Hello, Landover

[Randy Gukta]

Hello ladies and gentlemen,

My name is Randy and I've been struggling with my raw animal instincts but Jesus has finally stepped in and shown me the light. I had an out of body experience in which an angel of the lord told me I had it all wrong. This occurred after visiting your website. So I am hear to learn what it really means to follow the teachings of the Holy Bible

I've never really bought any of that evolution mumbo jumbo seeing that I am a cave man(i.e. Neanderthal). Yes, we still exist so scientist really need to stop categorizing us as some kinda monkey men. It's very insulting and bigoted. There is nothing in our oral tradition about any other people transforming into another kind of people. Clearly my ancestors royally pissed off Jesus at some time to account for our different appearance(similarly to how the negroids came about) and not some silly idea of evolution. And we did not get out competed to extinction by any cro-magnons or whatever ape men scientist claim are the precursor to modern humans.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Hello, Landover

Hmm.. Neanderthal eh? You're that "bigger, stronger, and usually dumber" kind of people aren't you?
Yes, I think so.

Well, the Holy KJV1611 Bible doesn't mention how you came about as clearly as it does with negros.
But I would reckon that you may be descendants of the Anakim and thus you have a drop of demon blood in your veins;
Which is giving you that twisted appearance and evil disposition.

You are right to come here and seek Salvation, if a negro can be Saved, so (probably) could you too. But don't try anything funny...
Cause we'll be watching you, demon boy.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello, Landover

Welcome to God's favorite forum, Randy. Please feel free to read through all the threads you can, and especially the Holy KJV1611 Bible. I assume a neanderthal can read?

I'm kind of curious, what kind of job does a neanderthal have? I hope you won't overlook your obligation to tithe. Click on the Paypal button at the bottom of this page for more details.

[SUV]

Re: Hello, Landover

"Gukta?" Really! You grieviously offend our DearLordJesus™ who likes nice sounding names like Jehosophat and Jeremiah and Deuteronomy!

Really, Mister! You better get yourself a nice Christian "makeover" before one of our Pastors comes along and kicks your silly Fundament - and it won't be "through the goalposts of Life," either!

[SUV]

Re: Hello, Landover

Uh-oh, I see Pastor Ezekiel's on the spot here already, no doubt directed here by JESUS.

You really better watch it now, Sirs!!!

[Randy Gukta]

Re: Hello, Landover

Hmm.. Neanderthal eh? You're that "bigger, stronger, and usually dumber" kind of people aren't you?
Yes, I think so.

Actually we're typically slightly shorter than the average American and have a larger cranial capacity. Yes, we are typically stronger having more dense muscle tissue, stronger bones, and tallywhackers that put negroids to shame (this obviously reflects the severity of our sin).

Well, the Holy KJV1611 Bible doesn't mention how you came about as clearly as it does with negros.
But I would reckon that you may be descendants of the Anakim and thus you have a drop of demon blood in your veins;
Which is giving you that twisted appearance and evil disposition.

We are a very ancient people deriving from the bloodline of the first son of Cain.

You are right to come here and seek Salvation, if a negro can be Saved, so (probably) could you too. But don't try anything funny...
Cause we'll be watching you, demon boy.

Sir, I am not a demon. No more demonic than a negroid or an oriental.

[Randy Gukta]

Re: Hello, Landover

Welcome to God's favorite forum, Randy. Please feel free to read through all the threads you can, and especially the Holy KJV1611 Bible. I assume a neanderthal can read?

Of course we can read. What kind of comment is that?

I'm kind of curious, what kind of job does a neanderthal have? I hope you won't overlook your obligation to tithe. Click on the Paypal button at the bottom of this page for more details.

We have the same capabilities of any other so-called "homo sapient" person. What kind of question is that? I happen to be a staff attorney for Microsoft.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello, Landover

We have the same capabilities of any other so-called "homo sapient" person. What kind of question is that? I happen to be a staff attorney for Microsoft.

That would make you a joo.

[Randy Gukta]

Re: Hello, Landover

That would make you a joo.

