[Shadow]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

Well hes not exactly scary..

[Bob4God]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

Don't you have somewhere else to be, Shadow? Such as learning spelling and punctuation?

If not, can I interest you in eternal bliss in Heaven with JESUS CHRIST?

[Shadow]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

Whats wrong with my spelling? Point out a problem.

Think I'll pass on the Jesus thing, never was a big fan of fictional stories.

[Bob4God]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

Ya (if you are going to use it, it should be spelled "yeah.") 16 is legal here.
& I agree about the condoms, too young to be parents.
Wow theres (you're using a contraction between 'there' and 'is' which requires the use of an apostrophe.) actually a sane person on here!

Well hes ('He' should be capitalized and again, the contraction needs an apostrophe.) not exactly scary.. (what's with the two periods?)

Whats (contraction!) wrong with my spelling? Point out a problem. (I did)

See above.

[Shadow]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

Thanks for the english lesson. I usually dont bother putting in apostrophes online, only in handwriting. Most people dont seem to care

[Bob4God]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

It's okay Shadow, I don't mean anything by it. I don't care how you spell, I care about how you believe.

So, have you changed your mind about going to Hell and burning in a literal lake of fire forever and ever?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

Thanks for the english lesson. I usually dont bother putting in apostrophes online, only in handwriting. Most people dont seem to care

We don't allow 16 year old God mockers to soil the pages of God's favorite forum. Enjoy hell.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

So you forced a child to marry against her will, poisoned her, tied her up, raped her, and beat her senseless, and you call that love?
No wonder she left you.

Hey, I didn't poison her. That was good, patriotic 100% American-made wine. I purchased it from Godly Wal-Mart - cost me damn near $2.00/gallon. You don't think I'd force her to drink that Mexirican-made poison like tequilla or Kahlua, do you? Nope - for my bride, only the best.

YIC,
Buford

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

Hey, I didn't poison her. That was good, patriotic 100% American-made wine. I purchased it from Godly Wal-Mart - cost me damn near $2.00/gallon. You don't think I'd force her to drink that Mexirican-made poison like tequilla or Kahlua, do you? Nope - for my bride, only the best.

YIC,
Buford

Funneling a whole bottle of wine down her throat would induce alcohol poisoning.
And Thunderbird? Ick. You'd be better off using that stuff for weed-killer than drinking it.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

Its good not to be tied down by religion. Im able to express love how I want, why would 'god' have a rule about not have sex before marriage? Im 16, having sex with my girlfriend, and wait for it... Im not burning! I think ye're just missing out! Cmon, live your life!

The burning comes AFTER you die, nimrod.

Well, unless you don't use condoms, then you might find yourself with some other kind of burning.

Funneling a whole bottle of wine down her throat would induce alcohol poisoning.
And Thunderbird? Ick. You'd be better off using that stuff for weed-killer than drinking it.

Nonsense. It's not that much alcohol. It'd just give her a mighty nasty hangover.

[Susie]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

Back on topic....
I am really excited about meeting the man of my dreams and marring him.
But, I am scared of loosing my virginity. I'm scared of the pain and the pain of pregnancy. I want to make soldiers for Jesus and fulfill my female role. I want to know if any of my True Christian Sisters had these fears as well. Is there an easy way of overcoming them?

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

I am really excited about meeting the man of my dreams and marring him.

Indeed, I believe Madam Lumpy was too.

But, I am scared of loosing my virginity. I'm scared of the pain and the pain of pregnancy. I want to make soldiers for Jesus and fulfill my female role. I want to know if any of my True Christian Sisters had these fears as well. Is there an easy way of overcoming them?

[A word to the Men of LBC: you may wish to avert your eyes away the following, as I go into detail regarding women's "business". May GOD forgive me.]

My dear, I shall pray your deflowering is a much less painful affair than mine; there was no blood, but I was rather uncomfortable when I next did 'number two's', as the Americans say. In fact, that strange sensation continued throughout my married life, until Mr. Rogers went Home to Jesus. The LORD never blessed us with children, so I have no advice for you with regards to pregnancy; I can only pray for you, and I most certainly will.

[Miss Maisie]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

Most women know within a margin of a few days when their period will start. Just don't schedule your wedding for the same week she's most likely to start. For example, if she tends to have her period during the first week of the month, schedule the wedding for a day in the third week of the month.

If you want to maximize the chances of her getting pregnant on your weddign night, have her track her periods for several months before the wedding, and schedule the wedding for the middle of the interval between periods, when she is most likely to be ovulating.

And menstruating women don't bleed anywhere near as profusely as you seem to imagine.

Having sex with a woman during her period will not result in a retarded baby - in fact, it won't result in a baby at all, since the egg is discharged at the start of her period, and the endometrium is being discharged as well. No egg, no endometrium - no pregnancy.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

[ATTACH]5213[/ATTACH]

From what I can tell, most of the folks at Landover slept through Bology 101.

[Miss Maisie]

Re: "First Night" Advice* *Adults Only!

From what I can tell, most of the folks at Landover slept through Bology 101.

Honey, all that science talk ain't necessary or interesting. This is a Christian forum, why on Earth would we give any credence to science that ain't Christian science?

If I recall, the advice asked was what to do, plan or expect. Not a lecture on the inner workings of a woman's hoo-hah. That ain't very ladylike of you.