RE: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

[Pastor Ezekiel]

ATTENTION: If you are not a True Christian™, then you have no business reading this thread. Get thee hence right now!



Brothers and sisters in Christ, I need to get a few things clarified, because there have been plenty of nasty rumors and vicious gossip going around about some recent goings-on in my life.

First off, my recent purchases of Buddhist artifacts is nothing to be alarmed about. My collection is extensive, but they are for research purposes only. The fact that I am having a 5,000 square foot addition built on my estate to house my collection is none of the congregation's business! I am your pastor! You are in no position to question me!

Secondly, my recent trip to South Asia was to rent boy brothels in Thailand (the better to bring them to Christ's Love), NOT to monasteries in Nepal and Tibet to study Buddhism. I am NOT converting to Buddhism, though I am beginning to see that Buddha's teachings are not wholly incompatible with the Holy Bible. The Dalai Llama is a great man, I don't care what you small minded fools think!

I am SICK AND TIRED of all you so-called True Christians™ spreading LIES about me. I am the most popular pastor Freehold has ever known, and I will NOT stand by and see my name dragged through the mud. ESPECIALLY by the likes of a certain female loud-mouth named "sister" Talitha, who runs a professional dominatrix business on the side, and by the likes of one "Brother" Larry Lee, who runs a dating service for old men looking for teenage girls RIGHT HERE IN FREEHOLD! You people have no right to be gossiping about me!

These personal attacks on me have got to stop, people. It's bad for Freehold, bad for Landover Baptist, and it's especially bad for the image of Christianity.

And by the way, it's potentially bad for you personally.

[True Disciple]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

Well, dear Pastor, I must say I am relieved! Your fierce, uncontrolled anger proves that you are nothing like Buddha or a buddhist. I think no buddhist would ever want to have any contact with you. After all, buddhists meditate, and never would care about rumors like these, let alone get angry!

[Darren Ingram-Myers]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

Pastor, it's good to see you becoming more multicultural. You're setting a good example for your congregation.

As for the teachings of the Buddha, I've long maintained that all rivers lead to the ocean and that we should see that of Mother/Father God in all of us, so why shouldn't Mother/Father God have blessed the Buddha with Her/His wisdom? When you look at the essence of each religion, instead of reading the holy texts in a linear, syllogistic, Eurocentric way, you will see that the similarities outweigh the differences.

[Talitha]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

ESPECIALLY by the likes of a certain female loud-mouth named "sister" Talitha, who runs a professional dominatrix business on the side.

So this explains the mysterious slant I've seen wandering around outside your house dressed in some kind of blanket and wearing sandals.
If I hadn't seen a bald head I would have taken him for the second coming of Our Lord Jesus.

My business affairs are certainly NOT anything to do with Dom anything.

As every Pastor knows who has been through my doors, I merely offer Executive stress relief to the hard working men of our community.
The fact that I have a historical collecton of Whips, Chains and other ephemera is neither here nor there.
A Girl needs a hobby after all.

I take it, Pastor Ezekiel (I cannot say what I usually call you) that you will be cancelling your next appointment?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

Secondly, my recent trip to South Asia was to rent boy brothels in Thailand (the better to bring them to Christ's Love), NOT to monasteries in Nepal and Tibet to study Buddhism.

Pastor, how many of the rent boys did you bring back from Thailand to work on your estate as religious order ministerial staff (they don't require payment)? Are they healthy, with good skin and teeth? Will they have individual rooms in your 5,000 square foot addition for privacy?

Are they relieved that you've rescued them from the unending parade of sweaty American men wanting to use them as sex toys?

[Levi Jones]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

I don't think Larry Lee and I have ever exchanged phone numbers. I need to talk to him about this abomination.

I'll be seeing Tali next Tuesday at 1 p.m. anyway. I guess I could bring it up to her while she gives me a massage by walking on my back. You eventually get used to the high heels.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

You still haven't explained were it talks about prayer flags in The Bible Pastor Zeke.

My business affairs are certainly NOT anything to do with Dom anything.

