[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

What a coincidence! I'm in Sydney too!

Today at 4:30, the World Youth Day Opening Mass will be celebrated by Cardinal George Pell at Barangaroo (a locality entirely within Sydney).

If I see you, I'm going to wave and yell to all of you LBCers, "DON'T YOU WISH YOU WERE CATHOLIC TOO?"

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

What a coincidence! I'm in Sydney too!

Today at 4:30, the World Youth Day Opening Mass will be celebrated by Cardinal George Pell at Barangaroo (a locality entirely within Sydney).

If I see you, I'm going to wave and yell to all of you LBCers, "DON'T YOU WISH YOU WERE CATHOLIC TOO?"

No Father Martin, we TRUE Christians don't cruise for dates like that.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Brother WO, you can still meet up with them in Sydney as they will be there for a couple more days, or you can head for Melbourne and meet up with them and the pastors and high-level tithers if you'd like.

Right. I'm in Alice Springs right now. I suspect the cabby is pulling my leg. Well, no extra seashell for a tip then.

<takes bullhorn>
RIGHT, TURN RIGHT WE'RE HEADING FOR MELBOURNE. CLICK CLICK.
</bullhorn>.
I think he understood. Melbourne it is Sister.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

I finally arrived in Melbourne. Where is everybody? Sister M&M?

1 Samuel 9:20
And as for thine asses that were lost three days ago, set not thy mind on them; for they are found. And on whom is all the desire of Israel? Is it not on thee, and on all thy father's house?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

I finally arrived in Melbourne. Where is everybody? Sister M&M?

Gracious! I didn't know you would have so much trouble making your way around some tiny jungle island! The missionaries have already left Melbourne and should be on their way to either Salzburg or Adelaide. The U.S. Embassy will know for sure, so you can give them a call, or try prayer as that has a 100% success rate. Maybe the Lord has another plan for you while you're stuck on that island backwater! That would be glorious indeed!

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Hey Brother! Where are you now? I caught the train south to Australia and i'm here now. Everbody is speaking gibberish and i can't understand anybody. What in tarnation does "trunkenbold narrenener" mean anyway?
I haven't seen one single kangaroo either!
Do you have a mobile phone? I'll try to call you.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Hey Brother! Where are you now? I caught the train south to Australia and i'm here now. Everbody is speaking gibberish and i can't understand anybody. What in tarnation does "trunkenbold narrenener" mean anyway?
I haven't seen one single kangaroo either!
Do you have a mobile phone? I'll try to call you.

Brother Mayfield! Um, you may have made the same mistake I have. Do the people over there wear funny hats, wear lederhosen, and make funny noises with their voices?

If so you might not be in Australia. Have you seen my itinerary on the previous page?

My mobile doesn't work here for some reason, and I'm now on my way to Adelaide (I have blisters from polishing the seashells). I'm typing this at an internet café (filled with sinners) so I might not be near a computer in the next few hours (or however long this cab ride is going to take).

1 Kings 19:4
But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Mostly the just jabber away at me. I guess they're the aborigines. They aren't black though. I don't see any crocodiles either, although somebody was trying to sell me these horrid looking gay shoes!
Here's a pic:

[Nobar King]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Brother W-O, I hope you have been cautious when picking your shells. There are poisonous snakes and insects in Australia (and scorpions, too):




It would be terrible for you to be poisoned over there. Who knows if there is even a doctor around if you are able to find a hospital? Please be careful.

Sincerely,

NK

[Frank the Tank]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Praise God that the Landover Baptist Church has finally decided to convert Australia.
I am willing to help in anyway I can. Whilst I am only new to this site and am hoping to be converted into the fold. I will do whatever is needed of me by the Lord God almighty and the Landover Baptist Church.

[Amenthesoutherncross]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

So after reading through all your illiterate biblical rubbish i came to a conclusion.

1, You can't spell Australia
2, You think Tasmania is New Zealand
3, We named our city after the proven theory of evolution (It's how humans came into being)
4, Long live the southern cross
5, Australia #1
6, Jesus was killed... by the jews.... your savior got killed by jews. Nuff said.



BOOOM.

[jennabenna]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Praise Jesus!
It has been a lot of hard work the past four days but we all agreed this is a state of emergency, as the number of Australiens who have found salvation can be counted on one hand with fingers left over. With help from Australien President Ron Howard, we can now formally announce Landover Baptist Church's Mission to Australia. Fifteen True Christian™ missionaries are going to the darkest jungles of that Godforsaken land to spread the Gospel to a nation of unrepentant drunks and criminals!
Led by Brother Abner Jenkins, these fifteen brave souls will land via the church's private jet in the village of Sydney on July 15 at 8:20am local time, the day after 250,000 King James Bibles should arrive via container ship at the local pier. If you're concerned that all the Bibles will be stolen before the plane even lands, not to worry, the plan is to distribute the KJV1611s via the Australiens' natural tendency toward theft anyway, so if they get a day's head start, then that's an extra day for the Lord to work His miracles!
The missionaries plan to start proselytizing in Sydney's main square, Cook and Phillip Park at 2:00pm local time, and will spend at least five hours there the first day.
Over the next year, these dedicated men and their wives will travel the length and breadth of this jungle island to all the large villages, and even some of the smaller ones. The itinerary currently includes Melbourne, Adelaide, Vienna, Brisbane, Salzburg, Canberra and more. There is a village called Darwin that they will save for last, and should have enough saved Australien souls by then to help bolster their numbers and take down this bastion of EVILution. If all goes well, and with the Lord on their side it should, by the time they're done the plan is to have "Darwin" renamed to "Salvationville".
The biggest issue facing our stalwart team of missionaries is the question of Australien illiteracy. We're praying that most Kiwis (a nickname for Australiens) have at least some basic reading skills, but fortunately Brother Abner's wife, Sister Gladys Jenkins, was a teacher before she found Jesus (see, God does have a plan for us all). She will teach the young boys how to read, which leaves the men of the mission time to teach the adult men of Australia basic literacy.
1 Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
Normally the pastors waive this when it comes to dealing with unsaved trash, but because of the sheer size of this project, they feel it's important to show the Australiens proper Godly gender roles from the very beginning.
With the Lord's blessing, we should have enough Australiens saved, particularly enough higher-end tithers, that Landover Baptist Church should be able to start building our very first southern hemisphere franchise by 2010! PRAISE!
Please join me in praying for the unqualified success of this most blessed of expeditions! Hallelujah! Amen!