No, I'm a christian. The big nise is just a caveman thing. Notice it doesn't have the hideous hook formation common among the kikes. My eyes are wide and expressive unlike the sinister and plotting stare of a joo. I tip heavily when I go out to eat.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: Hello, Landover

You tip the godless whores who slap your food together to pay for their crack habit well? I would hope that your finances are in good order with the Lord -- I presume you've tithed recently?

[Randy Gukta]

Re: Hello, Landover

You tip the godless whores who slap your food together to pay for their crack habit well? I would hope that your finances are in good order with the Lord -- I presume you've tithed recently?

Actually, no. I have not tithed to your church. I've got a Ph.D in law. I graduated from Princeton. I pull in $172,000 a year. I don't have to take these rude comments from the likes of you. You people are worse than Geico. I guess l'll just have to take my tithing potential elsewhere.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Hello, Landover

Actually, no. I have not tithed to your church. I've got a Ph.D in law. I graduated from Princeton. I pull in $172,000 a year. I don't have to take these rude comments from the likes of you. You people are worse than Geico. I guess l'll just have to take my tithing potential elsewhere.

Where else? All other "churches" are of Satan and serve mammon rather than man. There are no others that follow the Lord's commandments as faithfully as Landover.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Hello, Landover

Actually, no. I have not tithed to your church. I've got a Ph.D in law. I graduated from Princeton. I pull in $172,000 a year. I don't have to take these rude comments from the likes of you. You people are worse than Geico. I guess l'll just have to take my tithing potential elsewhere.

You can feel free to take your money to another church, Randy, but why would you want to give money to False Christian "churches" who spread lies about Jesus and guide people directly into eternal Hellfire?

I suggest you stick with Landover, the ONLY church to offer Guaranteed Salvation, or your money back!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello, Landover

Actually, no. I have not tithed to your church. I've got a Ph.D in law. I graduated from Princeton. I pull in $172,000 a year. I don't have to take these rude comments from the likes of you. You people are worse than Geico. I guess l'll just have to take my tithing potential elsewhere.

Friend; If you're trying to impress Jesus, you are falling well short of the mark.

What use will your fancy Ph D's be when you are gulping scalding hot bile in hell? The joos who issued you that diploma will be spending eternity being anally assaulted by every demon in hell. Do you want to join them?

Since you raised the issue of money, I will discreetly offer THIS link for you to take a look at our various Tithing plans. I really shouldn't do this, because the information is for members only, but I'm afraid you couldn't really afford much more than bronze level, which barely places you ahead of the ex-negroes. I just want you to have realistic expectations....

Lastly, while you may believe yourself to be a Christian, it does not appear to me that Jesus has blessed you much. If you will click on the Paypal button at the bottom of this page, we can set you up with a robust Tithing schedule and get you firmly on the path to Guaranteed Salvation©. Please have your financial paperwork in order, including any 401k's, etc.

[Randy Gukta]

Re: Hello, Landover

Friend; If you're trying to impress Jesus, you are falling well short of the mark.

What use will your fancy Ph D's be when you are gulping scalding hot bile in hell? The joos who issued you that diploma will be spending eternity being anally assaulted by every demon in hell. Do you want to join them?

Since you raised the issue of money, I will discreetly offer THIS link for you to take a look at our various Tithing plans. I really shouldn't do this, because the information is for members only, but I'm afraid you couldn't really afford much more than bronze level, which barely places you ahead of the ex-negroes. I just want you to have realistic expectations....

Lastly, while you may believe yourself to be a Christian, it does not appear to me that Jesus has blessed you much. If you will click on the Paypal button at the bottom of this page, we can set you up with a robust Tithing schedule and get you firmly on the path to Guaranteed Salvation©. Please have your financial paperwork in order, including any 401k's, etc.

Pastor Ezekiel, it is you who could barely afford the bronze tithing plan, much less the parking lot tithing plan. Your congregation pays for your house, your clothes, and your cars. You, sir, can't afford anything: Your congregation as a whole can. You're no better than some negro welfare recipient living off the sweat and tears of honest hardworking productive members of society. I wouldn't be surprised if had a craving for watermelon every now and again.