Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > Focus on Family - Christian Parenting
Reload this Page Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN!
Focus on Family - Christian Parenting A place where parents can get good Godly advice on how to raise a family: how to properly administer corporal punishment, which movies to avoid, and more!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#21)
Old
self_abusing_sinner's Avatar
self_abusing_sinner self_abusing_sinner is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

Full of it Bleeding heart liebral Negroe Poster Hellbound Heathen Cathlick

 
Posts: 217
Join Date: Aug 2010
self_abusing_sinner is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-03-2010, 01:21 PM

Daughters are worthless? You're the first person to officially enter my 'absolute piece of shit' list. Why did Jesus give kindly instructions to women? Why did he speak kindly to the Samaritan woman at the well and not slap her? Why did he give over the care of his mother to his beloved disciple on the cross, if he did not care for women? Why do we never ever hear of Jesus or any of the disciples beating a woman, in ALL of the New Testament? Why does Jesus SAVE an adulterous woman from stoning, when you encourage BEATING her to have a son? Why do you follow the Old Testament when the True Light is found in the New Testament, and Jesus obviously did away with and improved on the laws in the Old Testament, for instance, he promoted forgiveness and repentance instead of execution by stoning to the adulterous woman?

I think you are everything Jesus tried to put an end to, maybe not entirely, but a goodly portion along the way. The way others here hanker to your words tells me you have brainwashed them with your presence, and allowed that to overshadow the words of the New Testament.

What sort of Judgment will you have at the hands of Jesus? If you tremble now, it won't be good. But, I'm sure you don't.

Take care, be well,

sas
Reply With Quote
(#22)
Old
James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart

True Christian™ Real American™ Christian Love Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian TC Bravery True Christian Provider™ award Platinum Tither Punched the most queers The Lord’s Witness Wound Mission to Australia One Year/1000 posts Jailed for JESUS Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Saved 1 Year Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas

 
Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-03-2010, 01:37 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by self_aware_sinner View Post
Daughters are worthless? You're the first person to officially enter my 'absolute piece of shit' list. Why did Jesus give kindly instructions to women? Why did he speak kindly to the Samaritan woman at the well and not slap her? Why did he give over the care of his mother to his beloved disciple on the cross, if he did not care for women? Why do we never ever hear of Jesus or any of the disciples beating a woman, in ALL of the New Testament? Why does Jesus SAVE an adulterous woman from stoning, when you encourage BEATING her to have a son? Why do you follow the Old Testament when the True Light is found in the New Testament, and Jesus obviously did away with and improved on the laws in the Old Testament, for instance, he promoted forgiveness and repentance instead of execution by stoning to the adulterous woman?

I think you are everything Jesus tried to put an end to, maybe not entirely, but a goodly portion along the way. The way others here hanker to your words tells me you have brainwashed them with your presence, and allowed that to overshadow the words of the New Testament.

What sort of Judgment will you have at the hands of Jesus? If you tremble now, it won't be good. But, I'm sure you don't.

Take care, be well,

sas
Lets just cut through the carp that you posted and get to the real problem. You seem to be missing the big picture, the Bible has two parts the Old and New testament. We just love you fluffy bunny Christians, you think the Bible is like a giant cafeteria where you can pick and choose what you want to follow. Oh I will just have desert today, no meat and potatoes for me. Jesus did not come here to scrap His fathers work, He came to inforce it!

Behold the wors from Jesus.
Matthew 5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
Matthew 5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
Matthew 5:19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.


Now go sit yourself down in a corner and repent!
Reply With Quote
(#23)
Old
Jo Freddie's Avatar
Jo Freddie Jo Freddie is offline
Unsaved trash
Hateful God mocking pirate
 

Hellbound Heathen Cancer on Society Full of it Caution - Poster is Crazy Nutjob Meatball Worshiper How dumb can you get? Pot Head

 
Posts: 6,335
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-03-2010, 09:23 PM

Couple of points.

Should sex be fun?
The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
Quote:
8. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece Of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did IT I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.
I'll take that as a yes then God.

Subordination of women
Ponderance of thy Balls
Quote:
For we shall praise thee in all our Might Oh Great Lord/Lordette that your sexless form shall provide inspiration and equality to Pastafarians across the land. For subordination of women and separation of roles is an abomination in your eye stalks.


Posted via Pasta

True Pastafarian™

May my Sauce be with you!
Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
The Loose Canon - HTML version
Loose Canon Fan Page
North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
I have been to The Volcano!

Reply With Quote
(#24)
Old
margenal's Avatar
margenal margenal is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
 
Posts: 31
Join Date: Aug 2010
margenal is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.margenal is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.margenal is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-08-2010, 06:45 PM

Hey sounds like the pastafari has answers for anything.. cool

So, dear cranky old man... Your wise wise words made me realising how far i went wrong in my beliefs in my whole life....
Once upon a time a french boy thinking about a carefree lifestyle and he has putted his eyes on a sain't words.... and he saw the truth...

He will act as a true man, loving caring and protecting his (incase) wife and children without any use of violenec, without anything he saw in this arcticle...

Because dear wise man... let me say a true man, a righteous person will never use violence for his means. Violence and intolerance are the brand of the weaks. I never consider a man beating his wife as strong, so then if she is pregnant this is the most despicable proof of a low being; All these words show hatred, frustration towards a failed life and most of all, the total absence of nobleness and greatness and don't hide behind words and verses! Don't dare because even facing your so called damnation i wont even change a word and belief...
Reply With Quote
(#25)
Old
BelieverInGod BelieverInGod is offline
Fourm Member
Forum Member

True Christian™ Heaven Bound True Christian Caucasian True Christian Homemaker True Christian Lady Christian Love 1st Year Bible College Real American™ The Lord’s Witness Wound Heaven Bound Cleanest Kitchen Best stoning bucket Mother of 2 boys or 5 girls Bronze Tither Best Pie One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College Mama Grizzly Persecuted The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Pro-Life Punched the most queers True Republican

 
Posts: 9,266
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: On my way to Paradise
BelieverInGod is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-08-2010, 07:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by margenal View Post
Hey sounds like the pastafari has answers for anything.. cool

So, dear cranky old man... Your wise wise words made me realising how far i went wrong in my beliefs in my whole life....
Once upon a time a french boy thinking about a carefree lifestyle and he has putted his eyes on a sain't words.... and he saw the truth...

He will act as a true man, loving caring and protecting his (incase) wife and children without any use of violenec, without anything he saw in this arcticle...

Because dear wise man... let me say a true man, a righteous person will never use violence for his means. Violence and intolerance are the brand of the weaks. I never consider a man beating his wife as strong, so then if she is pregnant this is the most despicable proof of a low being; All these words show hatred, frustration towards a failed life and most of all, the total absence of nobleness and greatness and don't hide behind words and verses! Don't dare because even facing your so called damnation i wont even change a word and belief...
As John Wayne once said, when words quit working it's time to raise a hand.


Drama queen
Reply With Quote
(#26)
Old
J1mM0rris0nRULEZ J1mM0rris0nRULEZ is offline
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
 
Posts: 10
Join Date: Aug 2010
J1mM0rris0nRULEZ is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-12-2010, 12:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by twocalmcows View Post
Before I rant: you people are wonderful and made my day! I laugh so hard at everyone of your twisted posts. Don't ever stop!!
First of all, I think you're a pedophile. Like for real. You are one creepy mother piffleer! And second you don't beat a pregnant woman with a stick, Maybe your mom did and that's why you came out so wacked. And third (even though there is so much to complain about) there is nothing wrong with a girl child being your first child. (Ill be back after I finish reading this article)
Oh god finally someone who has some common sense on here!!! Hahaha I was thinking exactly what you wrote word for word! I also think this guys a pedophile! Hahahahahahaha these people crack me up
Reply With Quote
(#27)
Old
Lisa H's Avatar
Lisa H Lisa H is offline
Proud to be Blonde, Beautiful, and Baptist
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS True Heterosexual™ Real American™ One Year/1000 posts A for Effort True Christian™ Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Ex-Gay Home Schooled True Christian Lady Friend of Jesus Ready for the Rapture Flat Earth

 
Posts: 5,070
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Walking on the Lord's path
Lisa H has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureLisa H has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureLisa H has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureLisa H has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureLisa H has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureLisa H has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureLisa H has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureLisa H has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureLisa H has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureLisa H has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureLisa H has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-12-2010, 12:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by J1mM0rris0nRULEZ View Post
Oh god finally someone who has some common sense on here!!! Hahaha I was thinking exactly what you wrote word for word! I also think this guys a pedophile! Hahahahahahaha these people crack me up
Your an expert in pedophile's. Is this because you are one.


Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
Reply With Quote
(#28)
Old
Rev. M. Rodimer's Avatar
Rev. M. Rodimer Rev. M. Rodimer is offline
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member

One Year/1000 posts Gunfest '07 True Christian™ Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager Long service medal, 3rd class Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Pastor of GOD Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Ex-Masturbator Ex-Masturbator 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Public Awareness Medal True Republican Eats the Most Pork Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Christian Love Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior

 
Posts: 13,992
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-12-2010, 05:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Felicity View Post
@Cranky Old Man You are so nice for sharing your wisdom with everyone! I wonder what nice husband my father is going to select for me when I turn 18.
Felicity, the age of consent in many states, including Iowa, is 16.

Why wait?
Quote:
Originally Posted by twocowclams View Post
And also don't leave town while your wife is giving birth! It hurts a lot so I hear and Im sure shed want someone to be there with her even if they are some creepy religiously confused freak.
Next you'll be saying it's not a good idea to hire a nanny, either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by J1mM0rris0nDR00LZ View Post
Oh god finally someone who has some common sense on here!!! Hahaha I was thinking exactly what you wrote word for word! I also think this guys a pedophile! Hahahahahahaha these people crack me up
Do you even know what pedophile means?


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
Reply With Quote
(#29)
Old
Brother Daniel's Avatar
Brother Daniel Brother Daniel is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member
 
Posts: 41
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Reading my King james bible
Brother Daniel is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-25-2010, 02:54 PM

I really want to thank you for this guide.

Now I can finaly try to make a child. I thought that just praying and hitting my wife was enough.


8 Reasons why God HATES BELGIUM
God: I am the LORD.
(Leviticus 19:11:12)



Reply With Quote
(#30)
Old
Annie1's Avatar
Annie1 Annie1 is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member

Protected by JESUS

 
Posts: 132
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Oak Ridge, TN
Annie1 has had a couple of people click the rep button.Annie1 has had a couple of people click the rep button.Annie1 has had a couple of people click the rep button.Annie1 has had a couple of people click the rep button.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-25-2010, 08:39 PM

Thank you for making this guide. I thought that babies were delivered by angels but it seems I was told wrong....
Reply With Quote
(#31)
Old
radulova radulova is offline
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
 
Posts: 4
Join Date: Aug 2010
radulova is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.radulova is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-29-2010, 01:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
You could not be more wrong. Sex is not supposed to be fun. It is something horrible we unfortunately have to endure to make children.

Sex being fun is an invention of satan to change women into whores and to lure both those women and the men they seduce into eternal damnation into the fires of hell.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
"A lifetime of wisdom freely given to all."


Getting rid of ugly girls (age 18-)
Provided you didn't solve the problem sooner, perhaps the girl didn't seem that ugly when she was younger or you just never paid any attention to her, there is an easy strategy to get rid of an ugly girl. Get her raped! Just let her watch 5 minutes of Disney television so she figures our how to dress like a whore. Then when she is dressed like a whore, just drop her at the nearest bar when it is very late and everyone is drunk and then wait until she gets raped. Depending on how ugly she is this might take several tries. After that, as explained in Deuteronomy 22:28-29, she will have to marry her rapist after which she will be her husband's problem. You will even get a nice sum of money for this. If she refuses to marry her rapist, just read Brother Percy's What can you do if your daughter refuses to marry her rapist. If the rapists refuses to marry her once he sobers up, just getting him drunk again and a trip to Las Vegas should be an easy fix.

[/COLOR]
Luring your daughter into being a whore?
isnt that what satan does, as you said?
Reply With Quote
(#32)
Old
Cranky Old Man's Avatar
Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
You kids get off his lawn!
 

True Christian™ Real American™ Christian Love Christian Love Platinum Tither Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Gunfest '09 Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound 1st Year Bible College Punched the most queers Public Awareness Medal Public Awareness Medal One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award True Christian Nerd Flat Earth The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Touched by Jesus Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Trump of GOD True Christian Artist God's chosen ones Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 5 Years Paula Deen Negro Support Group True Christian Hotrodder 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Life Crown of Incorruptibility 20,000 posts BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts GLORY Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire

 
Posts: 21,672
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-29-2010, 04:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by radulova View Post
Luring your daughter into being a whore? isnt that what satan does, as you said?
You do not seem to know what a whore is. Getting your daughter to marry a man has nothing to do with it.


CANCER is a state of mind! Time to stop ALL healthcare!!!
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
Reply With Quote
(#33)
Old
radulova radulova is offline
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
 
Posts: 4
Join Date: Aug 2010
radulova is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.radulova is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-30-2010, 12:42 PM

Yes, but it seems like you are encouraging people to let their daughters act like whores for some period of time inorder to get them married.

Sounds to me like its an act that satan would promote?
Reply With Quote
(#34)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus

 
Posts: 79,711
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-30-2010, 01:29 PM

Dear Radish;

Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
Reply With Quote
(#35)
Old
radulova radulova is offline
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
 
Posts: 4
Join Date: Aug 2010
radulova is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.radulova is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-30-2010, 05:07 PM

i am sorry if i have insulted anyone, that was not my intention.

I just discovered this site a couple of days ago and have been reading some threads. Ive especially read some of cranky old mans posts and found them to be intresting.

But i just had some trouble understanding the 2 specific parts i wrote about above, and just wanted him to explain, or make it clear how his suggestion wasnt the same as encouraging people to dress/act like whores.

I hope you understand that i am just curious and dont want to insult anyone.
Reply With Quote
(#36)
Old
Cranky Old Man's Avatar
Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
You kids get off his lawn!
 

True Christian™ Real American™ Christian Love Christian Love Platinum Tither Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Gunfest '09 Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound 1st Year Bible College Punched the most queers Public Awareness Medal Public Awareness Medal One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award True Christian Nerd Flat Earth The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Touched by Jesus Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Trump of GOD True Christian Artist God's chosen ones Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 5 Years Paula Deen Negro Support Group True Christian Hotrodder 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Life Crown of Incorruptibility 20,000 posts BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts GLORY Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire

 
Posts: 21,672
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-30-2010, 11:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by radulova View Post
Yes, but it seems like you are encouraging people to let their daughters act like whores for some period of time inorder to get them married.
Well, first of all one would only do this with a very ugly daughter. So usually this will not be needed. But if the daughter is very ugly you will have to take some serious action. And I assure you my approach is 100% Biblically sound. It might not be politically correct, but I could not care less about that. All that matters is God.


CANCER is a state of mind! Time to stop ALL healthcare!!!
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
Reply With Quote
(#37)
Old
radulova radulova is offline
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
 
Posts: 4
Join Date: Aug 2010
radulova is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.radulova is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 08-31-2010, 10:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
Well, first of all one would only do this with a very ugly daughter.
ok, so if ive got this right (correct me if im wrong) it is ok to go astray if you have no other option, and promote what for some might think of being a satanic act?

Can this be applied to other situations? if yes, then who is it that decides what satanic actions are ok, and in what circumstances?
Reply With Quote
(#38)
Old
Cranky Old Man's Avatar
Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
You kids get off his lawn!
 

True Christian™ Real American™ Christian Love Christian Love Platinum Tither Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Gunfest '09 Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound 1st Year Bible College Punched the most queers Public Awareness Medal Public Awareness Medal One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award True Christian Nerd Flat Earth The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Touched by Jesus Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Trump of GOD True Christian Artist God's chosen ones Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 5 Years Paula Deen Negro Support Group True Christian Hotrodder 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Life Crown of Incorruptibility 20,000 posts BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts GLORY Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire

 
Posts: 21,672
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 09-04-2010, 12:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by radulova View Post
Can this be applied to other situations? if yes, then who is it that decides what satanic actions are ok, and in what circumstances?
God does. But His Holy Bible contains very clear guidelines on these things.


CANCER is a state of mind! Time to stop ALL healthcare!!!
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
Reply With Quote
(#39)
Old
Jurre_666's Avatar
Jurre_666 Jurre_666 is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
 
Posts: 4
Join Date: Sep 2010
Jurre_666 is fearful, unbelieving, a liar, a whoremonger, and abominable. Has a place in the Lake of Fire secured.
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 09-13-2010, 06:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
Step #3: Have SEX!
This is the tricky part. Sex is an awful activity that has to be practiced exactly once for every child you want to make. It's a horrible despicable act that unfortunately has to be done to make the child. Details on sex can be found in Genesis 29:30 (about going into the women) and Leviticus 15:32 (about the seed you have to plant). Make sure you have sex at the proper moment during her "cycle". Don't even bother figuring out how that works, just ask your wife as she will know about this. Unfortunately, she is probably going to tell you about it even if you don't ask about it.
This is the only part I like, and it isn't awful.
But you can't mean this serious, this is one big joke!
Reply With Quote
(#40)
Old
Rev. M. Rodimer's Avatar
Rev. M. Rodimer Rev. M. Rodimer is offline
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member

One Year/1000 posts Gunfest '07 True Christian™ Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager Long service medal, 3rd class Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Pastor of GOD Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Ex-Masturbator Ex-Masturbator 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Public Awareness Medal True Republican Eats the Most Pork Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Christian Love Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior

 
Posts: 13,992
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! - 09-13-2010, 07:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jurre_666 View Post
This is the only part I like, and it isn't awful.
But you can't mean this serious, this is one big joke!
Making Christian Soldiers for the Lord is no joke, son. It's very serious business!


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
babies, child, marriage, parenting, pro-life

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2018 all rights reserved