Kids Say the Darndest Things

[Alan Swallows Waiting for Email Confirmation]

At my Mom's church last Sunday, they had all the kids up the front for "children's time" and the pastor was explaining how tithing was an act of worship.

At the end, the pastor said, "So when we collect the offering, it's a form of . . . ?"

And one girl called out, "Stealing!"

I had to chuckle to myself when she told me this. Kids say the darndest things when they're in that phase before they've had their thinking fully corrected by the rod (Prov 22:15) and Biblical instruction (Deut 6:6-9).

Anyone else got other examples?

[James Hutchins]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

I heard a good one a while back. I spend time looking over the children's Bible study class, often lending a hand to the young boys that are having a hard time of it. Any how, a few weeks back, I was sitting in my over stuffed chair in the corner of the room when Mr. Lempke asked "Why do we bow and pray?' The answer's had me in stitches
"So God cannot see that Janey is cross-eyed!"
"Because God likes to see we got a good haircut."
My favorite was: "So God can cleanly chop off the head of a sinner!"

[BibleReader2231]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

I remember watching Pastor Deacon Fred’s podcasts and there was this one question a little girl asked “Does Jesus watch me go poppy”. I chuckled and wished I could tell the little girl that he indeed does and if you touch the “no no area” with your bare hands you are SINNING.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

This happened one Sunday when I was still attending my former church in Midtown. I had taken my rightful place in the 2nd pew from the front and a couple with a 3 or 4 year old girl was directly in front of me. She was standing on the pew facing me (how unsanitary for the next user) when during a quiet moment in the service she said to her mother, while pointing at me, "Mommy I hate that man."


I was aghast, my mouth agape, when the woman seated beside me said, "Honey, we mustn't hate anything but sin." I felt a little vindicated but still it was a horrifying experience and I think some children are spawns of the devil. Especially the one on the elevator that calls me "faggot."


Perhaps it's best that I don't marry since I would summarily put out of the house any child who acted like that.

[Dana723]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

My 2nd oldest Mark was in Sunday School, when the teacher asked, "What lives in trees and eats nuts? It can be gray or brown and it has a long bushy tail. It chatters and squeaks."


No one was sure, but finally Mark answered, "It sounds like a squirrel, but the answer should be Jesus."

We made sure the teacher was fired since all answers should be Jesus

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

Kids can be so insolent. At the movie theater, while I was preaching about how God is almighty, a young boy asked me if God could beat Thanos.

As I don't have a Thanos in my Bible, I asked who he was. The kid told me: "I am sure that God cannot beat Thanos. What is God's superpower?"


"Well", I said, "He can move water enough to make all Earth flooded!"


He answered me "Thanos can destroy half the Universe with a snap"


I told him God can do that. God can do as He pleases.


"So God is a villain" the boy told me "because when He gets angry He destroys the world"


"No" I told Him "God only wants to restore balance, and make people understand they cannot sin"


"Classic villain" the boy told me. "Villains always want the greater good nowadays, but they do not care about destroying entire populations on their way"


I was getting more and more angry with this little annoying kid. So I told Him "God has written a book, has Thanos wrote anything? How are we supposed to follow Thanos and adore him, as we have to adore God"


"Thanos does not want adoration or submission. That, nevertheless, is also a characteristic from villains. They want people to adore them, obey them, are capricious, and frequently go in rage with their colleagues or employees. Vanishing them is frequent"


"So are you telling me, you little excuse for a boy, that God vanishing Satan from Heaven for something is also a thing that villains do so often?"


"Yes" the kid said, "and that often leads to the two villains (the leader and the fallen one) to start a villain war. They fight for the souls of the living creatures in their Universe, and demand to completely surrender to them and fight the other villain"


"Ok" I said "Enough of your imagination. You know, God and Satan are not always enemies. In fact, God is sending all the time souls to Satan so he can torture them for all the eternity"


"Wow" the kid said "At least Thanos only kills you. God sends you to His own enemy so He can torture for all the eternity"


"Yes" I said. At this time, I was hoping God to help me by sending a She-Bear, but that only seems to happen if the kid says something like "Go up thou bald head" - 2 Kings 2:23 - which this kid refused to repeat.


