[Chastity Goodbody]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

Oh, Canada.

What can be said about a country so cowardly they can't even get the Frenchmen living among them to surrender? Do they even fight?

I will never forgive Canada for ruining the manly image of lumberjacks by being a bunch of limp-wristed Sodomites who hug trees instead of cutting them down, yet still wear boots, plaid flannel shirts and blue jeans. With all those uncut forests, no wonder the beavers are running amok and chewing everything up!

I think those stockings they wear on their heads must cut off the blood flow, because they keep electing Canadians to run their prissy little country instead of someone more qualified, like a good, strong American man who honors God's Word, drinks proper American beer, carries a gun wherever he goes, isn't afraid to cut down trees or beat up Frenchmen, and knows how to handle a beaver.

Maybe if they're lucky, America will repent of the wickedness which currently possess it, sell Obama off to a plantation where he belongs and elect a real president who will send in troops to liberate Canada (they won't fight anyway), teach those smelly Frenchmen how to speak proper English, ship truckloads of guns to the schools to protect the children and fuel American factories and fireplaces with all those virgin forests in need of deflowering.

Have hope, Oh Canada. America is preying for you!

[Didymus Much]

Re: Why God Hates Canada



Obviously, the meme-maker is too young to remember Celine Dion, but if you think we have anything to apologize for, let me just say:


Honey Boo-boo. There HAS to be something in the Geneva Conventions about that!

[Catherine Moore]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

You're right of course, Mary - Psalm 37:30

My apologies for forcing you to remind me of that, and please them on to Larni next you speak with him.

I shall pray for guidance that I might understand what I need to do so that the Lord might compel fathers to match me up with their sons.

Proverbs 27:15 may be relevant here, I'm ashamed to say.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

Thats an odd reading. Genesis 24 - the longest chapter in the bible - is about Abraham looking for a wife for Isaac.

Why would God have spent so much time describing it if it was going to be an exception? I can't find a single piece of scripture suggesting that fathers find husbands for their daughters but in addition to Genesis 24, Proverbs 18:22 talks about finding a wife and even if we take Adam and Eve we see that Adam's Father made a wife for him - the intent was clearly to find a wife for Adam not a husband for Eve as Eve didn't even exist at that point.

Are you sure you're correct here? It really does seem like its not my father's job.

Dear, I say this in Christian Love - you're wrong to question the wisdom of a True Christian™ such as Brother Larni. Suffice it to say, you need a husband for guidance and protection as the Good LORD has commanded (Ephesians 5:22). Until that time, you would obviously be under the authority of your father as is right (Exodus 20:12). The question I would have, 'twere I you, is "Where am I rejecting God in my life such that He has not blessed me with a True Christian™ husband yet?"

[Catherine Moore]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

Thats an odd reading. Genesis 24 - the longest chapter in the bible - is about Abraham looking for a wife for Isaac.

Why would God have spent so much time describing it if it was going to be an exception? I can't find a single piece of scripture suggesting that fathers find husbands for their daughters but in addition to Genesis 24, Proverbs 18:22 talks about finding a wife and even if we take Adam and Eve we see that Adam's Father made a wife for him - the intent was clearly to find a wife for Adam not a husband for Eve as Eve didn't even exist at that point.

Are you sure you're correct here? It really does seem like its not my father's job.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

I really need to find me a husband so I stop making such ridiculous mistakes.

You don't find yourself a husband: your dad decides who gets you, your husband to be pays for you

Exodus 22:17 If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.

[Catherine Moore]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

Funny, I always thought Canada was part of the US. I really need to find me a husband so I stop making such ridiculous mistakes.

Thanks to the True Christians here for inadvertantly pointing out my error

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Um, the Canadians are just fine, thanks, I have one as a penpal and he's a really nice guy.
And he's Christian, knows I'm atheist, and treats me just fine. He wasn't shocked when I told him, he said "Oh, alright then" and that was the last time I brought up the topic.

Seriously, though, there's nothing demonic about Canadians: they are an American-like demographic who just mind their own business.

Isn't penpal short for penis pal?

YIC
Posted via Mobile Device

[Roberta]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

Let's not be totally unfair. In spite of all the hinky dinky parley vooing and mary worshiping, I rarely see either a sombrero or a dashiki in la belle province.

Could it be the weather?

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

Um, the Canadians are just fine, thanks, I have one as a penpal and he's a really nice guy.
And he's Christian, knows I'm atheist, and treats me just fine. He wasn't shocked when I told him, he said "Oh, alright then" and that was the last time I brought up the topic.

Seriously, though, there's nothing demonic about Canadians: they are an American-like demographic who just mind their own business.

Some "friend" this nanook fellow is. He doesn't care if you burn or not? He didn't tell you the good news about Jesus' temporary sacrifice and His conditional love?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

Um, the Canadians are just fine, thanks, I have one as a penpal and he's a really nice guy.
And he's Christian, knows I'm atheist, and treats me just fine.

Then he's not a True Christian(tm).

"Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the Son. If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds" -- 2 John 1:9-11

[RoryReloaded]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

Um, the Canadians are just fine, thanks, I have one as a penpal and he's a really nice guy.
And he's Christian, knows I'm atheist, and treats me just fine. He wasn't shocked when I told him, he said "Oh, alright then" and that was the last time I brought up the topic.

Seriously, though, there's nothing demonic about Canadians: they are an American-like demographic who just mind their own business.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

Is it the 11 months of eating blubber in a frozen wasteland or the chemicals from fracting that makes these eskimoes so ornery?

[Didymus Much]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

pastor ezikiel...you can suck ma big ol athiest dick...

Don't make promises you're not willing to keep. Just sayin'.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Why God Hates Canada

pastor ezikiel you are a good for nothing cooter face with no consideration for anything at all you stupid little piffle i will piffle come to you stupid ass little church in you stupid little town and piss on your stupid piffleing jesus statue and america is the most discusting little pathetic scum bag country in the world and i hope you know what a putred little cooter you are you can suck ma big ol athiest dick

Dear Godmocking Maggot;

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule of worshiping satan and spreading your legs for anyone with a dollar to post this hateful message. The Holy Bible tells us that we are actually Blessed by your persecution! Thanks for proving that we're right.

Matthew 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
5:12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Enjoy hell. I know that Jesus and I can't wait to watch you burn in hell for all eternity. Oh, how we'll laugh at you as you scream in agony! Shout Glory!!

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel