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  • #1

    Woman of the Year

    Landover's men, as you've probably seen, will be naming their man of the year shortly. I spoke with Father and also with my pastor. They both said it would be fine to recommend the same recognition of Landover's fine women. Obviously you will require the permission of your fathers or husbands to participate. I cannot vote, obviously, but those women that are True Christians and either reside in the gated community or approved Christian Pocket Communities throughout the US should support this chance to say, You Go Girl!
    1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
    Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
    Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
    Locations in 50 States and Canada
    !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
    Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
    Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Woman of the Year

    What's wrong with having a pie contest? With yours truly as an impartial True Christian(tm) judge!
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Woman of the Year

      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
      What's wrong with having a pie contest? With yours truly as an impartial True Christian™ judge!
      Pastor, I would love to have you wrap your lips around my pie and savor every bit of it. I fear, however, that this may create an awkward situation when my pie is in competition with that of Sister Daisy. Surely you can't handle both mine and hers, not in the same day. No, I think it is much better for us to compete in other ways, such as our rating on numbers of prayers answered, lowest need for discipline, and our humility and purity. That doesn't mean I can't give you a sample someday, with Daisy's permission of course!
      1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
      Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
      Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
      Locations in 50 States and Canada
      !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
      Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
      Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Woman of the Year

        Originally posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
        Pastor, I would love to have you wrap your lips around my pie and savor every bit of it. I fear, however, that this may create an awkward situation when my pie is in competition with that of Sister Daisy. Surely you can't handle both mine and hers, not in the same day. No, I think it is much better for us to compete in other ways, such as our rating on numbers of prayers answered, lowest need for discipline, and our humility and purity. That doesn't mean I can't give you a sample someday, with Daisy's permission of course!
        Naomi, I can tell you from my own experience that our Dearest Pastor can handle everything, even sampling two pies (or more) in one day. He is so great!
        God created fossils to test our faith.

        * * *

        My favorite LBC sermons:
        True Christians are Perfect!
        True Christian™ Love.
        Salvation™ made Easy!
        You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
        Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
        Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
         Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
        Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
        The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
        Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
        God HATES Rational Thinking!
        True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Woman of the Year

          Originally posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
          Pastor, I would love to have you wrap your lips around my pie and savor every bit of it. I fear, however, that this may create an awkward situation when my pie is in competition with that of Sister Daisy. Surely you can't handle both mine and hers, not in the same day. No, I think it is much better for us to compete in other ways, such as our rating on numbers of prayers answered, lowest need for discipline, and our humility and purity. That doesn't mean I can't give you a sample someday, with Daisy's permission of course!
          You wouldn't guess it from her girlish figure and feminine appearance but Sister Daisy has been known to sample a few pies as well!
          Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
          in 2016

          Comment

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