Damn Squirrels!

[James Hutchins]

When I moved on to the farm in '89, there were no squirrels. The missus put up bird feeders because she likes to look and listen to them. Well, I nipped that in the bud by increasing her chore load and shooting the birds. Well, over the years, the number of theses squirrels has increased, upsetting the dogs and making a mess on the lawn. So I got a .22 rifle with a scope a few days ago. I could of used the 30-06 but that would just make a mess. Now when I see them, I go upstairs, crack a window. POW. Right from the comfort of my bedroom. I've nailed close to a dozen in the last few days. I admit, I only winged a few, severing a leg and they limped off before I could reload (should of bought a repeater).
An added bonus is I am giving the carcasses to the field workers as their yearly bonus (savings and an write off expense - Whoo Hoo). Though I do want the pelts back to make hats from.

[Talitha]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

Squirrel are Vermin.
Nothing more than a Rat with a Feather Boa.
Obviously a Homo Rat

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

Squirrels are in league with Satan; agile bundles of claws and teeth intent on evil.

I doubt you’ll be old enough to remember Brother Perseverance Albright. It was in the summer of ’44, I went over to his place see his son, Endeavor.

I arrived there in time to see Brother Perseverance aiming his shotgun at a squirrel on the roof. He fired and unfortunately blasted through a power line. The loose end fell down sparking onto the barn. The roof caught fire and the dairy cattle in side obviously didn’t like it. Soon the thing was an inferno and the wind carried sparks to the house.

It had been a hot dry summer and the house was wooden, so that started to go up too. His wife, Euphemia, came running out, shouting and screaming amidst the stampeding cattle and generally playing the hysterical woman.

Brother Perseverance calmed her with a concussive blow to the head with the butt end of the shotgun. He then turned to address me, “So young Bathfire, what do you think the next move should be?”

“Call the Fire Department, sir?” I ventured.

“And that, young Bathfire, is why you’ll never amount to anything.” He pointed to the roof of the house. “This is what to do next.” and he shot the squirrel that was now at far end of the roof. “Never forget, Bathfire, my job was to come out here and shoot the squirrel, the rest is mere distraction.”

He then gave me a blow to the spine with the shotgun that caused me to hit the ground with the breathless, searing pain of cracked vertebrae but which lodged that lesson, for which I was grateful, in my brain for the rest of my life – "Get the job done."

[Talitha]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

Squirrels are in league with Satan; agile bundles of claws and teeth intent on evil.

I agree with you 100% Brother Bathfire.
However, if you, like me abide by the golden rule: "The only good Squirrel is a dead Squirrel" then you not only get a good meal but the makings of a new pair gloves

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

Squirrels are in league with Satan; agile bundles of claws and teeth intent on evil.

I doubt you’ll be old enough to remember Brother Perseverance Albright. It was in the summer of ’44, I went over to his place see his son, Endeavor.

I arrived there in time to see Brother Perseverance aiming his shotgun at a squirrel on the roof. He fired and unfortunately blasted through a power line. The loose end fell down sparking onto the barn. The roof caught fire and the dairy cattle in side obviously didn’t like it. Soon the thing was an inferno and the wind carried sparks to the house.

It had been a hot dry summer and the house was wooden, so that started to go up too. His wife, Euphemia, came running out, shouting and screaming amidst the stampeding cattle and generally playing the hysterical woman.

Brother Perseverance calmed her with a concussive blow to the head with the butt end of the shotgun. He then turned to address me, “So young Bathfire, what do you think the next move should be?”

“Call 911, sir?” I ventured.

“And that, young Bathfire, is why you’ll never amount to anything.” He pointed to the roof of the house. “This is what to do next.” and he shot the squirrel that was now at far end of the roof. “Never forget, Bathfire, my job was to come out here and shoot the squirrel, the rest is mere distraction.”

He then gave me a blow to the spine with the shotgun that caused me to hit the ground with the breathless, searing pain of cracked vertebrae but which lodged that lesson, for which I was grateful, in my brain for the rest of my life – "Get the job done."

That is powerful teaching Brother Backfire. Your story elegantly shows the difference between the SAVED(r) and the unsaved; The SAVED(r) aren't distracted by details.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

That puts me of a mind to recall one of my favorite stories that the late, great Rev. Jerry Falwell used to tell when I was a kid. He included it in his autobiography as well, at my urging.

...There were times that Dad's pranks bordered on cruelty. One of his oil-company workers, a one-legged man he nicknamed "Crip" Smith, complained about everything. Dad and Crip's co-workers got tired of the old man's bellyaching and decided to take revenge. One morning Crip called in sick and Dad volunteered to send by lunch to his grateful but suspicious employee. Dad and his chums caught Crip's old black tomcat, killed it, skinned it, and cooked it in the kitchen of one of Dad's little restaurants. They called it squirrel meat and delivered it to Crip on a linen-covered tray. When Crip returned to work the next morning, Dad and his co-conspirators asked him how he liked his meal. They knew he would complain even about a free home-cooked lunch, and when Crip called it "the toughest squirrel meat" he had ever eaten, they were glad to tell him why.

And people say that we Christians have no sense of humor!

[SUV]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

They had been bedeviling me as of late, also

My Solution© was to get them to spinning on the Christmas Eggnog fumes, causing the foul vermin to Attack one another

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

HELL Bound Squirrel

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

The ones that rush you in the park, loudly demanding food, are no better than homeless, derelict beggars.

.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

Wow! Who would have ever guessed that we would all completely agree on a subject?

Here's a little bugger I caught a couple of months ago shortly after moving to Iowa.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

Most squirrel fathers abandon the family, too...which is why the population is so out of control.

.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

Most squirrel fathers abandon the family, too...which is why the population is so out of control.

.

Good point Sister.

They also steal things that don't belong to them




They are also perverts. Here one attends a gay ceremony of some sort.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

Most squirrel fathers abandon the family, too...which is why the population is so out of control.

.

Sister, I never thought about it, but you're 100% right as usual. They do breed like Mexicans cockroaches.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

They also steal things that don't belong to them.

And after a good day's looting...lasciveous public acts.

Repellent.

.

[HTannor]

Re: Damn Squirrels!

Here's a photo of a neat field dressing technique I learned of.

The backstory is that I found this critter on my front porch steps. Obviously abandoned by its mother.

What you do is break off the tip of an eye dropper and then jam it into the creature's mouth. Applying just the right amount of suction one can pull out their brains and other internal organs.

What's left is ready for mounting and proudly displaying it in your game room.