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  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78552
    #1

    THIS JUST IN: Jesus Struck Bill Clinton With a Heart Attack!

    Shout GLORY!!! Bill Clinton is near death, which means that Jesus is preparing a special place for him in the pits of hell. I hope everyone will join me in shouting out imprecatory prayers for him.

    Let us pray. Almighty God, today we pray imprecatory prayers from Psalm 109 against the enemies of Jesus. Specifically, please send the evil Bill Clinton to hellfire as soon as possible. God, do not remain silent, for wicked men surround us and tell lies about us. We bless them, but they curse us. Therefore find them guilty, not me. Let their days be few, and replace them with Godly people. Plunder their fields, and seize their assets. Cut off their descendants, and remember their sins, in Jesus’ name. Amen.”
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
    Tags: None
    • Ezekiel Bathfire
      Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
      Christ's Rottweiler
       
      • Jan 2008
      • 22849
      #2
      Re: THIS JUST IN: Jesus Struck Bill Clinton With a Heart Attack!

      Ha! He's not laughing now

      Click image for larger version Name: joke.jpg Views: 1 Size: 76.5 KB ID: 1909769

      I heard they stuck a stake into his heart - Nephew Zebulun, who has younger ears, says it was a 'stent'.

      (I wish these news readers would speak more clearly... it wasn't like that when i was young!)
      sigpic


      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

      Author of such illuminating essays as,
      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

        Comment

        • Esther Pounds
          Forum Member
          Forum Member
          • Feb 2010
          • 20
          #3
          Re: THIS JUST IN: Jesus Struck Bill Clinton With a Heart Attack!

          I will certainly say that prayer many times over. But why is it that God can't work efficiently? Why not strike Obama with some horrific medical issue as well?

          I have faith in our ever-loving God that he will one day bring an end to this democratic, demonic madness!

            Comment

            • Cranky Old Man
              Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
              You kids get off his lawn!
               
              • Jan 2010
              • 22355
              #4
              Re: THIS JUST IN: Jesus Struck Bill Clinton With a Heart Attack!

              Originally posted by Esther Pounds View Post
              God can't work efficiently?
              I am sure He will have His reasons.
              5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
              To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
              James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                Comment

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