Praise Jesus and Landover

[Captain Christian]

I am new to Landover; please welcome me into your fold. Let my Christian credentials be revealed in His holy name. I look forward to many blessings with like minded kindred spirits on this wonderful site.

[Basilissa]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

I am new to Landover; please welcome me into your fold. Let my Christian credentials be revealed in His holy name. I look forward to many blessings with like minded kindred spirits on this wonderful site.

Hello, dear, and welcome to God's favorite forum!

Would you be so kind to follow the directions which are conveniently spelled out on the top of this page?

[Jedediah]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

Welcome, friend.

What church do you go to? What is your favorite Bible verse? How did you come to find Jesus?

[Captain Christian]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

Hello, dear, and welcome to God's favorite forum!

Would you be so kind to follow the directions which are conveniently spelled out on the top of this page?

Of Course. I'm from Canda and attend "St James Bond United Church". It's a Church of Truth with Jesus at the helm.
My favourite bible verse is Leviticus 15:19-30 "And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days... And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even... And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness."
I guess you can tell I'm kind of a clean freak.
I came to know Jesus and be saved at age six my mother tells me. I don't remember it so wellbeing so young, so just to make sure I got born again at age 10, then re-saved and born yet again in my teens and again a few times as an adult. You can never be too careful about being saved, praise God's holy name.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

So after I waste 10 whole minutes making you a new avatar, that's the best you can do? Jesus is disappoint.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

Of Course. I'm from Canda and attend "St James Bond United Church". It's a Church of Truth with Jesus at the helm.
My favourite bible verse is Leviticus 15:19-30 "And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days... And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even... And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness."
I guess you can tell I'm kind of a clean freak.
I came to know Jesus and be saved at age six my mother tells me. I don't remember it so wellbeing so young, so just to make sure I got born again at age 10, then re-saved and born yet again in my teens and again a few times as an adult. You can never be too careful about being saved, praise God's holy name.

Hello, and welcome! I am glad you at least are following that part of the Bible; I hope you follow the rest of ALL the Lord's holy commands too! Why are you attending a United church. Remember James 2:10, "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all." May I suggest that you leave that "church" and attend a true, Christian Baptist church; there you will find Jesus. And while you are in the search for that, I'd recommend getting to know the godly people on this sight. I'd make sure you go to a Baptist church that is truly American and make sure the pastors work with you so that you are truly saved, since I want to make sure as many as possible make it to heaven where we will be praising the Lord eternally!

[Jedediah]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

Of Course. I'm from Canda and attend "St James Bond United Church". It's a Church of Truth with Jesus at the helm.
My favourite bible verse is Leviticus 15:19-30 "And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days... And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even... And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness."
I guess you can tell I'm kind of a clean freak.
I came to know Jesus and be saved at age six my mother tells me. I don't remember it so wellbeing so young, so just to make sure I got born again at age 10, then re-saved and born yet again in my teens and again a few times as an adult. You can never be too careful about being saved, praise God's holy name.

Proper attendance to menstrual hygiene is just one of the many anointed teachings that have fallen to the wayside as secularization has strangled our Christian Nation during these End Times. When I walk among the unsaved, I refuse to sit on anything because there's no telling whether or not some lady's blood-soaked maxi pads have rubbed up all against it. People think I'm strange for bringing a folding chair with me wherever I go, but when Salvation is on the line, I don't hedge my bets.

I am glad to see that you are as concerned about rampant public menstruation as I am. With all that's going on in the world, people often neglect such important doctrinal issues. That's why centering our lives around the highly relevant wisdom of the Holy Bible is so important - to help us focus on what really matters in life.

[Thomas Helwys]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

Welcome to our forum Captain Christian! I see you are a soldier in the Lord's Army! In these days of great trouble on this old broken down world we need those who have the intestinal fortitude to stand up to evil. Ephesians 6:12 tells us "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high". And we sure have lots of evil in high places! We could start to talk about the "White House", well it's not so white now but it sure used to be when this guy was our heavenly appointed President:



(Sorry ladies, I know his picture causes many of you to swoon!)

So Captain Jesus, tell us exactly how far you're willing to fight for Jesus? And also have you remembered to tithe to Landover Baptist Church? (Don't lie on that one, your sins will find you out!)

And again, welcome to the friendlies internet forum ever!!

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

Of Course. I'm from Canda and attend "St James Bond United Church". blah blah blah

Are you some filthy cannibal-cult Catlick?



Kick the incense and Wheat Thins to the curb, friend, and embrace Jesus!



Yours in Christ (NOT MARY),

Z. Smyth

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

Jedediah, that was a sobering post. I am thinking about getting a German shepherd and having it trained to alert me any time a woman is engaging in public menstruation. I don't like being exposed to that level of uncleanness without even knowing about it.

[Captain Christian]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

Thank you one and all true Christians for your warm welcome. I can assure you I ain't one of those idol worshiping, Mary loving, ring kissing fools. My church is true Jesus Loving Protestant formed in 1927 from a whole bunch of churches (all of them true ones). Our only problem comes from our liberal, worldly, modern times; we got a few Nancy boys trying to infestuate our church but we're working on that to restore back to when all was right with America and Canada.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

Welcome to our friendly, inviting forums.

I'm curious. Where is Canda? I believe the person seeking to please Christ would also spell the name of his or her own land correctly. I mention this not to criticize or seem unfriendly. Most Americans would be taken aback if someone said "I am from the Unted Stats of Americ. Can a stat even be unted?

Christ has instructed us to be perfect as He is. (Matthew 5:48)

His words are straightforward. They are a command. They are a command to be perfect – to be perfect right now. They leave no room for the idea of working on eventually becoming perfect. Not only that, He also says that our perfection is to be measured against the absolute perfection of our Heavenly Father, not the relative perfection of our fellow humans. Neither is Jesus using figurative language or difficult terms. His words are simple and to the point. He is commanding absolute perfection right now.


That makes these words very sobering. Who can meet such a standard? What do our consciences tell us? That we are perfect is not their message. That's alarming because God not only commands perfection; he also condemns all who are not perfect. "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all." (James 2:10) Think of the effect the word "guilty" has when spoken by a judge in a courtroom while pounding his gavel to make his verdict final. That is the same effect, but to a much greater degree, that the word guilty has when uttered by God, the Judge of the universe. It has eternal consequences.


Many don't want to accept this. Therefore they attempt to change Jesus' clear words to say something different than a command for absolute perfection right now. Or else they try to ignore them. But neither tactic will work. One day everybody will be called to account by God himself. And perfection is the standard He will use to judge them. That is the absolute truth. So, imagine Jesus somewhere pounding His huge gavel.



It is probably the largest gavel you will ever see, and every day He pounds it until He is satisfied that justice is spewing forth. Will His gavel pound out perfection for you, or mediocrity?



One thing is important to remember. God knows Canadians aren't as high on the food chain as we Americans. He naturally, then, expects more perfection from us than He does, say, a transplanted Pakastani from Saskatchewan.



We here at Landover have perfected perfection because we understand how important it is to follow every word of God's Holy Book. When Jesus is pounding His gavel in a private room apart from the angels and His Daddy, and God knocks on the door to see what Jesus is doing, our Heavenly Father knows that His Son is about doing His business.



I will pray for you in my luxuriously appointed prayer closet in an exclusive area of Freehold that you understand the reality of what it means to please our Lord completely. God invented spell check, my dear.



I suspect most Canadians will go to hell, but perhaps you'll be different.


In the wondrous love of Christ,
NRL

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

we're working on that to restore back to when all was right with America and Canada.

When was that?

[Didymus Much]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

...we're working on that to restore back to when all was right with America and Canada.

When was that?

August 28, 1814, maybe?

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Praise Jesus and Landover

So then; you think these heathens may be coming south?