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                   
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 78555
                  #5
                  Re: Farewell, Landover Baptist

                  Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya on your way out.
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment

                    • Basilissa
                      South of the Border outreach program
                      True Christian™
                       
                      • Mar 2013
                      • 12975
                      #6
                      Re: Farewell, Landover Baptist

                      Originally posted by ThatOneGuyHolmberg View Post
                      I'm leaving, Landover Baptist. I am obviously not wanted here, and not well enough versed in the bible. So for the time being, this is my farewell. I wish every one of you a godly life, and an eternity with christ.

                      Your Truly,
                      ThatOneGuyOverThere
                      I will pray for you. It probably won't change anything for you (apparently, wants you roasted, otherwise He would have changed your heart already), but it will make me feel better about myself.
                      God created fossils to test our faith.

                      * * *

                      My favorite LBC sermons:
                      True Christians are Perfect!
                      True Christian™ Love.
                      Salvation™ made Easy!
                      You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                      Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                      Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                       Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                      Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                      The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                      Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                      God HATES Rational Thinking!
                      True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                        Comment

                        • Zechariah Smyth
                          Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
                          True Christian™
                          • Feb 2011
                          • 15251
                          #7
                          Re: Farewell, Landover Baptist

                          Well, I pray that Jesus doesn't drop an upright piano on you in the meantime because...

                          <--- unsaved

                          Lemme tellya, He's done it pleeeeeennnnnnty of times before.

                          YiC,

                          Zech
                          sigpic

                            Comment

                            • Mary Etheldreda
                              Gushing for Jesus
                               
                              • Sep 2011
                              • 23775
                              #8
                              Re: Farewell, Landover Baptist

                              Originally posted by Witch Hammer View Post
                              The waif is certainly on a slippery slope, my friend. May Christ's Angels guard his buttocks with fiery swords from satan's hip-bucking minions. We can only pray...
                              I don't know that I really want to pray for the integrity of this sinner's back door. He's essentially bending over and flaunting its wide open access right in Jesus' face. Wouldn't it be a waste of my prayer?
                              Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                                Comment

                                • Witch Hammer
                                  True Christian™
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Sep 2006
                                  • 1717
                                  #9
                                  Re: Farewell, Landover Baptist

                                  Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                                  I don't know that I really want to pray for the integrity of this sinner's back door. He's essentially bending over and flaunting its wide open access right in Jesus' face. Wouldn't it be a waste of my prayer?
                                  That is true, Sister. The last thing our Sweet Savior needs is another sodomite fluffing it's tail directly under His nose...I am sometimes too hopeful for lost causes...forgive me, Lord.

                                  Holy Christ, I pray thee send thy angels thence and build a gangplank in their stead, that legions of anal demons may delve therein and skitter hither and thither, to and fro with impunity. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.

                                    Comment

                                    • Mary Etheldreda
                                      Gushing for Jesus
                                       
                                      • Sep 2011
                                      • 23775
                                      #10
                                      Re: Farewell, Landover Baptist

                                      Originally posted by Witch Hammer View Post

                                      Holy Christ, I pray thee send thy angels thence and build a gangplank in their stead, that legions of anal demons may delve therein and skitter hither and thither, to and fro with impunity. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen.
                                      Amen.
                                      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                                        Comment

                                        • Thomas Helwys
                                          Forum Member
                                          Forum Member
                                          • Aug 2014
                                          • 126
                                          #11
                                          Re: Farewell, Landover Baptist

                                          Originally posted by ThatOneGuyHolmberg View Post
                                          I wish every one of you a godly life, and an eternity with christ.

                                          Your Truly,
                                          ThatOneGuyOverThere
                                          We don't "wish" a Godly life; we already have a Godly life! Ephesians 2:8 says "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God" You must be confusing faith with wishing or something. I really don't know; besides you should be capitalizing Godly. God becomes angry when you blaspheme Him by not capitalizing His name. And since God is also the Holy Spirit and you've blasphemed Him and the Holy Spirit through Him...well, I think we know where you are going! Mathew 12:31 "Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men"

                                          I'd buy an air conditioning unit where you're heading!!! AMEN!!!
                                          Revelation 19:15-16 "And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, King Of Kings, And Lord Of Lords."

                                            Comment

                                            • Faith_Machine
                                              Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                                              True Christian™
                                              • Mar 2011
                                              • 10050
                                              #12
                                              Re: Farewell, Landover Baptist

                                              I'm sorry, but I'm appalled that so many of you are so complacent about allowing this lamb to stray off and go his own way. Just because God gives people freedom of choice, that doesn't mean we have to.
                                              WARNING:
                                              In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                                              REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                                                Comment

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