"Finally you have to admit God is more powerful than Thanos" I said with the best smile I could produce.


"Can be. At least He is more evil than Thanos!" the kid said. "But all of them can be erased by Captain Marvel in her best days!"


That was enough for me. The sole idea that God could be defeated by a woman was so irritating, that I had to end this.


"The fact is, kid, that Thanos and Captain Marvel do not exist. They were created by a group of men, put in books and movies, but they are not real. They exist so a group of men can become incredible rich while we are entertained by their stories"


"Fair enough" said the kid, with a vocabulary that exceeded his age by far. I was starting to think he was either a demon or a midget "Where can I find God?"


"In this book" I said, while extending a Bible "and for you it's free. Read it and be saved"


"Don't you see the irony" the kid said


"What?" was my final answer.


That kid is definitively going to Hell. And I definitively won the argument.

[Scoutman03]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

My 2nd oldest Mark was in Sunday School, when the teacher asked, "What lives in trees and eats nuts? It can be gray or brown and it has a long bushy tail. It chatters and squeaks."


No one was sure, but finally Mark answered, "It sounds like a squirrel, but the answer should be Jesus."

We made sure the teacher was fired since all answers should be Jesus

Can you seriously not see how stupid that sounds?
"What's for dinner?"
Jesus.
"What grows on trees?"
Jesus.
"What's your favorite animal?"
Jesus.


RIP to these kids since they wont be getting proper education from the sounds of it.

[Scoutman03]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

Kids can be so insolent. At the movie theater, while I was preaching about how God is almighty, a young boy asked me if God could beat Thanos.

As I don't have a Thanos in my Bible, I asked who he was. The kid told me: "I am sure that God cannot beat Thanos. What is God's superpower?"


"Well", I said, "He can move water enough to make all Earth flooded!"


He answered me "Thanos can destroy half the Universe with a snap"


I told him God can do that. God can do as He pleases.


"So God is a villain" the boy told me "because when He gets angry He destroys the world"


"No" I told Him "God only wants to restore balance, and make people understand they cannot sin"


"Classic villain" the boy told me. "Villains always want the greater good nowadays, but they do not care about destroying entire populations on their way"


I was getting more and more angry with this little annoying kid. So I told Him "God has written a book, has Thanos wrote anything? How are we supposed to follow Thanos and adore him, as we have to adore God"


"Thanos does not want adoration or submission. That, nevertheless, is also a characteristic from villains. They want people to adore them, obey them, are capricious, and frequently go in rage with their colleagues or employees. Vanishing them is frequent"


"So are you telling me, you little excuse for a boy, that God vanishing Satan from Heaven for something is also a thing that villains do so often?"


"Yes" the kid said, "and that often leads to the two villains (the leader and the fallen one) to start a villain war. They fight for the souls of the living creatures in their Universe, and demand to completely surrender to them and fight the other villain"


"Ok" I said "Enough of your imagination. You know, God and Satan are not always enemies. In fact, God is sending all the time souls to Satan so he can torture them for all the eternity"


"Wow" the kid said "At least Thanos only kills you. God sends you to His own enemy so He can torture for all the eternity"


"Yes" I said. At this time, I was hoping God to help me by sending a She-Bear, but that only seems to happen if the kid says something like "Go up thou bald head" - 2 Kings 2:23 - which this kid refused to repeat.


"Finally you have to admit God is more powerful than Thanos" I said with the best smile I could produce.


"Can be. At least He is more evil than Thanos!" the kid said. "But all of them can be erased by Captain Marvel in her best days!"


That was enough for me. The sole idea that God could be defeated by a woman was so irritating, that I had to end this.


"The fact is, kid, that Thanos and Captain Marvel do not exist. They were created by a group of men, put in books and movies, but they are not real. They exist so a group of men can become incredible rich while we are entertained by their stories"


"Fair enough" said the kid, with a vocabulary that exceeded his age by far. I was starting to think he was either a demon or a midget "Where can I find God?"


"In this book" I said, while extending a Bible "and for you it's free. Read it and be saved"


"Don't you see the irony" the kid said


"What?" was my final answer.


That kid is definitively going to Hell. And I definitively won the argument.

