[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I had a shirt similar to that made for myself a few years back after I started my "Touch Jesus, Not Yourself" program at my Church. It went over very well.

How exactly did these kids "touch Jesus"? You have some weird methods my friend. Why not stay with the proven method from the Holy Bible? They workd fine for my kids and my grand kids and we all love each other almost as much as we love Jesus.

Proverbs 13:24 "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

Proverbs 23:13-14 "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."

[False Christian Bigot]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

Having never committed the sin of Onan even once in my life, I will not be needing any of those shirts.

Lord knows I've had the chance, but I've never been tempted to engage in such a revolting, unnatural act.

Especially when Jesus is watching.

Why do you have an "Ex-Masturbator" badge up above your post, then? Did you decide to give them all to yourself in some sort of power trip?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

Why do you have an "Ex-Masturbator" badge up above your post, then? Did you decide to give them all to yourself in some sort of power trip?

In my case, it's an honorary title.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

As the good Pastor says, it's an honorary title referring to the fact that, while he himself has never committed the act of self-pollution, over three dozen people have done filthy things to themselves while thinking about him (thus making him an accessory to masturbation), and then given up and found Jesus. So although he's never touched himself, he is a relevant factor in the cases of nearly 40 ex-masturbators. I think we can all agree he deserves that award.

[Larry Lee]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

As the good Pastor says, it's an honorary title referring to the fact that, while he himself has never committed the act of self-pollution, over three dozen people have done filthy things to themselves while thinking about him (thus making him an accessory to masturbation), and then given up and found Jesus. So although he's never touched himself, he is a relevant factor in the cases of nearly 40 ex-masturbators. I think we can all agree he deserves that award.

All of those who have accessorized their Onanism with mental imagery involving our beloved Pastor Zeke need to apologize to him by PM. They should ask Pastor how they can ever hope to compensate him for the shame of his second-hand participation in their sin.

[amie-81]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I don't believe those negroes and their T-Shirts. I think they are lying. They still look like savage beasts from the jungle.

are you calling some of God's works- beasts? are you saying black people are not worthy of respect and being treated equal- like one of God's own children?

[amie-81]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

Dear Godmocking Queer;

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule of worshiping satan and being sodomized by strangers in public toilets to post this hateful message. The Holy Bible tells us that we are actually Blessed by your persecution! Thanks for proving that we're right.



Enjoy hell. I know that Jesus and I can't wait to watch you burn in hell for all eternity. Oh, how we'll laugh at you as you scream in agony! Shout Glory!!

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

funny...I thought Jesus said it would be His will that not one would perish....I thought HE would love for all of us to make it to heaven? (I know it won't happen but I do not think he would find JOY in seeing someone go to hell.) Do you really think he does?!

[Nobar King]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

You can look, but are you going to buy a shirt, or not?

[TrueJuggaloMaMa]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

are you calling some of God's works- beasts? are you saying black people are not worthy of respect and being treated equal- like one of God's own children?

Yes they are. They say black people were put on this earth to be our slave.

They believe unless you are just like them you are going to hell.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

Yes they are. They say black people were put on this earth to be our slave.

They believe unless you are just like them you are going to hell.

And your issue with that is what exactly?

We follow the Holy Word of God. If you don't like that, take it up with Him!

[TrueJuggaloMaMa]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

[QUOTE]

And your issue with that is what exactly?

I believe we are all equal. Race does not make you a bad person. Those who denounce thier race are wrong. I don't believe anyone was put on this earth to be a slave. Black or white man or woman. Or any other ethnic orgin.

We follow the Holy Word of God. If you don't like that, take it up with Him!

Hey, If you believe so then fine. But I have seen no propf in what you have shown me that Cannan was black.

Is this the post that got me this infraction
Dear TrueJuggaloMaMa,

You have received an infraction at The Landover Baptist Church Forums.

Reason: Being a Sassy-Mouthed Feminazi Bitch


Is it proper for a preacher to use this kind of language. Wow my preacher does not dare use language like that.

But thank you by the way. That word does not borther me as I say to others who call me that
"Thanks for noticing I work hard at it"

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I believe we are all equal. Race does not make you a bad person. Those who denounce thier race are wrong. I don't believe anyone was put on this earth to be a slave. Black or white man or woman. Or any other ethnic orgin.

Can you back that up with Scripture?

You might want to take a look at THIS thread on the Biblical origin of the races.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

I believe we are all equal.

I believe you are an idiot. Feel better now?

[TrueJuggaloMaMa]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

Can you back that up with Scripture?

You might want to take a look at THIS thread on the Biblical origin of the races.

Show me you proof first.

Cranky Old Man
You have the right to believe what you want.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Landover's Ex-Masturbator shirts are in!

Cranky Old Man You have the right to believe what you want.

I also believe you are heading straight for hell.

How little we care about your insults: Matthew 5:10 "Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Why you need to follow the entire Bible: 2 Timothy 3:16 "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness"

Why we must judge you to save your soul: Leviticus 19:15 "In righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbour." John 7:24 "Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment."

Why it is very important to avoid hell (you are heading straight for it at the moment): Mark 9:43 "And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched"

Being an idiot is not an excuse: Romans 1:21 "Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened."