Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

[Jenning]

Beloved people for God,

I am Pastor Jenning Uweye, the Senior Pastor, The Higher Life In Christ Ministry (THLICM).

I am happy to be a member of this great online Christian forum. I think it will be better for us to spend our online time here edifying ourselves and relating with other Christians around the world than been on some social networks, wasting your time.

Now, I am talking about ...spam deleted.

As a Christian, you know that doing the Lord's job is not free in the sense that, you pay for everything you do, and for every steps you take. If there is gonna be transportation, it has to be paid for, and so on.

...spam deleted.

You know why? You may not be able to come to Nigeria physically to preach the gospel, but your seed will take you there.

I leave you with this scripture, Psalm 35:27, and I ask you a scriptural question,

'Are you favoring (Sponsoring/Financing) the cause of the Gospel (Evangelism)'

...spam deleted.

God Bless You!

Amen!!!

[James Hutchins]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

Landover would love to help you. However, not much can be done with only $300. I'd like to offer $30,000 to kick start this program.
Please forward all your bank account information to Miss Cookie in the Church office. Include a copy of your passport, birth certificate, a photo of each of the women and children our money will help. Include a numbering system so members can make a selection.
Before we can send any funds, we will need a good faith deposit FedEx'd (cash only) to cover processing fees. Typically, 10% is needed ($3,000) but if it can be reduced, we will refund any overages.
Have a good Godly day!

[Born Again Bob]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

Dear Friend,

You may not be able to come to Nigeria physically to preach the gospel, but your seed will take you there.

Kindly refrain from discussion of my seed.

Yours in Him,
BAB

[Jenning]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

Hello Mr James Hutchins,

Firstly, thank you for your warm reply to my posts. What you offered to give is really more than enough, and will cause the work to spread beyond our expectations.

I was already scared that I will be attacked for posting what our Ministry is doing. Thanks for been reasoning with me.

But you asked for some information which are nice to be requested for, but our ministry is currently not in the united states, and we are just a young Ministry with the vision of taking the message of hope, the message of salvation to each corners of the habitable earth.

All our Pastors are university students, and we are paying this sacrifice to our Lord Jesus to evangelize every where around us, and every university campus in the nation Nigeria.

So right now, we may not have that kind of established structure to receive your favor, but we can get your contributions through the WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.

I think for now, this is the best way convenient to us to receive donations from our online friends.

Sir, thank you very much. Visit Our website.

I graciously expect your generous replies again.

Thanks!

[James Hutchins]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

I completely understand. If nothing Landover is all about compassion.
Once the insignificant $3,000 processing fee (which will be fully refunded of course in our meager gift to you) has been sent to the Landover Western Union and Bible Store on Deuteronomy Avenue in Landover, IA, we can get started. Please send the processing fee to "Pastor Ezekiel, Outreach Ministry Pastors General Fund".

[John North]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

'Are you favoring (Sponsoring/Financing) the cause of the Gospel (Evangelism)'

I ’m currently in the possession of 5 tons of codfish. I’m willing to donate this for the sake of you admirable cause. You should be able to make a nice profit out of it. If you like, I can provide you with the GPS coordinates so you know where to pick it up. Please answer promptly, I’m really eager to get rid of the fish.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

Time for Pastor Zeke's standard letter:

Dear Reverend Spearchucker.

Thank you for writing me today to admit your disgusting greed. I am sorry to tell you that Nigerians, commonly known as 'niggers', do not go to heaven. They are recycled to make tires and pave roads for white people.

Landover Baptist is the wealthiest church in the world. We are so rich we don't even use black paint. If you are trying to find an accomplice for your crooked deals, please call the Vatican. Do it soon before you die of the AIDS.

God hates you and so do we.
Pastor Ezekiel

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

Beloved people for God,

I am Pastor Jenning Uweye, the Senior Pastor, The Higher Life In Christ Ministry (THLICM).

My dear Brother in Christ -

My small congregation, Second Baptist Church of North Salem, would love to partner with you in a missionary outreach project. However, transferring funds from the United States to Nigeria can be rather expensive, when you take into account the reporting requirements the US government places on churches here.

It's like they don't want us to exist, really.

Anyway, we can gladly send you $300 for your mission work, if you can help us out with the $75 processing and accounting fee. You can send it by PayPal, if you like. Once we've received it, we can get that $300 to you by Western Union after we pay the $75 processing and accounting fee to the US government.

Please let me know if this arrangement is acceptable to you.

Oh, and my offer is not a part of Brother John North's generous codfish offer.

[Deaner]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

Hello Mr James Hutchins,

Firstly, thank you for your warm reply to my posts. What you offered to give is really more than enough, and will cause the work to spread beyond our expectations.

I was already scared that I will be attacked for posting what our Ministry is doing. Thanks for been reasoning with me.

But you asked for some information which are nice to be requested for, but our ministry is currently not in the united states, and we are just a young Ministry with the vision of taking the message of hope, the message of salvation to each corners of the habitable earth.

All our Pastors are university students, and we are paying this sacrifice to our Lord Jesus to evangelize every where around us, and every university campus in the nation Nigeria.

So right now, we may not have that kind of established structure to receive your favor, but we can get your contributions through the WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.

I think for now, this is the best way convenient to us to receive donations from our online friends.

Sir, thank you very much. Visit Our website.

I graciously expect your generous replies again.

Thanks!

If you're not a nigger with a bone in your nose I will up my donation to $60,000 to be delivered by private jet no later than tomorrow evening. Match that Hutchings you cheapskate.

Could you please post a picture of yourself you Nigerian shrunken head eater?

[Deaner]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

Oh, and my offer is not a part of Brother John North's generous codfish offer.

North is offering codfish?? OK, I will offer $60,000 US and 10,000 live octupus to be inserted into your anus for hemmoroid control you ostrich riding darkie.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

North is offering codfish?? OK, I will offer $60,000 US and 10,000 live octupus to be inserted into your anus for hemmoroid control you ostrich riding darkie.

How will my congregation's lowly $300 compare to your and Brother James's and Brother John's generosity?

Well, Mr. Jenning, my offer is still available if you aren't overwhelmed by these others.

[Deaner]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

How will my congregation's lowly $300 compare to your and Brother James's and Brother John's generosity?

Well, Mr. Jenning, my offer is still available if you aren't overwhelmed by these others.

We will never forsake you Brother Rodimer. Mr. Jenning can take it or leave it. He is the one going around begging.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

We will never forsake you Brother Rodimer.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

Well, Mr. Jenning, my offer is still available if you aren't overwhelmed by these others.

I'll bet he got eaten by a lion.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hi Saints, $300 needed for Missionary Movement! Please Give!!!

I'll bet he got eaten by a lion.

Great. Now Second Baptist will have to find a new missionary partner in Nigeria.