First, You spelled Australian wrong.
Second, Kiwi is a nickname for New Zealanders, NOT Australians.
Third, Australians read and write and speak just as well as the rest of the world.
Fourth, Almost every creature on the continent of Australia proves evolutionary theory. They evolved isolated from the rest of the world, they evolved differently. Do you understand that?
Fifth, Australia has better things to do than fighting off a bunch of religiously crazed, misguided missionaries. They should be focusing on repopulating the endangered and incredibly necessary Phytoplankton. Also, they should be giving rights to aborigines.
Sixth, I've seen the badges that people have from this trip, and would someone PLEASE explain to me why there's a Giant Panda depicted on it? Pandas don't live in Australia. They live in Asia. The only Giant Pandas to be found in Australia are found in the Adelaide Zoo.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

First, You spelled Australian wrong.
Second, Kiwi is a nickname for New Zealanders, NOT Australians.
Third, Australians read and write and speak just as well as the rest of the world.
Fourth, Almost every creature on the continent of Australia proves evolutionary theory. They evolved isolated from the rest of the world, they evolved differently. Do you understand that?
Fifth, Australia has better things to do than fighting off a bunch of religiously crazed, misguided missionaries. They should be focusing on repopulating the endangered and incredibly necessary Phytoplankton. Also, they should be giving rights to aborigines.
Sixth, I've seen the badges that people have from this trip, and would someone PLEASE explain to me why there's a Giant Panda depicted on it? Pandas don't live in Australia. They live in Asia. The only Giant Pandas to be found in Australia are found in the Adelaide Zoo.

I tell you what, we all know you negresses can sing like songbirds. That Josephine Baker had a pretty voice. Would you sing a song for us and record it? Maybe something like the Camptown Ladies, but the final choice is yours.

[jennabenna]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

First, You spelled Australian wrong.
Second, Kiwi is a nickname for New Zealanders, NOT Australians.
Third, Australians read and write and speak just as well as the rest of the world.
Fourth, Almost every creature on the continent of Australia proves evolutionary theory. They evolved isolated from the rest of the world, they evolved differently. Do you understand that?
Fifth, Australia has better things to do than fighting off a bunch of religiously crazed, misguided missionaries. They should be focusing on repopulating the endangered and incredibly necessary Phytoplankton. Also, they should be giving rights to aborigines.
Sixth, I've seen the badges that people have from this trip, and would someone PLEASE explain to me why there's a Giant Panda depicted on it? Pandas don't live in Australia. They live in Asia. The only Giant Pandas to be found in Australia are found in the Adelaide Zoo.

Huh. I just got an infraction with this post for being a nappy-headed french harlot who's trying to convert your children to paganism. (Gasp! Not the children!). I"d like to point some things out that are wrong with that as well.
1. I was born in the indomitably crappy state of Nebraska.
2. As long as you're not hateful bigots, I'll let you be whatever religion you want to be. Unfortunately, you people are hateful bigots.
3. My hair is far from nappy. I take great care in preventing it from becoming so. I'd appreciate it if you would refrain from using outmoded terms to demean me for being black. I can take a pride in my heritage that yours will never deserve. My people fight for our freedom, and we always win eventually. You were born into a society that loves you for your colour, religion, parentage, even your gender. I'd pity your ignorance, but you don't deserve it. You disgust me, you muets baise gras.
4. I am not, nor have I ever been, a harlot.
Thank you for listening. Or not listening. I honestly don't care.

[Samuel Coleridge]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Huh. I just got an infraction with this post for being a nappy-headed french harlot who's trying to convert your children to paganism. (Gasp! Not the children!). I"d like to point some things out that are wrong with that as well.

I apologize for them.

1. I was born in the indomitably crappy state of Nebraska.

That must have been truly horrible in the extremely white state of Nebraska. Now you are in France, are you not? Why did your family leave?

2. As long as you're not hateful bigots, I'll let you be whatever religion you want to be. Unfortunately, you people are hateful bigots.

Indeed they are, but if you can put up with them and earn your place, they will tolerate you.

3. My hair is far from nappy. I take great care in preventing it from becoming so. I'd appreciate it if you would refrain from using outmoded terms to demean me for being black. I can take a pride in my heritage that yours will never deserve. My people fight for our freedom, and we always win eventually. You were born into a society that loves you for your colour, religion, parentage, even your gender. I'd pity your ignorance, but you don't deserve it. You disgust me, you muets baise gras.

That rebuke is well deserved. It is so nice when a young lady can articulate such a well thought out position. These Landovarians sometimes forget this.

4. I am not, nor have I ever been, a harlot.
Thank you for listening. Or not listening. I honestly don't care.

Some of us are listening.