[Nurse Clampett]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

Now, now ladies, just remember; for those special nights alone, when you are about to do the Lord’s bidding as stated in holy scripture,
please remember to keep the key to the chastity belt very close by and easily accessible. You know how we men folk hate to fidget with complicated contraptions when we’re all hot and bothered and about ready to become fruitful with you. I suggest that when you little Christian angels are laying there on the king’s size mattress in the proper missionary position, with your arms clasped along your person, and your eyes closed tight, make sure that the chastity belt key is sitting there exposed on top of the night stand located on the right side of the bed, with a great big stapler attached to it for easy viewing.

If you're one of those ladies that’s always losing keys, you can always use a combination lock.





The Honorable Brother Jessup T. Lloyd, Esq. has spoken to the women folk…….Amen!

You can't expect a woman to keep the keys to her own chastity belt!
The Godly Husband has the keys to mine when he's at work or out homo hunting. It would take the crafty Italian ways of a young muscular criminal like my pool man Guido to jimmy the lock and put it back without suspicion.

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

Protecting the public is such a manly job. You must work up quite an appetite by the end of your shifts! You need a woman who is able to whip up a meal fit for a king (which is exactly what you are).

Now Victory, do you have a crush on Officer Don? You must be impressed with his night stick!

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazars

[VictoryOS]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

I wasn't bestowed the honor of being added to the department's wall of fame for the most traffic citations issued in one shift by sitting around at home.

Protecting the public is such a manly job. You must work up quite an appetite by the end of your shifts! You need a woman who is able to whip up a meal fit for a king (which is exactly what you are).

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

I wasn't bestowed the honor of being added to the department's wall of fame for the most traffic citations issued in one shift by sitting around at home.

Impressive Brother Officer Sir. I'll bet that will impress the ladies.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

It so happens that I'm a single man. I'm looking for a woman to get to know and have a Christian relationship with. Being an Officer of the Law doesn't leave me much time for a personal life, so she would have to be used to me having to be gone at any given time to keep the peace.

I wasn't bestowed the honor of being added to the department's wall of fame for the most traffic citations issued in one shift by sitting around at home.

[James Hutchins]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

Do not 'wonder', it is not your place to do so. Your mind should only be filled with thoughts of doing your chores batter and what you can do to make your husband happier. You should not have the time for foolish thoughts of fancy.

[Brother Jessup]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

Now, now ladies, just remember; for those special nights alone, when you are about to do the Lord’s bidding as stated in holy scripture,
please remember to keep the key to the chastity belt very close by and easily accessible. You know how we men folk hate to fidget with complicated contraptions when we’re all hot and bothered and about ready to become fruitful with you. I suggest that when you little Christian angels are laying there on the king’s size mattress in the proper missionary position, with your arms clasped along your person, and your eyes closed tight, make sure that the chastity belt key is sitting there exposed on top of the night stand located on the right side of the bed, with a great big stapler attached to it for easy viewing.

If you're one of those ladies that’s always losing keys, you can always use a combination lock.





The Honorable Brother Jessup T. Lloyd, Esq. has spoken to the women folk…….Amen!

[Sister Kristi]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

Another tip.

On Wednesday's I often go over to Pastor Zeke's house and iron his underwear and then his paper money. He likes both of them crisp and clean.
(I'm not sure why, but he likes me to iron his one dollar bills folded once down the center length wise...something about Friday night Stripper Salvation night that he and the boys go to)

I love to iron for my husband, and I always wondered about the ironing of the dollar bills, but never asked as a good wife should. He is such a wonderful husband trying to save those poor girls with large hooters. I always thought he was talking about a bird catcher...

[VictoryOS]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

I am so glad this thread has come back to life. Keep the tips coming, ladies! Some of us are sure that the Lord will smile upon us soon with a perfect Christian Prince to sweep us off our feet! We need to be ready for that opportunity so it doesn't pass us by.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

Another tip.

On Wednesday's I often go over to Pastor Zeke's house and iron his underwear and then his paper money. He likes both of them crisp and clean.
(I'm not sure why, but he likes me to iron his one dollar bills folded once down the center length wise...something about Friday night Stripper Salvation night that he and the boys go to)

[Miss April]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

I do That's Wonderful Sister aww i'm sure it will be worth it in the end Thanks so much and for the tip i will make sure and do that when I get a Husband

[MrMannnly]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

Sister you should be appreciative: Pastor Zeke wants nothing but the absolute PERFECT wedding for you! How many men would postpone the wedding for 2 years because the roses were two shades off alabaster white? Obviously a man who cares for you and wants you to have the best wedding tax-free money can buy

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

This is a great thread Sister Bible Thumpin Blonde I'll use this guide cause i'm trying too find a good true Christian husband

Trust me, these tips work. I managed to get Pastor Zeke to propose to me 5 years ago and my 6 carrat ring is just gorgeous! It's taking forever to finish the wedding plans though Pastor Zeke keeps changing his mind on everything.... the colors, the caterer, the cake. I'll just keep being patient.... one of these days it will pay off.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!

Helpful, Sister Thumper

P/S: If you already have a man...or when you get a man you should bring him lunch to work everyday that is fit for a king every! This will impress him and he will rely on you to feed him. I would also sneak in a little note about how strong and handsome he is just like JESUS.

[Miss April]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

This is a great thread Sister Bible Thumpin Blonde I'll use this guide cause i'm trying too find a good true Christian husband

[Brother Jessup]

Re: How to Land a Good Husband

Never ever tell your man he’s wrong or try and correct him, unless of course, you’re both in the car driving along an unfamiliar road and the map directions ain’t doing what there supposed to do. However, be careful ladies; don’t try to show your man up by proving that you’re smarter than he is, because it’s still a sin to do so, even if you really are smarter than he is.

Instead, take the Godly route and make him turn into the nearest station so you can use the restroom to powder your nose. Meanwhile, sneak into the back garage and ask the local grease monkey how to get to the Marie Callender’s Family Restaurant that’s off the 135 hwy. Then go back into the car and continue driving; only you can use your womanly charms and male manipulation techniques to inch your way in the right direction without letting the poor fool know that he ain’t driving using the map no more. It’s only a little white lie, and lying is wrong, but believes you me……Jesus will understand.

The Honorable Brother Jessup T. Lloyd, Esq. has spoken..……..Amen!