[Cranky Old Man]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

a bit of sense

You don't have very much of that now do you?

[Dawkins_is_My_God]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

Well thanks be to be Jasus there is no god(s), cos he'ld be spinning in his grave hearing that. But to all the creatons in the world why stop here. I mean, I assume these are the same Pallin loving loonies that I see on Fox News. And how can you support Pallin? I mean the bible clearly states:

A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

Surely there was one male republican who wanted the position. Then again, after the ham fisted job she did, perhaps they were right to let her take the fall.

And I hope that you all take the time to beat your little soon-to-be head bangers

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. [...] Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. [...] Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

And you guys just gotta try shell fish. Crab, shrimp, you don't know what you're missing. Oh and ham, and sausages, and bacon, yum yum. Cos surely

And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you. [...] And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you: [...] Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

And I must say, AHEM AHEM mister Prune Danish "Apostle of the North" (and super hero?) WHERE IS YOUR BEARD.... HEATHEN SCUM!!!

You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard

Did no one ever thing this Leviticus guy was just off his nut? Maybe a little touched?

Anyway, I'm off to get myself stoned and watch some Jon Stewart. Good luck with the whole God thing, and I wish it were true that he existed, cos if he did he would hit you all over the head with his peace and love stick. The new testament does say a lot of things that make quite a bit of sense, the main one being can't we all just get along, but div's like you ruin it for everyone. As I write this there is a "Humorous" pic of a bunch of bearded smilies being blown up by some imperialist weaponry.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

Why is anyone here, friend?

To suffer in life, live by the KJV1611 Bible and go to Heaven. There is the entire meaning of life for you, in 1 simple sentence.

[Levi Jones]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

Why is anyone here, friend? I love your signature. We all must exhibit forgiveness. It is truely the way of Christ.

You seem like a real mensch. Relax, us you can trust. You're practically mishpocheh, unless you're some mishegas non-perfected joo trying to troll us. That would make you a real shmendrik.

Oy Vey! What's your kvetsh?

[Steve WiseMan]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

Why is anyone here, friend? I love your signature. We all must exhibit forgiveness. It is truely the way of Christ.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

God is definitely not a fashion whatever (I don't speak spanish pablo this is America). The fact is not many Christians truly believe in the Bible anymore and all kinds of strange cults have sprung up everywhere these days. God is perfect. He does not change. The only thing that has changed is Jesus came and showed everyone God means business. Jesus doesn't take sin lightly and neither does the big man (same guy by the way). I mean it takes real guts to let a bunch of hook nose bushy eye browed woman fearing dark skinned curly haired midgets nail you to a cross for a few shiny pennies just because God decided to send the good word. Jesus definetly should have eterminated all of the penny pinchers right there and then for disobeying Gods word but I guess he knew they had it coming to them and there were probably things to do upstairs.

Why are you here?

[Steve WiseMan]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

God is definitely not a fashion whatever (I don't speak spanish pablo this is America). The fact is not many Christians truly believe in the Bible anymore and all kinds of strange cults have sprung up everywhere these days. God is perfect. He does not change. The only thing that has changed is Jesus came and showed everyone God means business. Jesus doesn't take sin lightly and neither does the big man (same guy by the way). I mean it takes real guts to let a bunch of hook nose bushy eye browed woman fearing dark skinned curly haired midgets nail you to a cross for a few shiny pennies just because God decided to send the good word. Jesus definetly should have eterminated all of the penny pinchers right there and then for disobeying Gods word but I guess he knew they had it coming to them and there were probably things to do upstairs.

[Wide-Open]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

So God is just a Fashionista?

Um. OK.

[LORD_SOTEK]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE MY FRIEND, YOUR GOD, DECIDED UPON THESE WORDS, BACK IN THE DAYS IN WHICH SUCH THINGS WERE THE NORM FOR GODS. IN THESE TIMES, MANY OF US HAVE CHANGED OUR MINDS, YOUR GOD INCLUDED. HE NO LONGER THINKS OF THESE AS ACCEPTABLE PUNISHMENTS, HOWEVER, HE HAS YET TO FIND, IN RECENT TIMES, SOMEONE THROUGH WHOM HIS WORDS WILL BE ACCEPTED AS HIS OWN. SO I SPEAK TO YOU ALL AS HIS FRIEND, AND WOULD ASK OF YOU YOU TO LISTEN A LITTLE HARDER TO WHAT MY FRIEND IS TRYiNG TO SAY TO YOU ALL, EVENTUALLY, YOU WILL LISTEN, OR YOU WILL PERISH. NOT BY HIS HAND, BUT BY MINE.