Speaking of that Sister Talitha

This what

Ephesians 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Says

Were did you get "For the husband is the head of the wife, as the wife is is as seated on the face of the husband,even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body." out of that?

[Talitha]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

You eventually get used to the high heels.

They will feel much better now I have them in your size
Well, It's not as though you wear dresses or anything.
NOT LIKE BOODHISTS

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

You still haven't explained were it talks about prayer flags in The Bible Pastor Zeke.

Are you sure those are prayer flags, Brother B-J? It could be that the Thai servants that Zeke has freed from their life of sexual servitude in the boy-brothels have done their laundry and hung their undergarments out to dry. You know how tiny those boys are; why, a healthy American man like you or me can practically get his hands all the way around a Thai boy's waist!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

You still haven't explained were it talks about prayer flags in The Bible Pastor Zeke.

I'm conducting Creationist experiments with them. Yea, that's it.

NOT LIKE BOODHISTS

I heard that.


For the one millionth time, I AM NOT A BUDDHIST, though I have developed a great respect for them. For example, did you know that Tibetan Monks fought bravely in WW2?

What did you do in WW2, Talitha?

Or should I say who did you do?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

Are you sure those are prayer flags, Brother B-J? It could be that the Thai servants that Zeke has freed from their life of sexual servitude in the boy-brothels have done their laundry and hung their undergarments out to dry. You know how tiny those boys are; why, a healthy American man like you or me can practically get his hands all the way around a Thai boy's waist!

That's what we thought too. Since there is an ordinance against drying your clothes on clothes line in Freehold (we don't want to make the city look like it is filled with white trash or hicks) we pointed this out to Pastor Zeke. He tried waving it off as "payer flags like the great Teacher Jesus used" and refuses to cite scripture.

[Talitha]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

Buddhist nonsense deleted

What did you do in WW2, Talitha?

Or should I say who did you do?

I am not THAT old
My Grandfather died in a German P.O.W Camp I hope you know.

OK he fell out of the Guard Tower, but he was a hero.

[True Disciple]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

For the one millionth time, I AM NOT A BUDDHIST, though I have developed a great respect for them. For example, did you know that Tibetan Monks fought bravely in WW2?

So did the Brits and the joos, Pastor. Are you actually showing respect for hellbound sinners? Allow me to remind you of the following Scripture quotes:

2 Corinthians 6:14-17:
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

If anyone tries us to deceive into heathendom, we should do the following:

Deuteronomy 13:1-5:
If there arise among you a prophet, or a dreamer of dreams, and giveth thee a sign or a wonder, And the sign or the wonder come to pass, whereof he spake unto thee, saying, Let us go after other gods, which thou hast not known, and let us serve them;
Thou shalt not hearken unto the words of that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams: for the LORD your God proveth you, to know whether ye love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.
Ye shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him.
And that prophet, or that dreamer of dreams, shall be put to death; because he hath spoken to turn you away from the LORD your God, which brought you out of the land of Egypt, and redeemed you out of the house of bondage, to thrust thee out of the way which the LORD thy God commanded thee to walk in. So shalt thou put the evil away from the midst of thee.

I hope I make myself clear, Pastor?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

That's what we thought too. Since there is an ordinance against drying your clothes on clothes line in Freehold (we don't want to make the city look like it is filled with white trash or hicks) we pointed this out to Pastor Zeke. He tried waving it off as "payer flags like the great Teacher Jesus used" and refuses to cite scripture.

Well, that's disturbing. Maybe he was just trying to get around the underwear thing.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

Pastor Zeke, I apologize for going off-topic in your thread, but I can't respond to your last pm to me. My box is full and I'm not sure how to empty it.

I don't know what you mean by this:

Develop the mind of equilibrium.
You will always be getting praise and blame,
but do not let either affect the poise of the mind:
follow the calmness, the absence of pride.

Are you trying to say this, from the Holy KJV?

Proverbs 11
2When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.

You seem to be using an odd translation, Pastor, has someone stolen your KJV?