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I ran across THIS article today. My suspicions have been confirmed . . . it WAS that Mr. DeKalb swinging from the Old Oak Tree! 
Poor Mr. DeKalb. Do you think he grew despondent over his lack of a relationship with Jesus, and decided to damn himself to Hell sooner rather than later?
I just don't understand why he didn't choose Life over the Lake of Fire!
Freehold, IA -- The body of local troublemaker Dwayne DeKalb was recovered by sheriff's deputies at 4:25 pm on March 28. Mr. DeKalb died in an apparent suicide, and was found hanging from a limb of the 200-year-old red oak for which the Old Oak Tree Bridge (formerly the Nigra Swing Bridge) is named.
"We received a call from some hysterical woman at a little before 3," Deputy Jack Davies said. "Said she thought it was a pie thief, but had white hands. And soft, white, womanly hands they were!"
When the deputies arrived at the scene, a small crowd had gathered, tossing rocks at the hooded corpse. "Why, we just thought it an early April Fool gag," neighbor Annie Jacoby said. "Looked like fake blood all over it, and 'sides, never in all my 93 years've I seen a WHITE person hanged on the Nigra Swing. Imagine our surprise when they cut him down, pulled the hood off . . . Goodness! A suicidal white liberal done beat 'n lynched hisself!"
Coroner Fred Wilkinson reports that Mr. DeKalb had been severely beaten about the head, stabbed seven times in the chest and four in the back, shot twice in the head and once in the groin, and hanged from the tree in full view of the bridge.
"It was clearly a suicide," reported Deputy Davies. "We're still searching downstream of the bridge, hoping to find a suicide note and the weapons he used on himself."
Anyone who may have witnessed any of Mr. DeKalb's self-abuse is urged to come forward and give a statement.
A memorial service for Mr. DeKalb will be held at the Old Oak Tree on Wednesday, April 2. At this time, his ashes will be scattered beneath the tree, just as many pie thieves before him. "We believe he'd have wanted it that way," commented Deputy Davies. "Surely he knew the symbolism of using the Old Oak Tree, and wanted to follow in the footsteps of those pie thieves he and other liberals favor."
"We received a call from some hysterical woman at a little before 3," Deputy Jack Davies said. "Said she thought it was a pie thief, but had white hands. And soft, white, womanly hands they were!"
When the deputies arrived at the scene, a small crowd had gathered, tossing rocks at the hooded corpse. "Why, we just thought it an early April Fool gag," neighbor Annie Jacoby said. "Looked like fake blood all over it, and 'sides, never in all my 93 years've I seen a WHITE person hanged on the Nigra Swing. Imagine our surprise when they cut him down, pulled the hood off . . . Goodness! A suicidal white liberal done beat 'n lynched hisself!"
Coroner Fred Wilkinson reports that Mr. DeKalb had been severely beaten about the head, stabbed seven times in the chest and four in the back, shot twice in the head and once in the groin, and hanged from the tree in full view of the bridge.
"It was clearly a suicide," reported Deputy Davies. "We're still searching downstream of the bridge, hoping to find a suicide note and the weapons he used on himself."
Anyone who may have witnessed any of Mr. DeKalb's self-abuse is urged to come forward and give a statement.
A memorial service for Mr. DeKalb will be held at the Old Oak Tree on Wednesday, April 2. At this time, his ashes will be scattered beneath the tree, just as many pie thieves before him. "We believe he'd have wanted it that way," commented Deputy Davies. "Surely he knew the symbolism of using the Old Oak Tree, and wanted to follow in the footsteps of those pie thieves he and other liberals favor."
I just don't understand why he didn't choose Life over the Lake of Fire!
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