The kid was either making a joke, or was really young. Also, you mean to tell me, that you argued with a kid. From the kids point of view, God IS an enemy, like Thanos. You described God to be like Thanos. Thanos is a villain in Infinity war and Endgame (Both fantastic movies BTW. I personally think Thanos was in the right.) Just because a kid is smart, doesn't make him demon possessed. You didn't win. You just didn't want to hear him out.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

Thanos is a villain in Infinity war and Endgame (Both fantastic movies BTW. I personally think Thanos was in the right.)

Virgin I presume?

Also Thanos is a wuss. If God destroys something He goes all out: Isaiah 13:9 "Behold, the day of the Lord comes, cruel, with wrath and fierce anger, to make the land a desolation and to destroy its sinners from it." None of this liberal "kill 50%" nonsense.

[Dana723]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

Can you seriously not see how stupid that sounds?
"What's for dinner?"
Jesus.
"What grows on trees?"
Jesus.
"What's your favorite animal?"
Jesus.


RIP to these kids since they wont be getting proper education from the sounds of it.

Jesus is ALWAYS the answer. Perhaps you need to read your

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

The kid was either making a joke, or was really young. Also, you mean to tell me, that you argued with a kid. From the kids point of view, God IS an enemy, like Thanos. You described God to be like Thanos. Thanos is a villain in Infinity war and Endgame (Both fantastic movies BTW. I personally think Thanos was in the right.) Just because a kid is smart, doesn't make him demon possessed. You didn't win. You just didn't want to hear him out.

I have no idea what a Thanos is but God is an enemy of children? God is Jesus. Every educated child knows that! Are you now claiming that friends are enemies? That Christ's love is an enemy? Education is knowing that because Jesus is our friend, God is NOT an enemy.

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

During my times teaching Baptist Divinity in a school in Africa I read out Luke 21:32: "Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass away, till all be fulfilled,"



A small boy said "Mr Unfals, Jesus was wrong".


I wasn't exactly invited to teach these lessons at this school in the first place. The correctional actions I took for this boy's benefit actually saw my visa to Malawi revoked permanently.


Honestly, kids will say anything.

[BibleReader2231]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

Virgin I presume?

Also Thanos is a wuss. If God destroys something He goes all out: Isaiah 13:9 "Behold, the day of the Lord comes, cruel, with wrath and fierce anger, to make the land a desolation and to destroy its sinners from it." None of this liberal "kill 50%" nonsense.

Mister Cranky, pay ScoutRaper no mind. It is a male atheist who believes he’s a woman. He’s obviously delusional and it’s not worth it to get caught in his atheist trappings.

ScoutRaper if you’re reading this, how dare you attack sister Dana. She is an honest smart woman who can clean the kitchen in record time. Meanwhile, you PRETEND to be a woman which makes absolutely no sense. For you to be criticizing Christian intelligence is laughable to the extreme. Are you really an atheist? Or are you a secret Cathlick?

Also, Jesus is always the answer. I can attest. My uncle once applied to be on jeopardy and he always gave the answer Jesus (which is right) when he auditioned. They wouldn’t let him on the air obviously because he would’ve bankrupted the show. Uncle Chuck Mangione was a highly intelligent figure in my community before he got in a propane accident though.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

The kid was either making a joke, or was really young. Also, you mean to tell me, that you argued with a kid. ...Utter drivel removed and ignored.

All a big joke to you homosexualisters. An adult, tries to guide a young person to the right path and you think it was arguing? If a bridge is out, and a car speeding toward it full of babies, is that funny? Does the idea of a river full of bobbing babies make you guffaw? You really are a demented pervert.

Do you seriously think that trying to prevent the needless death of human beings who have not yet had the chance to repent for the life of sins their family has forced them to live by is a good thing?


Relly, what are you thinking? Do you hate the idea of eternal salvation so very much, is your own depraved life such a train wreck that you gain pleasure in seeing others suffer and be miserable like you just because you denounce His Glory?

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Kids Say the Darndest Things

I overheard this at a kids prayer event once (I was the supervising medical advisor): "Dear God, How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now?" Of course I reported Billy to the Pastor who took him aside and opened the boy's eyes, wide open. The shrieking, oh Glory!