Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

[Johny Joe Hold]

I was working the room at the Senior Center yesterday. After I had chatted a while and was leaving a beautiful lady about 65 years, wearing necklace with a cross, blocked my way out the door.

Looking around nervously she whispered, "Are Catholics allowed at the Sunday Landover Baptist service?" I was taken aback. "I'll check and get back to you." I said.

Thinking it over, it seems like a good idea to invite them. They need to be forewarned there is none of the "Hail Mary full of grace" stuff.

The thing is, Catholics are split into two groups, hate Pope Frank, love Pope Frank. Why not let them hear a world class preacher, Pastor Zeke?

I hate to mention it, but the lady I meant looked to be quite prosperous. There is that to consider also.

In Chicago, the pope's allies gathered to discuss his vision — and his detractors (religionnews.com)

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

Has the pope started having visions? In that piece he mentioned works of the devil; I'd be reluctant to say a "vision" he had fell outside that category.

Cake ministry is not often discussed here but perhaps that would be a way to check out prospective Romists during afternoon coffee? And maybe a Pastor or the deaconess could drop in for a casual word, or yourself. Pulling out rosaries or a crucifix would be very inappropriate during a service, they even kiss the things don't they? Just to make sure.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

Pulling out rosaries or a crucifix would be very inappropriate during a service, they even kiss the things don't they? Just to make sure.

Good thought, Sister Mitza. Catholics would have to be forewarned to leave behind their bizarre obsessions. They would need to be monitored while they are in the Landover Baptist service. Maybe ushers could be assigned specific people to watch.

Hauling offenders out of the service while Pastor Zeke is preaching would be disruptive--I'm not sure how we should handle that.

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

They'll have you in a dress glugging back $1 per bottle "blood of Christ" sooner than you can say "kiss the ring". Next stop they'll push your tipsy body into the darkness of the "confessional booth" where they'll do God knows what.



Stay well clear of them.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

We're not intending to trot off to one of their efforts or get involved with tawdry ceremonies. Mainly it's about what to do if they turn up here, maybe disillusioned with Rome or even about to take up Buddhism.

There's an opening but you're right, they probably will try selling stuff. Earlier I had to look up one of their "saints" and right there at the top of the page was a tacky gold pendant I could buy of the wretched woman even before I'd read anything about her! I don't wear jewellery so it was a wasted plug but I bet it was $ plenty more than the cost of the gold. It looked about 4 inches long, oval shape, revolting, embossed with a graven image (not that anyone knows what she looked like after thirteen hundred years) and utterly idolatrous.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

With declining attendances, the Catholics are in a weak position to negotiate favorable terms in a merger with the LBC. They have a lot of assets (mainly held in gold plate on false idol pendants) which we should insist be melted down in exchange for warm bodies. Souls, I mean. Eternal salvation for their earthly treasures.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

All are Welcome at Landover Baptist Church, provided they come with an open mind.
Once we have them in a room, we can talk in a caring and loving manner. Using the Pure Word of God™ we can easily show them the error of their ways. No person in their right mind would resist the Clarity of the True Words of God Himself.
No matter the amount of time or lack of water, I'd work tirelessly using the Will of Jesus Christ to make the sinners repent their unholy ways and arrange for True Salvation by the Landover Baptist Church.




Forms are available in the Church office, Miss Cookie can supply them and have the Church Notary make them binding. Bring 3 years 1040's.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

If you do, better make sure all the minors are in Sunday school with the door locked and an armed guard posted in front of it.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

I am finding this thread somewhat offensive. It doesn’t take the memory of an elephant to recall that I was once a papist. I have hailed Mary and called out to St Jude for help on many occasions. But I burned all my statuettes and rosaries. For my 8th grade graduation ceremony we had to recite the popes in order but now I have put that nonsense out of my mind.

I am just saying that when you welcome Catholics to LBC, I am what you get. Is there any doubt about the value of my presence? How many young, handsome, intelligent certified equine gnathologists do you find leaping in the gold baptistry? Pardon me for cursing, but darn few, I bet.

In the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
BrotherLarry

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

Would there be special requirements for Jesuits? There's one clearly interested in The Truth who's having trouble throwing off the shackles whom I was thinking of inviting. Perhaps a little more witnessing would encourage him because I've noticed he's getting fascinated with unadorned pagan dances. There's probably not much dancing done by Metropolitans and Ordinaries (I just looked those up: they seem like ranks he'd aspire to) and if he's getting jiggy he'll be targeted by the witches or worse, the warlocks.

I hope this doesn't seem inappropriate – I don't know anything about Jesuits and have had enough looking things up after that Saint Wärtsilä or whatever her name was. They tried to flog me a gold amulet. It looked about 2 oz. He probably has several.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

If you do, better make sure all the minors are in Sunday school with the door locked and an armed guard posted in front of it.

Thank you, Brother Lukes. I've always wondered if Catholics in the pews receive instructions about how to live the merry life of sexual freedom practiced by priests. If ordinary Catholics are bent on living the same sinful lives we'd best be careful. Maybe we could screen them for both adequate income and they attitudes on sexual sin.

[Roland]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

I am what you get. Is there any doubt about the value of my presence? How many young, handsome, intelligent certified equine gnathologists do you find leaping in the gold baptistry? Pardon me for cursing, but darn few, I bet.

The folk at Landover can not even keep rodents out. I don´t know why papists would be unable to access this fine forum.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

With declining attendances, the Catholics are in a weak position to negotiate favorable terms in a merger with the LBC. They have a lot of assets (mainly held in gold plate on false idol pendants) which we should insist be melted down in exchange for warm bodies. Souls, I mean. Eternal salvation for their earthly treasures.

Indeed. I think the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel would make a great mural for Pastor Ezekiel's poolside cabana. Think how many more souls he could save if his guests were greeted with that inspiring scene. The Pope's golden telephone would make an excellent addition to one of Pastor Zeke's poolside bathrooms, too, to give it that Mar-a-Lago luxury feel.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

Landover Ordnance #1782, passed 19th March 1873: "If a Catlick appear within a furlong of the front door of Landover, other than that he be departing, he shall be subjected to 6 strokes and be escorted over the boundary of the incorporation." I see nothing to suggest that this has been repealed.

I see no advantage to the soul in inviting representatives and acolytes of the vicar of rome into Freehold to spread their vile blasphemies. In the words of the "Soldiers of Christ Kindergarten" hymn

We are the pure and chosen few
And all the rest are damned
There’s room enough in hell for you
We don’t want heaven crammed.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Should We Invite Catholics to Landover Baptist

I know one thing - the Jesuits are terrorists and to watch out for them. Norway and Switzerland once banned them.