[DarwinFishTrueChurch]

Daniel P. Barron, a member of my church, is still without a wife, he's 38. Does any of you ladies wish to have him? He believes what I believe like all members of the true Christian religion do.

[Anthony Harper]

This thread will serve as a tool to help the single ladies of Landover land a good husband.

Here are a few tips to start. Please feel free to add your own suggestions. I'm sure the single ladies will appreciate it.

#1: Touch his arm when you are speaking to him. This will get his attention.

#2: Send him a random text message midday. A True Christian man will appreciate a special scripture quote.

#3: Ask him a question about something he knows a lot about (such JESUS or fixing cars or mowing the lawn)

#4: Give him a very specific compliment. Always make the compliment sincere.

(Telling a guy he's funny, handsome, or smart or extra GODLY is always appreciated but don't be too flirty, he will think you are a whore)

#5: Show off your cooking talents by baking him his favorite pie or a nice pot roast after Church on Sunday.

#6: Show off your cleaning abilities by cleaning his house on a weekly basis.

#7: Wash his feet like you would for JESUS.

Dating news flash: Guys like to show off for you. So if your True Christian gentleman could use an ego boost, there's nothing like letting him feel like an expert. Ask him about fishing, JESUS, how to BBQ the perfect pig -- whatever he's in to. Just remember to nod frequently and look really interested (but not like a whore).

This is excellent advice, Daisy Mae. Sadly, the devil has corrupted many ladies' minds teaching them to dress in sinful ways. For example, young women have been wearing loose and trashy clothing; a proper lady is supposed to wear a dress or a skirt. Pants are not appropriate; especially those carpenter style pants or bell bottoms.

Then there is something even worse: a septum piercing! Anyone who has this on their nose can safely be considered insane. No sane person would want to look like a bull! Ladies should keep their faces free from this nonsense. Do you want to look like this?