October Brings Gnathology Specials

[BrotherLarry]

Is your horse important to you? You didn’t pay exorbitant prices for an animal just to let its dental health decline. Jesus will not appreciate the horses in His Armageddon Army having gnarly teeth.

October specials include exams, cleaning, and certain corrective services for almost 20 percent off normal prices.

And it’s not just horses! Bring your oxen, donkeys, and asses and receive gentle care unsurpassed in skill and quality. Appointments are necessary and spots fill quickly so don’t miss out.

Glorify God by giving your animals the gift of good oral service. Contact me today!

[Dana723]

Re: October Brings Gnathology Specials

I will speak to my husband about that. Our horse had horrible breath and refuses to eat some days. At first, I thought it was the quality of the hay given to him, but now I'm not so sure.



Also, do you do young boys? Our boys all need checkups but I refuse to pay those dentists. Usually my husband just yanks out nasty teeth with pliers but I would feel better if a man such as yourself took a look.

[Basilissa]

Re: October Brings Gnathology Specials

Also, do you do young boys? Our boys all need checkups but I refuse to pay those dentists. Usually my husband just yanks out nasty teeth with pliers but I would feel better if a man such as yourself took a look.

My dearest Dana, no offense, but you would not expect a True Christian™ man to unequally yoke himself with someone who is not a True Christian™? By touching your sons' mouths, my dearest Brother Larry could accidentally touch something unclean - that's not only gross, but it also goes against God's wishes!

2 Corinthians 6:14-17
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

Also - have you tried prayer? Since prayer of a true believer can move mountains, it can also easily clean, fill, or remove teeth!

Matthew 17:20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

[Isabella White]

Re: October Brings Gnathology Specials

Oh, there you are, dear, darling Great-Grandbaby Larry. Goodness, how I've missed you from when I was enjoying a late-summer escape to my cottage up in the Thousand Islands district. Whist there, I visited with a neighbor (Benjamin) from up the road, and he invited me to his ranch to see his horses. One of Benny's horses has had the sad misfortune of having a dental malocclusion or, as it's commonly known, "buck" teeth.

I've just chatted with Benny on the phone and I've mentioned your latest venture. He is quite interested in knowing if you deal with orthodontics, and if you can place braces on the teeth of the horse? Also, as he is very financially secure, but notoriously penny-pinching (he is a Joo, after all), he wondered if you have any information about an insurance plan for this?

Thanking you in advance, dear beloved Brother Larry,
Lovingly, Granny Isabella

[BrotherLarry]

Re: October Brings Gnathology Specials

Dearest Great Granny,

For the same reasons I can’t help Sister Dana, I doubt I can help your Joo friend. I assume that the horses are Jooish. If not I can handle malocclusions at a reasonable fee with no need for insurance. (The NY insurance commission is watching Dear).

I love you 💕❤️😘

[Dana723]

Re: October Brings Gnathology Specials

My dearest Dana, no offense, but you would not expect a True Christian™ man to unequally yoke himself with someone who is not a True Christian™? By touching your sons' mouths, my dearest Brother Larry could accidentally touch something unclean - that's not only gross, but it also goes against God's wishes!

2 Corinthians 6:14-17
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

Also - have you tried prayer? Since prayer of a true believer can move mountains, it can also easily clean, fill, or remove teeth!

Matthew 17:20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

Of course you are right. I shall have my husband punish me right away. Perhaps my prayers have not been as they should. While I'm recovering from my beating, I shall be sure to pray, pray, pray!

[BrotherLarry]

Re: October Brings Gnathology Specials

Only four appointments remain available for October's special on horse, donkey, and ass dentistry. Get your horse ready for the apocalypse, people! Jesus is COMING SOON. (Rev. 22:12)


The dates available are:


Oct 12, 15, 22, and 31. When you make your appointment, mention this email and get an additional 2% off your service. WOW!


Please note: This practice is in no way responsible for errors, overmedication, or the death of your animal. What happens is God's will, and I have no control over that. While rare, horses can become infected after dental services. You'll be given a handy pamphlet containing instructions for aftercare. I look forward to serving your precious darlings.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: October Brings Gnathology Specials

A neighbor of mine just had his ass broken by a Mexican ranch hand. It sure was a sight to see. Jose rode that ass bareback until he was sweaty and exhausted. However, at some point during the intense bucking, apparently it chomped down on the bit and cracked a tooth, and now it's having trouble eating. I told him to just shoot it, but my neighbor says it's the best ass he's ever had. Do you know any equine gnathologists in the Nebraska area that you would recommend?

[Basilissa]

Re: October Brings Gnathology Specials

I must be tired - I clicked on this link thinking that the thread title was "October Brings Gynecology Specials," and seeing that Brother Larry was the thread author, I was rather intrigued.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: October Brings Gnathology Specials

A neighbor of mine just had his ass broken by a Mexican ranch hand. It sure was a sight to see. Jose rode that ass bareback until he was sweaty and exhausted. However, at some point during the intense bucking, apparently it chomped down on the bit and cracked a tooth, and now it's having trouble eating. I told him to just shoot it, but my neighbor says it's the best ass he's ever had. Do you know any equine gnathologists in the Nebraska area that you would recommend?

Brother Dennis
I would gladly travel to take care of your neighbor’s ass. Just let me know.