EMBARRASSMENT IN THE CHAPEL

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

I am very disappointed! The new dedication design showing the word “ARISE” and The Cross has produced nothing but subversive giggling and has detracted from the serious business of Salvation.

The unintended message has been explained to me and I am now investigating why “Freethinker Designs of Des Moines” was ever contracted for this work.

In the meantime, the chapel is closed.

[Youth Minister Harry]

Re: EMBARRASSMENT IN THE CHAPEL

Well, I, for one, think it looks just right. It's like a tall Cross is standing firm to support the top of the sanctuary... Like Jesus Himself is pitching a tent for us. Praise God!

[James Hutchins]

Re: EMBARRASSMENT IN THE CHAPEL

I fully understand, Brother Bathfire. The giggling from the children followed by the howls of anguish as the Rod of Justice was being administered disrupted my personal contemplation of why God Loves me.

I am also a bit displeased at the starkness of the chapel. While I know a few on the decor committee are color blind, it needs some red velvet and golden embellishments befitting Jesus. I also think a few edifices to remind all of the seriousness of Christianity and how easily He can smote entire towns (perhaps a mural of a great flood or infestation of pestilence?)
I was at a little Church in West Virginia a few weeks ago and they had a life size 'Jesus on a Cross' and some sort of mechanism pumping the blood of local virgins so He bled and dripped continuously from the spikes in His Ankles and hands. Really quite magnificent and captivating.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: EMBARRASSMENT IN THE CHAPEL

I too find the place a bit sterile - and the spiral staircase (forget for the moment where it leads - is it the choir loft? - and where is the pipe organ) is right out of that post-modernist deconstructivist nitwit Frank Gehry's sketch book. Then there is all that glass - obviously borrowed from Philip Johnson because they couldn't think of anything else. There must be an IKEA nearby, as someone went shopping for the seating (or maybe the budget was running low as Helmut Jahn was so fond of saying) - and if I was a tither I would be more than a little upset. It all looks like a 21st Century Bolshevik union meeting hall.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: EMBARRASSMENT IN THE CHAPEL

I'm sure those horridly hard bench seats were commissioned by Pastor Zeke to prevent certain people from falling asleep during his marathon sermons.

[Des]

Re: EMBARRASSMENT IN THE CHAPEL

I'm sure those horridly hard bench seats were commissioned by Pastor Zeke to prevent certain people from falling asleep during his marathon sermons.

Oddly enough, those were the brainchild of Brother FM Fred, whose business savvy shines like a light of heaven. He had observed that fast food restaurants with uncomfortable chairs saw a faster table turnover rate as people finished their meals quickly, then departed to make room for other customers. Seeing how this could apply to delivering the Word to more people, he approached Pastor Zeke and pitched the idea, then even offered a closed bid to supply the pews himself.

And it worked! Donations were up 49% within the first month, reflecting an increase in Walk-In Salvation. The revolving doors that were added 6 months later weren't quite as helpful in bringing sinners to God, increasing donations a mere 2%. Just goes to show, you can't save every soul, no matter how fast you get them in and out.