[Nobar King]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

I can't imagine how anyone would associate that racist (OIC) with this humble church.

[Pastor Rune Enoe]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

All i have read is the first page, and it is all i needed to read.

How can anyone take someone like 'Old Iron Crotch' who is so racist that she has ' Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!', in what way is this a modern day, even ACCEPTABLE view to have? what is this southern America during 50's?

Racism is a banning offense on this board.

At Landover we are nothing if not tolerant. Jesus told us to spread the Good News to the sinners, and this is why we allow even the most hardened of sinners to participate on this board. However, her title "SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!" and her red reputation points should tell you, that Old Iron Crotch in no way speaks for our church

The first comment was posted over a year ago now, and states that anyone who doesn't follow god will Succumb to genocide. This includes animals, what the piffle did the animals ever do, pretty sure they don't go around spouting shit on the internet.

We are Christians. We didn't write the Bible, we just follow it.

Words cannot describe how narrow minded you are to be able to say these things. Your clearly pissed off about your wife cheating on you that you swapped 6 and 7 around you prick.

Good luck committing genocide on me and my agnostic friends

I really fail to see where my private life enters into it. All I did was point out that the 7th commandment is an obvious anomaly. If you had bothered to read more than one page, you would have seen where I show that even Philo of Alexandria (a Jew living at the time of our Lord) agrees with me on this.

[Levelheaded]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

All i have read is the first page, and it is all i needed to read.

How can anyone take someone like 'Old Iron Crotch' who is so racist that she has ' Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!', in what way is this a modern day, even ACCEPTABLE view to have? what is this southern America during 50's?

The first comment was posted over a year ago now, and states that anyone who doesn't follow god will Succumb to genocide. This includes animals, what the piffle did the animals ever do, pretty sure they don't go around spouting shit on the internet.

Words cannot describe how narrow minded you are to be able to say these things. Your clearly pissed off about your wife cheating on you that you swapped 6 and 7 around you prick.

Good luck committing genocide on me and my agnostic friends

[Meek and Humble]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

Ha!http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?...3411728_Church,I knew this whole thing had to be a prank.And a damn good one!Brilliant....it was the bible quotes that threw me.I figured they were too exact to be simply made up.Fair play,the whole 'Baptist Church' does leave itself wide open for divine revelation.You've turned winding up atheists into an artform.Once again...brilliant.

I have no idea what you are talking about, but why do you think Christian faith is a prank? We have not made up any Bible verses whatsoever. Check for yourself.

https://www.biblegateway.com

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showpost.php?p=255088&postcount=1

First post of this thread. Go there. See the Biblical citations. Check the Bible. You'll see they match up exactly.

[TrapDoorGreen]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

Ha!http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landover_Baptist_Church,I knew this whole thing had to be a prank.And a damn good one!Brilliant....it was the bible quotes that threw me.I figured they were too exact to be simply made up.Fair play,the whole 'Baptist Church' does leave itself wide open for parody.You've turned winding up atheists into an artform.Once again...brilliant.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: The Ten Commandments and their Punishments

[ignorance deleted]Therefore nothing from the KJV1611 version can be taken as direct from God without knowledge of the translation - or more completely - without using the original version in the first place.

I really should keep a copy handy. If I have explained this once, I have explained it 1000 times!

1. God gave his final version of His Inerrant Word to James King of England and Scotland. This version corrected ALL preceding ones.

2. The Pilgrim Fathers took KJV 1611 to America. The language in KJV1611 was therefore English “born again” as American. It is just as different therefore, as a sinner and a saved soul.

On a seperate point, going back to the concept of Rape as a punishment. I believe the words were as listed in Numbers 31:18

18But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

Who said anything about raping them?

Why do you think the “women children were chosen and not the men children?

Leviticus 25:44-46

H[garbage deleted]way.

I think you meant,
Le:25:44: Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids.
Le:25:45: Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession.
Le:25:46: And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to inherit them for a possession; they shall be your bondmen for ever: but over your brethren the children of Israel, ye shall not rule one over another with rigour.

Is it not possible that some of your literal interpretations are actually mis-interpretations.

No, that is not possible.

Landover Baptist Faith and Message statement
"The Holy Bible, KJV1611, was written by men divinely inspired and is God's revelation of Himself to man. It is a perfect treasure of divine instruction. It has God for its author, salvation for its end, and truth, without any mixture of error, for its matter. Therefore, all Scripture is totally true and trustworthy.”

I would suggest that there is a possibility for some mis-interpretation within the Americanized versions of the bible, and much more scope for mis-translation of the original.

You obviously have not read anything I have written, because, above, I explain it all so simply that even a cretin could understand.

Your suggestions are so bad they are not even wrong.