Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

We at Landover Baptist Church congratulate the voters of Maine for protecting Christians' basic human rights to freedom and equality against vicious anti-Christian persecution by the lavender mafia. Nonetheless, since we believe in the entire Bible, rather than those parts that fluffy-bunny liberal "Christians" cherry-pick, we believe that the Maine vote was only the first step in bringing secular law on marriage into line with God's Law. Therefore, we propose the following amendment to the state constitution (of Maine or any other state whose people wish to prove that they do not hate God, marriage, and morality) to make it more Biblically correct. For the convenience of those "Christians" whose knowledge of Scripture is limited to Peanuts specials, we cite the appropriate Bible verses.

§ 1. Marriage shall be defined as the union of one man and one or more wives and concubines (2 Sam. 5:13), including rape victims (Deut. 22:28-29), POW sex slaves (Numbers 31:18, Deut. 21:10-14), and daughters purchased from other men (Exodus 21:7-11).

§ 2. No interfaith or inter-ethnic marriage shall be valid (Ezra 9:2, 10:2-3).

§ 3. No marriage shall be valid if it involves a Christian who has previously been divorced from another Christian who is still alive (Mark 10:9-12, 1 Cor. 7:10-11) or a woman whose former husband is still alive (1 Cor. 7:39).

§ 4. No marriage shall be valid if it involves a minister and any woman except a virgin of the same ethnicity (Lev. 21:13-14).

§ 5. During a woman's menstrual period, she shall be put apart for one week (Lev. 15:20), and the State shall have the power to criminalize sex during that period (Lev. 20:18).

§ 6. If two brothers live together, and one of them dies, the other shall be required to marry the deceased's widow, unless an appropriate ceremony is performed (Deut. 25:5-10).

§ 7. It shall be a capital offense for a woman to represent inaccurately that she will be a virgin on her wedding night. No corresponding law shall be enacted to apply to men. A woman accused under this section shall be guilty until proved innocent. If her husband falsely accuses her under this section, he shall be assessed a fine, payable to her father, and may never divorce her. (Deut. 22:13-21)

§ 8. No divorce shall be valid in the case of a marriage between a rapist and his rape victim (Deut. 22:28-29), if the husband has been fined under § 7 hereof (Deut. 22:19), or, in the case of marriage between believers, if initiated by the wife (Deut. 24:1, Mark 10:4).

§ 9. A man who marries shall be exempt from any draft or other military service for one year thereafter, and his employer may not require him to travel on business for said one year (Deut. 24:5).

§ 10. The State shall have the power to ensure that each wife submits to her husband as though he were God (Eph. 5:22-24).

§ 11. If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed, he must marry her, unless the virgin's father does not approve, in which case the man shall pay the father an appropriate fine. The courts of this State shall lack subject-matter jurisdiction to review the father's discretion in the matter. (Ex. 22:16-17)

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

Your Legal (I use that in the sense of ‘God’s Law’ throughout) draftsmanship has impressed me, it’s definitely the sort of thing that you should have taken up as a younger man!

You know pastor, there are a lot of half-assed states that are fighting the tide of ever-increasing Godlessness and approach it in a totally disorganized manner with vapid arguments, questionable statistics, less than genuine concerns and empty rhetoric. You have given them a template to start a real Legal system that will go along way to ensuring that their citizens stand at least a chance of getting to Heaven; what other purpose in government could there be?


I suggest you send this to Kansas immediately - I'm sure they would trial it.


If I have a comment, it is the otiose inclusion of “daughters purchased from other men”; how else does one obtain a wife but from her father (or other suitable male guardian)?

[Flat Lander]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

I could learn a lot from you, Pastor Isaac. Close readings of scripture are really important. Do you think you could help me understand the Book of Zelph or the Kinderhook Plates as well as you understand the Bible?

Yours in Christ,

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

Amen, Pastor Ike! We need to use our connections and get this law proposal sent around to the titans of talk radio and our Republican congressmen. I for one will definitely speak of this proposal on my upcoming broadcast this Sunday. While I do admire states that clearly define marriage as being between a man and woman only, they still are not doing enough. As we can read in this thread, there are many additions to marriage laws we can put on our books.

God's law about marriage is supreme. It's nothing but arrogance and rebellion against God to assume that mere human beings can write a better law than that.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

I could learn a lot from you, Pastor Isaac. Close readings of scripture are really important. Do you think you could help me understand the Book of Zelph or the Kinderhook Plates as well as you understand the Bible?

Yours in Christ,

I can help you understand them better...

They're complete utter nonsense made-up by a Satan-worshipping lunatic.

Glad to have helped.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

Amen Pastor! I am writing my congressman, Senator, and all other elected officials to demand this be enacted.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

We at Landover Baptist Church congratulate the voters of Maine for protecting Christians' basic human rights to freedom and equality against vicious anti-Christian persecution by the lavender mafia. Nonetheless, since we believe in the entire Bible, rather than those parts that fluffy-bunny liberal "Christians" cherry-pick, we believe that the Maine vote was only the first step in bringing secular law on marriage into line with God's Law. Therefore, we propose the following amendment to the state constitution (of Maine or any other state whose people wish to prove that they do not hate God, marriage, and morality) to make it more Biblically correct. For the convenience of those "Christians" whose knowledge of Scripture is limited to Peanuts specials, we cite the appropriate Bible verses.

§ 1. Marriage shall be defined as the union of one man and one or more wives and concubines (2 Sam. 5:13), including rape victims (Deut. 22:28-29), POW sex slaves (Numbers 31:18, Deut. 21:10-14), and daughters purchased from other men (Exodus 21:7-11).

§ 2. No interfaith or inter-ethnic marriage shall be valid (Ezra 9:2, 10:2-3).

§ 3. No marriage shall be valid if it involves a Christian who has previously been divorced from another Christian who is still alive (Mark 10:9-12, 1 Cor. 7:10-11) or a woman whose former husband is still alive (1 Cor. 7:39).

§ 4. No marriage shall be valid if it involves a minister and any woman except a virgin of the same ethnicity (Lev. 21:13-14).

§ 5. During a woman's menstrual period, she shall be put apart for one week (Lev. 15:20), and the State shall have the power to criminalize sex during that period (Lev. 20:18).

§ 6. If two brothers live together, and one of them dies, the other shall be required to marry the deceased's widow, unless an appropriate ceremony is performed (Deut. 25:5-10).

§ 7. It shall be a capital offense for a woman to represent inaccurately that she will be a virgin on her wedding night. No corresponding law shall be enacted to apply to men. A woman accused under this section shall be guilty until proved innocent. If her husband falsely accuses her under this section, he shall be assessed a fine, payable to her father, and may never divorce her. (Deut. 22:13-21)

§ 8. No divorce shall be valid in the case of a marriage between a rapist and his rape victim (Deut. 22:28), if the husband has been fined under § 7 hereof (Deut. 22:19), or, in the case of marriage between believers, if initiated by the wife (Deut. 24:1, Mark 10:4).

§ 9. A man who marries shall be exempt from any draft or other military service for one year thereafter, and his employer may not require him to travel on business for said one year (Deut. 24:5).

§ 10. The State shall have the power to ensure that each wife submits to her husband as though he were God (Eph. 5:22-24).

§ 11. If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed, he must marry her, unless the virgin's father does not approve, in which case the man shall pay the father an appropriate fine. The courts of this State shall lack subject-matter jurisdiction to review the father's discretion in the matter. (Ex. 22:16-17)

Shout GLORY!!! God's Law is so obviously superior to secular law that there is no contest!!

I have no doubt the once Sarah Palin is sworn in as President (holding a KJV1611 Bible no doubt), she will take steps to scrap the constitution and install the Bible as the law of the land on her first day in office!!

[Flat Lander]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

Shout GLORY!!! God's Law is so obviously superior to secular law that there is no contest!!

I have no doubt the once Sarah Palin is sworn in as President (holding a KJV1611 Bible no doubt), she will take steps to scrap the constitution and install the Bible as the law of the land on her first day in office!!

Pastor Ezekiel,

I have a question. Is this going to happen after an election by the people? Or is God just going to come down to the earth and tell everybody that Sarah Palin is the new president?

See, I think there are some people who won't vote for her, so maybe the best way for her to become president would be for people to PRAY her into office.

