[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Meh, already read them. Is this a re-gift?? I was hoping for something a bit more racy. But if you're busy don't worry about it.

[Santa Claus]

Meh, already read them. Is this a re-gift?? I was hoping for something a bit more racy. But if you're busy don't worry about it.

Tiny-Tony, ho ho ho! After 11 months of (well-earned) vacation I'm here to fulfill the wishes of my noodle-doodles (if they've been nice)! So. No worries. You might be ready to take on some hard-core stuff that contains actual science, even if this is one of the books that your pastors have been trying to burn. But. Flames do tend to die out quickly on North Pole (burning ice is not an easy task, due to which JHC never visited Greenland or our realm when he traveled around).


There are several pages dedicated to toucan reproduction, anatomy and the ecological aspects will give you insights about their evolution over millions of years. Highy recommended and please make your hosierys extra large by the mantlepiece this Christmas, as it is a thick but satisfying product that wil not fit any opening.

Meanwhile, some holiday fun from yours truly! Ho ho ho.

[Romeo Rovagnati]

Since Mrs. Isabella Bianchi seems to be currently busy (pheraps, she is making some knitting for her nephews) I'll ask something on her behalf. What will Santa bring her?

[Santa Claus]

Since Mrs. Isabella Bianchi seems to be currently busy (pheraps, she is making some knitting for her nephews) I'll ask something on her behalf. What will Santa bring her?

Of course, you Sweet Boy! So nice of you to ask something on the behalf of Sweet Old 'Bella, my young girlygirl. She's been reasonably nice within her somewhat acrid and tempestuous framework, and she definitely needs to chill down. So. An Evening Gown. A nice new dress for her late-night parties accompanied with a few bottles of her favorite cold beverage! Ho ho ho.

[Isabella White]

All right. That's quite enough — from the pair of you, Mr. Rovagnati and SATAN Claus!! For your consideration (and I suppose that concern would be much too much to ask for!), I have been recovering after a nasty fall that required a hip replacement (at my age!) and I am in absolutely no mood for either of you bound heathens! I fell when I attempted to kick my Cathyolick neighbor's football out of my prize-winning dahlia garden. Curses to those vagrants for causing this, and curses to both of you for whatever you are up to!!

[Santa Claus]

All right. That's quite enough — from the pair of you, Mr. Rovagnati and SATAN Claus!! For your consideration (and I suppose that concern would be much too much to ask for!), I have been recovering after a nasty fall that required a hip replacement (at my age!) and I am in absolutely no mood for either of you bound heathens! I fell when I attempted to kick my Cathyolick neighbor's football out of my prize-winning dahlia garden. Curses to those vagrants for causing this, and curses to both of you for whatever you are up to!!

Bella Bellissima! My teeny Tantrum-teddybear! Always as cute as ever you are! I know that you're upset because the baby toucans are not coming your way... and it was not such a good idea to jump the gun with the bubbly, was it ? Champagne + high heels+ getting into the groove = trouble at your age, but I hope it was mostly a nice and not a naughty night. Anyway, despite the mayhem, it is good that you're feeling not only witty but also gay. So, let's see what we can deliver for the missing "pretty" part. And. I. Can! As always. Here's one of your favorite products entering your hosiery very very soon.



And if (=when) that won't do it wholly, there's always some filler putty for les rides sur ton visage.



Feel free to feel pretty and witty and bright but for all the gods' sake, sit down before starting the next jeroboam of bubbly, my dear!

[Isabella White]

Bella Bellissima! My teeny Tantrum-teddybear! Always as cute as ever you are! I know that you're upset because the baby toucans are not coming your way... and it was not such a good idea to jump the gun with the bubbly, was it ? Champagne + high heels+ getting into the groove = trouble at your age, but I hope it was mostly a nice and not a naughty night. Anyway, despite the mayhem, it is good that you're feeling not only witty but also gay. So, let's see what we can deliver for the missing "pretty" part. And. I. Can! As always. Here's one of your favorite products entering your hosiery very very soon.



And if (=when) that won't do it wholly, there's always some filler putty for les rides sur ton visage.



Feel free to feel pretty and witty and bright but for all the gods' sake, sit down before starting the next jeroboam of bubbly, my dear!

Let's get a few things straight here, SATAN Claus. For one thing, I was NOT drinking Champagne!! These holy lips have never as much as sniffed a cork, let alone imbibed demonic alcohol. And, I can say that because the blessed commands this:


Ephesians 5:18 "And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;"

And, I will have you know that we have no time for that foreign French talking on . Here, at , we proudly speak only English, so kindly refrain from that other jibber-jabber stuff! Since I wondered what insulting thing you were saying, I looked up that phrase and I am pleased to tell you that these wrinkles on this face are because of decades of dedicated service unto the — worrying about the souls of those who are headed straight to , and for praying many long hours each day for the Will of the to be done. Speaking of the Will of the , it might interest you to know that I have asked dear to have you banned from — expect to be banished and sent to eternal at any moment!!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Ephesians 5:18 "And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;"

Speaking of the Will of the , it might interest you to know that I have asked dear to have you banned from — expect to be banished and sent to eternal at any moment!!

Thank you, Sister Isabella, for setting this particular Santa packing. I'm afraid this Santa entered the whiskey room in the North Pole and never came out.

