[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

A few nights ago I had a really strange dream where he was begging me to shoot his gun but I couldn't stop eating donuts long enough. I wonder what that was all about!

My GOD, Sister, if you get one of those dream books you can find out! That's got to be covered in there!

Isn't it amazing that if we dream of JESUS and so does some God-Damned athian....the dream means exactly the same thing?

If you find out what your dream meant, please let us all know. I imagine that many of we Christian Ladies have this same sort of dream

[VictoryOS]

Re: Policing Freehold

Maybe I should ask one of the pastors...

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

I think I might venture a guess about the Donut thing. If they're SPRINKLES or Jellies, it's a good thing

If they're plain, then The Good Lord® is Angry with us and we're fixin' to be poop-out-of-luck the next day

[VictoryOS]

Re: Policing Freehold

You make a good point, SUV. However in my eyes, even if a donut doesn't have sprinkles or a delicious jelly filling, it's still a donut. Then again, I'm a sucker for donuts!

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Then again, I'm a sucker for donuts!

Who ain't, Sister Victory Over Sex - except maybe for some toofoo-Eating athian?

However, I wonder if seeing them in my dreams with all those sinfully bright-colored SPRINKLES all over them has got me a little agitated as of late. Particularly since your Husband Officer is also in these dreams and also, yes, Shooting off his Gun.

Now! I understand that Police Officers often "moonlight." I am wondering, would it be too much to ask of you to send that Darlin' hunk of Criminal Justice of yours over at the next full moon? (Why "moonlight" is necessary for the doing of odd jobs, I have no foggy clew.)

You see, I suspect the neighbors of having one of those condom-ent dispensing machines in their Home - quite possibly of the very type that Our Hero recently subdued in the Mens Room at the Donut Shop!

(I feel he should be awarded the "PatrolMan Mancuso" medal for for this. As you may have heard, Mancuso went undercover in a Mens Room at a Greyhound bus terminal [possibly while dressed as a ballerina] in an attempt to bring in a "suspicious character")

So if he would please just come over and check this out. He needs to come to my Home first, of course. I'm not Sure as to why - I'm just Sure. (I suppose it's a CHRISTIAN sort of thing.) And Sister, you do know that it is a Christian Virtue to Share. JESUS would be Almighty all-fired put-out if He knew that some of were not, now wouldn't He?

I've already taken the Liberty of assuming your assent and got in a few boxes of Refreshments - of the "Holey" type, one may even say

And since the Police have something of a reputation for beer-drinking, I have some of that, too. Oh, I'm Sure (yet again!) that your Husband does not indulge, so I sought to get the kind with no alkyhol. However I was in a bit of a hurry, so I might have grabbed a few packs of tallBoys that do have some alkyharlic content. PLEASE BE SURE TO INFORM HIM OF THIS. (We can always pour the other stuff down the drain).

Yams In Cream,

SUV

[VictoryOS]

Re: Policing Freehold

Why Sister SUV, I had no idea you were in such a predicament! Of course I will send my wonderful husband over right away. My True Christian virtues compel me to share the solid protection of his watchful eye. I hope the evening doesn't turn out to be too climactic for him, as he is terribly grumpy when he comes home tired. It is a penetrating presence he has though, and I'm sure you will feel safe while he's around.

Are you sure you don't need me to come along as well?

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

This is an Official Announcement from the FPD that I am re-posting here:

The FPD has received a number of complaints from female motorists saying they were unfairly detained, searched and "handled" during routine traffic stops. We take all complaints very seriously and stand by our pledge to swiftly investigate and punish any wrong doings on the part of our Officers of the Law.

Our thorough investigation into these allegations of "molestation" and "vigorous groping" have turned up no evidence that such "violations of personal dignity and human rights" have taken place. Our findings revealed that all reports of "indecent behavior" on the part of our Officers were filed by female motorists who had previously been fined for traffic violations and were likely acting out of spite.

We would like to remind the general public that security can never be too tight in a post 9/11 world and all searches of your vehicles, persons, and property are always conducted with the highest degree of concern for public safety.

The FPD prides itself on being one of the most professional and highly trained forces in the state of Iowa, and we will continue to serve our community with pride and valor.

And Sister SUV, I will of course be happy to come by tomorrow night and lend a hand around the house. Let me know if there are any special tools you want me to bring.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Why, Bless the both of you! Bless your pea-pickin' little hearts!!!