You know, that brings up another question. When someone prays for something, and then it happens, how is that different from magic? Let's say, for example the farmers of Iowa get together and pray for rain, and then it rains. Clearly that means it rains because God made it rain. But, what about if the farmers of some other place, like France or California or some other foreign place, got together and did a magic rain dance, and then it rained. Would it be the magic rain dance that made it rain? Or would it still be God? And, if it was still God, why would he recognize a magic rain dance done by foreigners?

Some of this being a Christian stuff is still confusing to me, but I'm glad that the loving, caring, tender, sweet-natured brothers and sisters here at the Landover Baptist Church are so happy to teach me these things in their loving and lovely ways. It's all just so lovely.

Love,
Flat Lander

[Talitha]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

Pastor Ezekiel,

I have a question. Is this going to happen after an election by the people? Or is God just going to come down to the earth and tell everybody that Sarah Palin is the new president?

See, I think there are some people who won't vote for her, so maybe the best way for her to become president would be for people to PRAY her into office.

You know, that brings up another question. When someone prays for something, and then it happens, how is that different from magic? Let's say, for example the farmers of Iowa get together and pray for rain, and then it rains. Clearly that means it rains because God made it rain. But, what about if the farmers of some other place, like France or California or some other foreign place, got together and did a magic rain dance, and then it rained. Would it be the magic rain dance that made it rain? Or would it still be God? And, if it was still God, why would he recognize a magic rain dance done by foreigners?

Some of this being a Christian stuff is still confusing to me, but I'm glad that the loving, caring, tender, sweet-natured brothers and sisters here at the Landover Baptist Church are so happy to teach me these things in their loving and lovely ways. It's all just so lovely.

Love,
Flat Lander

When we True Christians™ Pray, we are talking to Jesus HIMself.
Jesus listens to us because we are not filthy foreigners, dirty Homo's nor Unsaved Trash.
If we Pray for something to happen, either way, it is the Will of God as to whether HE chooses to make it happen or not.
When anyone else Prays for rain (for instance), generally it won't happen. But, if by some coincidence it does, then it's just down to the weather.

When my Aunt Lucy was sick, we prayed for her to get better. Turns out, she died.
It was obviously God's will and He decided to kill her anyway.
Now, either we didn't Pray hard enough (unlikely) OR she wasn't as devoted to The Lord as we thought.
Whatever, it was GOD'S WILL

[Flat Lander]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

When we True Christians™ Pray, we are talking to Jesus HIMself.
Jesus listens to us because we are not filthy foreigners, dirty Homo's nor Unsaved Trash.
If we Pray for something to happen, either way, it is the Will of God as to whether HE chooses to make it happen or not.
When anyone else Prays for rain (for instance), generally it won't happen. But, if by some coincidence it does, then it's just down to the weather.

When my Aunt Lucy was sick, we prayed for her to get better. Turns out, she died.
It was obviously God's will and He decided to kill her anyway.
Now, either we didn't Pray hard enough (unlikely) OR she wasn't as devoted to The Lord as we thought.
Whatever, it was GOD'S WILL

I'm not sure that makes any sense at all, but it's probably just that my brain isn't Christian enough. Is there something I can do to help my brain transform more quickly. I sometimes hear about religious people who "drink the Kool-aid". Will that help me become more Godly and Christian like you? If so, what flavor? Does it have to be name-brand, or can I get the generic store brand? Also, should I buy the kind with the sugar already in it, or do I add my own sugar?

This learning to be a Christian is really much harder than I had ever imagined. There are SO many things to learn. I'm just glad that my new family here at the Landover Baptist Church has welcomed me with such open arms and shown such unconditional Christian love to me. It is hard to believe that such a wonderful, charitable, loving group such as yourself, who has been so richly blessed with the blessings of God would be so open and loving and not be cynical and judgmental to those you find inferior, like me. I just love each and every one of you.

What a lovely place.

And, I do love these smiley things.

Love,
Flat Lander

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

I'm not sure that makes any sense at all, but it's probably just that my brain isn't Christian enough. Is there something I can do to help my brain transform more quickly. I sometimes hear about religious people who "drink the Kool-aid". Will that help me become more Godly and Christian like you? If so, what flavor? Does it have to be name-brand, or can I get the generic store brand? Also, should I buy the kind with the sugar already in it, or do I add my own sugar?

This learning to be a Christian is really much harder than I had ever imagined. There are SO many things to learn. I'm just glad that my new family here at the Landover Baptist Church has welcomed me with such open arms and shown such unconditional Christian love to me. It is hard to believe that such a wonderful, charitable, loving group such as yourself, who has been so richly blessed with the blessings of God would be so open and loving and not be cynical and judgmental to those you find inferior, like me. I just love each and every one of you.

What a lovely place.

And, I do love these smiley things.

Love,
Flat Lander

1. Buy a Bible, KJV1611
2. Read it twice, cover to cover
3. Come back when you're finished.

[Flat Lander]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

1. Buy a Bible, KJV1611
2. Read it twice, cover to cover
3. Come back when you're finished.

WOW!

Everything is so SIMPLE for you good Christians. It's so complicated and hard for me. I can't wait until I'm just like you.

I can't get out to a store, and I don't know my mailing address so I can't have anything mailed to me. But, someone did sneak a page out of a bible in to me when they brought me my meal one day. I'm sure it was the right one (you know, KJV-whatever) and it was just part of one page, but I read it and it said when God came down from heaven to find Adam and Eve in the Garden one time, that he couldn't find them because they were hiding. I was wondering if that meant that God wasn't very good at hide-n-seek or if he just wasn't in the mood to play right then.

Or, I guess it is possible that playing hide-n-seek is a sin. I hear lots of things are sins that I didn't even know about before I came here. I learn more and more each day from you good, loving Christian people.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

WOW!

Everything is so SIMPLE for you good Christians. It's so complicated and hard for me. I can't wait until I'm just like you.

I can't get out to a store, and I don't know my mailing address so I can't have anything mailed to me. But, someone did sneak a page out of a bible in to me when they brought me my meal one day. I'm sure it was the right one (you know, KJV-whatever) and it was just part of one page, but I read it and it said when God came down from heaven to find Adam and Eve in the Garden one time, that he couldn't find them because they were hiding. I was wondering if that meant that God wasn't very good at hide-n-seek or if he just wasn't in the mood to play right then.

Or, I guess it is possible that playing hide-n-seek is a sin. I hear lots of things are sins that I didn't even know about before I came here. I learn more and more each day from you good, loving Christian people.

http://etext.virginia.edu/kjv.browse.html

There you go, on-line and free.
Get reading.
Or you can read our very own, Bible in a year. Complete with explanations!

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=45&order=desc&page=12

[APOSTOLIC ARBITER]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

Sir,

I am impressed with your position on the subject of biblical marriage and I trust that fleshly pride will not prevail between us concerning this subject. I perceive that you are not far from the mark. That said, I do not support the belief that rape constitutes marriage in the Sight of GOD because the scripture does not support this doctrine. Scripture addressing any subject must not be embraced to the exclusion of other scripture addressing that same subject. To do so is only to embrace bigotry and ignorance, which things pertain strictly to the fleshly mind.

One can just as easily fail to correctly divide the word of truth in excluding the "cherries" (as you call them) as one embraces error in adhering only to partial truth. Regardless of whether any partial truth represents the lion's share of Bible verses addressing any subject in question, understanding it cannot be complete unless all of the scripture concerning that subject is equally embraced. It seems a shame that we would be at odds concerning this subject, but I am adherant to that FULL BIBLE TRUTH which embraces those "cherries" along with the rest of the Word of GOD.

Deuteronomy 22

25 But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die.
26 But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so is this matter:
27 For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her.

Rape is tantamount to murder and should be dealt with accordingly.

May GOD bless you in the knowledge of full Bible truth.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Biblically Correct Marriage Amendment

Dear friend:

Thank you for your thoughtful commentary. I will follow your excellent suggestion to embrace the full Bible truth and will now apply it to the topic of rape. Immediately after the passage from Deuteronomy that you cite, we read the following:

Deut. 22:28-29: If a man find a damsel [that is] a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty [shekels] of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

Please let me have your thoughts on the significance of this Bible passage.