[Santa Claus]

Let's get a few things straight here, SATAN Claus. For one thing, I was NOT drinking Champagne!! These holy lips have never as much as sniffed a cork, let alone imbibed demonic alcohol. And, I can say that because the blessed commands this:

Ephesians 5:18 "And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;"

Bella, Lassie. Sweet and sour just like my favorite Chinese dishes! I know that you do enjoy mocking me but it does not matter. It is irrelevant if you revere or dispise me, as my task is simply to deliver. I do admit that my deliverances are partly conditional (nice/naughty, but I also deliver to the naughty ones), so different from Jesus, whose love is always conditional and depends on blind faith (have you ever seen him deliver nice plastic toys to your young 'uns, I'm only asking) and worship. Putting that self-evident piece of information aside, I appreciate your request of spirits. I understand that wine is too mellow for a strong, independent woman such as you are, dear sweet Bella-Baby!

Here's an example of the spirits that you can be filled with this Christmas! I shall deliver.



I also do believe that your lips have never sniffed a cork, in fact, nobody's lips have ever sniffed anything, as they have no sense of smell nor taste. But they have a sense of touch and I can assure you that my products will give a nice warm sensation not ony to your lips but also pharynx, larynx, oesophagus and tummy!



In this image, I am with my sister contemplating an axe we were planning to deliver to you but, based on your recent injuries and the upcoming filling-her-up with spirits, we decided to postpone it by at least a couple of years.

[Santa Claus]

Thank you, Sister Isabella, for setting this particular Santa packing. I'm afraid this Santa entered the whiskey room in the North Pole and never came out.

Johny Boy, such a cryptic request! I'll have to deal with this based on your nice-naughty balance. I am happy to declare that despite your sometimes harsh words to those who refuse to believe utterly far-fetched unproven mystical things, you are a nice and sincere lad in your naïvety. Hence, I shall deliver. I'll make a donation in your name to axolotl protection administered by Conservation International. This will undoubtedly please you as you consider yourself also a conservative, don't you young Johny!? Are't axolotls sweet and cute?



I also love axolotls. DId you know that they can grow new limbs and even parts of their brain? This gives unprecedented hope to all suffering from severe head or limb trauma. And you, as you can also perhaps one day recover some brain tissue that has been degenerating due to prolonged fallacious appeals to authority and ad consequentiam. As you can see, axolotls overshadow sweet boy Jesus in this manner, big time! Have not yet seen a mountain move but axolotls perform these regenerative wonders quite naturally.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Santa, can we order gifts through you? If so, I'd like to place an order of a bag of rusty nails for my nasty ex-wife. And the Toucan book.

[Santa Claus]

Santa, can we order gifts through you? If so, I'd like to place an order of a bag of rusty nails for my nasty ex-wife. And the Toucan book.

Certo, Antonio, il mio ragazzino-cazzolino! Of course I'll deliver, as requested. In fact, rusty nails were a fad among our female elfs (and many of our male-elf couples) a few decades ago. As promised, she'll have a nice gift card to a prestigious manucurist for the perfect, natural lookin' (all vegan!) rusty nail finish! I've charged your account for 1231 $ + VAT + 20% tip. Nothing's too nice for our loved ones, eh?



Aren't these rusty nails FABULOSAS, eh! Anyway, toucan books are in high demand this year, but I managed to get her a copy.



You'll be delighted to know that your ex-significant other has not forsaken you! In fact, she also asked me to deliver a nice gift card for you personally! I dunno what it is meant for, but it is decorated with this beautiful image, apparently you know what it represents.



So nice to have these loverly talks, Tony dear. Never hesitate to contact il tuo Don Babbo Natale if you wish to have something else delivered!

[Basilissa]

In this image, I am with my sister contemplating an axe we were planning to deliver to you but, based on your recent injuries and the upcoming filling-her-up with spirits, we decided to postpone it by at least a couple of years.

What you should be contemplating, dear, is using that axe to bring your sister's number of fingers on her right hand, to the number generally alloted by Jesus.

Just saying.

[Isabella White]

What you should be contemplating, dear, is using that axe to bring your sister's number of fingers on her right hand, to the number generally alloted by Jesus.

Just saying.

You tell him, dear Sister Basilissa! SATAN Claus is not listening to a blessed thing I say. And here I am, addled with pain from my hip replacement, forced to use a walker and to take morphine for the pain, AND having to put up with insults from that bound pervert! You may have noticed that everything that SATAN Claus posts is "gay" this and "gay" that — clearly trying to ruin the good image of the people here at . Well, it won't work. It will not work, and that is all there is to it!! It's only a matter of time before SATAN Claus finds himself right where he belongs!

Revelation 20:10 "And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever.

Well, I, for one, cannot wait until the day when the good follows through with glorious promise of eternal punishment for SATAN Claus. Just think of all of the innocent children around the world who have been led astray, no thanks to his evil manipulations! If only those dear, little kiddies could see what SATAN Claus is really all about!

[Santa Claus]

What you should be contemplating, dear, is using that axe to bring your sister's number of fingers on her right hand, to the number generally alloted by Jesus.

Just saying.

'Lissa, Pumpkin! It is not very nice to ridicule the polydactyly of Me Sis'!

This will obviously decrease your Nice Values considerably. But, as the magnanimous person that I am, I'll still deliver! This is a gift that will give you many minutes of comfort, joy and gaiety! It is a collection of holes in Swiss cheeses. They are very useful, as evidenced by Tao Te Ching, Chapter 11: "Shape clay into a vessel; It is the space within that makes it useful. Cut doors and windows for a room; It is the holes which make it useful." By the simple but efficient logic of analogy, we can determine that the usefulness of Swiss Cheese is in its holes. Ho ho holes.



You can now show your collection to all your little friends. Meanwhile, this makes me reminisce about all the good times I had in ancient Mesoamerica with the Mayan kings every winter solstice! The demise of their culture left a big hole in my heart. The usefulness of a quill is in the hollow within the feather. I should also get some sleep but that'll come in just a fortnight!