Jim is back!

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Hello brothers & sisters, I'm back after an grueling mission to Haiti four years, where I was dispatched to save some of those nasty naggers in their desolate wasteland of a country. You may be wondering what took me so long for my return. Well, I was kidnapped by some rogue Haitian terrorists during my stay; the earthquake had brought out the devil in most of the population.

I was held captive for four years in a tin shack where they performed all sorts of horrible voodoo experiments on me. I won't elaborate on that. Anyway, to make a long story short, I survived off of stray cats. Lord Almighty, they were a meowful to swallow. Eventually I was rescued an intelligence infiltration squad that blew up the shack. Miraculously, I survived, was cleaned off and returned back to America safe and sound.

Anyway, it was awful. Don't go there. I'm just so happy to be back, Thank the Lord.

-Jim

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Jim is back!

Hello Jim! Tell us, how did many converts did you make down there in the devil's playground? You don't suffer any of that foolish "shell shock" or "PTSD" nonsense after your adventures, I trust. Anyway, congratulations avoiding Ebola, and welcome to our friendly forums.

[Des]

Re: Jim is back!

I feel your pain. When I was in Cambodia recently, the hotel misplaced my luggage and couldn't find it for almost an hour. On top of that, I couldn't get a decent steak the whole time I was there. Truly horrific.

I want to reach those poor heathens, but from now on I'll be doing it by hosting young Asian girls through student exchange programs. It's either that or see if Omaha Steak can overnight shipments there.

[Basilissa]

Re: Jim is back!

Hello brothers & sisters, I'm back after an grueling mission to Haiti four years, where I was dispatched to save some of those nasty naggers in their desolate wasteland of a country. You may be wondering what took me so long for my return. Well, I was kidnapped by some rogue Haitian terrorists during my stay; the earthquake had brought out the devil in most of the population.

I was held captive for four years in a tin shack where they performed all sorts of horrible voodoo experiments on me. I won't elaborate on that. Anyway, to make a long story short, I survived off of stray cats. Lord Almighty, they were a meowful to swallow. Eventually I was rescued an intelligence infiltration squad that blew up the shack. Miraculously, I survived, was cleaned off and returned back to America safe and sound.

Anyway, it was awful. Don't go there. I'm just so happy to be back, Thank the Lord.

-Jim

Hello and cautious to our Godly forum. You certainly sound like a decent fellow, but I do hope that you were on a Baptist mission to Haiti - I hope that you are spreading the True™ Word of God, and not some fluffy-bunny false Christianity?

Personally, I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I am currently on the Landover Baptist Church Mission to Godless South America, and it is awful, just awful. The people are awful, the food is awful, the environment is awful... every moment I'm here reminds me how lucky I am to be the citizen of God's Favorite Country!

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Jim is back!

Hello brothers & sisters, I'm back after an grueling mission to Haiti four years, where I was dispatched to save some of those nasty naggers in their desolate wasteland of a country. You may be wondering what took me so long for my return. Well, I was kidnapped by some rogue Haitian terrorists during my stay; the earthquake had brought out the devil in most of the population.

I was held captive for four years in a tin shack where they performed all sorts of horrible voodoo experiments on me. I won't elaborate on that. Anyway, to make a long story short, I survived off of stray cats. Lord Almighty, they were a meowful to swallow. Eventually I was rescued an intelligence infiltration squad that blew up the shack. Miraculously, I survived, was cleaned off and returned back to America safe and sound.

Anyway, it was awful. Don't go there. I'm just so happy to be back, Thank the Lord.

-Jim

Every cat you dispatched back to the hell from whence it sprang is one less witch's familiar I'll have to deal with. Nice work!

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Jim is back!

Hello Jim! Tell us, how did many converts did you make down there in the devil's playground? You don't suffer any of that foolish "shell shock" or "PTSD" nonsense after your adventures, I trust. Anyway, congratulations avoiding Ebola, and welcome to our friendly forums.

I tried sister but my attempt at black-speak ebonics to appeal to those sucker mouthed gobblywogs was lost on deaf ears. They were hooting and hollering about me shipping white women down to Haiti to boost their uppity morale.

As for the rest of the lot here, I don't know most of you. This site was a different place when I was known as Jimmy years ago. But as most of you are True Christians I'll tip my 10-gallon cowboy hat to you in salute.

[Des]

Re: Jim is back!

The Hateian Negro speaks a dialect of Ebola that is related to the Swamp Darkie Cajun tongue, if memory serves. It is a bit different from standard Ghetto Ebola.

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Jim is back!

I guess I should have done my homework before I went. It's hard getting the hang of languages not worth learning (Which would be all of them, except English. Duh.)

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Jim is back!

I guess I should have done my homework before I went. It's hard getting the hang of languages not worth learning (Which would be all of them, except English. Duh.)

Well, I've never been on a mission so I wouldn't know, but I have spoken to a few negroes in my day. I don't think it would have mattered. They're naturally distrustful of civilized people, and a long distance reading of Scripture is probably the safest way to share the Good News. Besides, the King James Version Holy Bible says the same thing in any language.

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Jim is back!

The negroes you spoke to, they didn't happen to be your help?

[Des]

Re: Jim is back!

Sister Mary is correct. There is only one safe way to evangelize to the Darkie in his native habitat.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Jim is back!

Praise Jesus, Jimmy! I never thought we'd see you again. I've been having the Prayer Warriors Pray for you, but I really thought you'd been butchered, cooked and eaten by the jigs in Haiti. Thank God you're back amongst the Normal people.

I hope you had a good long bath as soon as you got back. I know I always do after spending time doing my missionary work to the godless slopes.