I shall have to ponder the questions you both asked of me until tomorrow. Right now it is time for my Beauty Rest

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT REGARDING MY SUSPENSION

As some of you probably already read in the local papers, I have been officially suspended for a week (with pay) for pepper-spraying a toddler who was throwing Cheerios from her stroller. One of them did hit me and I still say that it was assault on an Officer of the Law.

Anyway, the act was deemed a use of "unnecessary force" and the liberal Jewish-homo-enabling Freehold Times (our only liberal newspaper who was the only one to report the incident by the way) has made such a stink about the matter that the FPD has had no choice but to suspend me for a week (with pay), just to get the pinkos to shut up.

Ordinarily I'd be pretty mad about the whole thing, but who's gonna complain about a whole week of paid vacation? I love being a cop.

PS, if anybody wants to go fishing this week, count me in!

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

Well, I for one am outraged to see the public martyrdom of our brave Officer Richards over simply trying to keep a little law and order in our fair town. It's a crying shame that a respected, God-fearing Officer Of The Law like him has to be railroaded by a far-left, lieberal commie newspaper. Rest assured that I've already submitted my "letter to the editor" to the Freehold Times suggesting they might as well as change their name to Pravda!

I would like to point out that as soon as Officer Don was placed on paid leave, crime has skyrocketed here in Freehold. This evening I was in the CVS/Pharmacy on the corner of Main and Holt, when I saw a blatant crime taking place. I was standing in line behind some young woman who was clearly on some sort of drugs. Her eyes were glassy, she had the sniffles, and a powerful hacking cough. She was buying -- get this -- two large bottles of cold & cough syrup.

Now, I know there are "cooks" out there who make homemade speed and related drugs out of using these cough syrups. No doubt she was ready to go home and brew up another batch of dope. Well, I followed her on the way out of the story and I come across that rookie "cop", Kyle Borders who has been assigned Officer Don's beat for the time being.

I went up to "Officer" Kyle and had a conversation with him.
Me: "Officer, I would like to report a crime."
Borders: "Why? What happened?"
Me: "See that woman who is getting into that tan Mitsubishi Galant? She is trafficking and producing drugs."
Borders: "How do you know?"
Me: "Well, she just bought two bottles of cough syrup!"
Borders: "So?"

At this point, I started getting a bit hot under the collar since this lazy cop who doesn't care about public safety is giving me the run around.

Me: "So?!?! You know those speed cooks make their drugs out of cough syrup."
Borders: "Oh. How many did she get?"
Me: "Two."
Borders: "Oh, that's perfectly legal. Yes, illegal drug manufacturers use cough syrup in their concoctions. That is why the state of Iowa has mandated a limit on the amount of cough syrup someone can buy. She is free to buy two bottles."
Me: "So what? She's just being smart. She is getting the legal amount of cough syrup for drug purposes."
Borders: "I'm sorry, Reverend, there's really nothing I can do. She is protected by the law."

Can you believe this? Now dope makers are protected by the law!

Me: "Look, she's brewing up speed. I know it."
Borders: "How do you know?"
Me: "Because she has glassy eyes, a stuffed up nose, and is coughing like a seal."
[Officer Borders just stares at me blankly for a length of time.]
Borders: "Ever thought she is getting cough syrup because she has a cold?"

I had it with his smart-alecky behavior. I immediately scolded him for being a liberal drug-enabler and a disgrace to the police force. I also threatened to report him to his superior for being an accessory to illegal drug manufacturing.

See! This is what happens when you take Officer Don off the shift for a single day. Inept cops who look like they are fresh from the Police Academy movies sit idly by while dope makers run around freely.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Borders is a nincompoop. He's like that all the time, Rev. Jim. Always strolling around just observing, never acting on anything!

Of course he's never had to face real danger like I have. I think he's one of these guys that's all into "logic and reason." I am deeply suspicious that he actually has no religion at all.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

PS, if anybody wants to go fishing this week, count me in!

Me, too! If you have a really big worm. I don't want to be bothered with catching some stupid "crappies" or something like that.

I want a nice big Fish that can Feed the whole FAMILY®!!!

As far as that tiddler you mentioned... you were Right to pepper-spray the little deemon. LibberAL "permissiveness" now is sickening

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Hard to believe it's been a week already, but I am back on duty so all you bad guys out there better watch out. Officer Don W. Richards is on the scene.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

Glad to have you back! The whole town has gone to chaos since your departure. Jaywalking has skyrocketed, women walk around on the streets without their husbands accompanying them, and drivers seem to be taking more risks. Fortunately, you put the Enforcement in Law Enforcement.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Welcome back, Officer Richards.

One day, I'll be living in Freehold and you can be watching my back doing your duty. That will certainly feel good.