I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

[Felicity]

As I don't have a husband I always thought I can not get pregnant.

But now a stork has been building a nest on our house. Does this mean I will get a baby?

[James Dewitt]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

As I don't have a husband I always thought I can not get pregnant.

But now a stork has been building a nest on our house. Does this mean I will get a baby?

My Dearest Felicity,. I know you are a good girl, but has your mom and dad (MOM ) ever had the talk with you? There are only three ways for a woman to become preggers.
1 God
2 having sex with a man.
3 sitting on a toilet seat that a homersexural man has sat on.

1A God has only gotten one woman preagant, that was the mother of Jesus, Mary( NOTICE Jesus is first ya damn Catliks).

2B Are you still pure?

3C Do you have any Homersexural men in your home?


The answer to question 2B better be yes and 3B NO.

Do you understand what it means when us grown ups are talking about having sex?

Love Uncle James

[Nobar King]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

I hope it's a boy!

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

I hope it's a boy!

Let us hope our little Felicity does not write something like ''Dear Diary, Great news today, my own baby Jesus is on the way!''
There won't be one living messican left in town when her father reads it! Think I will go get me an order of Tacos to go, just in case, might be a long time until this is all sorted out..

[James Dewitt]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

Let us hope our little Felicity does not write something like ''Dear Diary, Great news today, my own baby Jesus is on the way!''
There won't be one living messican left in town when her father reads it! Think I will go get me an order of Tacos to go, just in case, might be a long time until this is all sorted out..

Oh crap, I best drive to Mama Vitia's, and stock up on empanadas.


I have not seen Rev Jim in a few days, coincidence?

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

Felicity, dear, now that you're growing up into a fine young lady, you really need to learn the facts of life. Now, maybe your daddy is going to get angry at me for telling you this, but I think it's high time you learned about where babies come from.

The first thing to understand, honey, is that babies don't actually come from storks. What really happens is when a husband and a wife love each other very much, they ask Jesus to bless them with a child. Then, depending on how much Jesus loves the married couple, He either blesses them with a son (He loves them a lot!!) or a daughter (He still loves them, but He thinks they could be tithing a little more or something). Finally, nine months later, a beautiful True Christian™ baby is born.

Now, since you're not married, you don't really need to be worrying about having babies yet. The Lord will bless you with one when you learn to love the husband your daddy picks out for you.

Now that I've answered your question, just keep on being a good girl and stop fretting about this. Just between us, the only people that worry about getting pregnant are sluts, and I know you aren't one of THOSE girls.

Hoping the Holy Spirit fills you and keeps you from worrying,

Sister Lycia

[Gabriel Reproba]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

The first thing to understand, honey, is that babies don't actually come from storks. What really happens is when a husband and a wife love each other very much, they ask Jesus to bless them with a child. Then, depending on how much Jesus loves the married couple, He either blesses them with a son (He loves them a lot!!) or a daughter (He still loves them, but He thinks they could be tithing a little more or something). Finally, nine months later, a beautiful True Christian™ baby is born.

Sister Lycia, I am always impressed at your ability to sum up the Lord's teachings so concisely. Have you been working on refining the National Evangelical Church Association-Approved abstinence-only education plan? I know that Sister Palin has endorsed this reproduction education plan for when she is elected President.

[HTannor]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

Why has nobody suggested shooting the stork?

[James Dewitt]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

Why has nobody suggested shooting the stork?

Not a bad idea. Of course the stork in question really does not bring babies, but could make a fine dinner. I wonder how they are if you deep fry them like a turkey? On a side note in Florida where I sometimes winter there are a lot of flamingos, last year I shot one on my next door neighbors lawn, it did not taste good, very dry and hard to chew.

[María Gálvez-Villalobos]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

Dear Felicity:

Like Mr. Dewitt have say before, there is only real ways for become preñant.
Seems me it you are like a good cristian girl and have maybe misundarstand the how of become preñant.

Read the advises Mr Dewitt's I think is best.

And for the storks, don't you worry, there's storks doing the nests a lot in my country all over except my little corner which is beautiful Alicante whit is lovely climate all the year round and the perfect place for the tourists go and have great vacationing any time whit great especial offers, but the storks no like this wonderful climate so much so the elsewhere do the nests. And whit storks everywhere all over the place all over the country, you no really think that spansih ladies all are having babies all the time!? NO! ¡Dios nos libre! So don't worry. Is myth this.

The stork+baby myth is a myth what is no true and is propogate for the bad cartoon makers like the Warner Bros and Bogs Bonny, so is no true.

Stork story was invent I'm no sure when but please ignore. Is for fools this myth.

Remember you the Escriptures for what fools are:


Proverbs 14:8The wisedome of the prudent is to vnderstand his way: but the folly of fooles is deceit.

So you can see the myths of fooles is no very wise for you follow this.

I hope my advises are useful for you sister Felicity. I think you're very innocent. Sorry for spoil this for you.

YIC, Mari. xx

[Captain James T. Kirk]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

It wasn't me!

[Didymus Much]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

...Love Uncle James

I'm hoping the missing comma was just an oversight, because it really changes the meaning here...you dawg

[James Dewitt]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

I'm hoping the missing comma was just an oversight, because it really changes the meaning here...you dawg

Get your mind out of the gutter. I could never think of Felicity in that way. Sure she is a pretty little thing, and God was very generous in creating her, but any thing more than the love of an uncle is out of the question. I am not a pervert. I leave that up to you and Joe- Freddie our resident perverts.

[Irishman]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

wow, this felicity sure is brain-dead, huh?

[Alphonse Alban]

Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant?

wow, this felicity sure is brain-dead, huh?

What is wrong with you? In what kind of sick world is aware but cautious pure young lady called brain-dead?