[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Sufficient to say Jesus never touched pasta or any such foreign nonsense so neither should we Christians.

And not to mention, he knows that he can't debunk your air tight argument, so he's posting recipes as a distraction. These aren't his recipes anyway. He's just posting passages from his Pastafarian bible.

I went out to water my cayenne peppers this morning, and found that they had all been snipped right at the ground. At first I thought I might have a cutworm, but a cutworm wouldn't take them all out in one night. So I knew it must have been that effete neighbor of mine, still mad because I sprayed Round-Up on his cucumbers.

I went over and banged on his door. He answered and said he did it because he didn't want me to be tempted to shove one of those hot peppers up my ass and end up in Hell. At first I thought that was mighty neighborly of him, if misguided, because I have grown cayenne peppers for 20 years and never considered doing anything with them but eating them.

But then I noticed the smirk on his face and I knew he did it for spite, and he was just making fun of me. I left, but didn't let on that I knew any different. I just said thanks for looking out for me, and went home.

Later today, I'm going to go buy a big bag of salt. Tonight, I will spread it on his lawn in a pattern, so that it will burn the grass away, and the scorch marks will say "Lev 20:13" in three-feet high letters.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

And not to mention, he knows that he can't debunk your air tight argument, so he's posting recipes as a distraction. These aren't his recipes anyway. He's just posting passages from his Pastafarian bible.

I went out to water my cayenne peppers this morning, and found that they had all been snipped right at the ground. At first I thought I might have a cutworm, but a cutworm wouldn't take them all out in one night. So I knew it must have been that effete neighbor of mine, still mad because I sprayed Round-Up on his cucumbers.

I went over and banged on his door. He answered and said he did it because he didn't want me to be tempted to shove one of those hot peppers up my ass and end up in Hell. At first I thought that was mighty neighborly of him, if misguided, because I have grown cayenne peppers for 20 years and never considered doing anything with them but eating them.

But then I noticed the smirk on his face and I knew he did it for spite, and he was just making fun of me. I left, but didn't let on that I knew any different. I just said thanks for looking out for me, and went home.

Pastor, it has long been noted how the sissy liberals hypocritically accuse us good Christian Americans (Republican Baptists) of doing the very thing they are doing. Your neighbor is doubtlessly abusing those cayenne peppers on him self as we speak.

Have you considered calling the police for this theft and act of sodomy? I urge you to act quickly because we all know how effective liberals are at hiding their crimes.

Later today, I'm going to go buy a big bag of salt. Tonight, I will spread it on his lawn in a pattern, so that it will burn the grass away, and the scorch marks will say "Lev 20:13" in three-feet high letters.

PRAISE The Lord Pastor you are such a Godly man. You are not giving up on your hell-bound cucumber pounding neighbor even after all of the awful things he has done. Maybe he will get the message now that Jesus loves him. GLORY!

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

I'll have you know that sister Jenny is a fine, upstanding True Christian™ girl! She has no interest in your ungodly carbohydrates!

To quote your fairy tale

"It is written, man shall not live by bread alone but by every word which proceedeth out of the mouth of God". Matthew 4:4.

Now the use of the word "alone" implies that you need carb's as well, so even the authors of you book acknowledge this fact of life. and what better source of carbohydrates then Pasta? Or have you fallen for the lies of the false prophet Atkins?

Besides that, there is a cellulite issue involved....A rather substantial one actually....

So you have been paying close attention to The Sweet Placid Sister's thighs have you?
I wonder how your fellow Pastors and JennyD herself feel about this?
You undressing her thighs with your eyes is she not a member of your congregation, and don't you claim to be beyond such thoughts?

[JennyD]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

So you have been paying close attention to The Sweet Placid Sister's thighs have you?
I wonder how your fellow Pastors and JennyD herself feel about this?
You undressing her thighs with your eyes is she not a member of your congregation, and don't you claim to be beyond such thoughts?

I'm sure you misunderstood his remark, foodie.

Whatever I cook, I serve at The Monthly Visitor. I don't want to cause the ladies who spend their unclean time of the month at my specialty resort to go home more bloated than they were when they arrived!

Surely Pastor Ezekiel is talking about that. He'd never try to look up my long dresses . . . His fiancee (BT would probably bludgeon him to death with a ham.

Speaking of which, one of the hams is missing from my cooler. You didn't take it, did you?

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

I'm sure you misunderstood his remark, foodie.

Whatever I cook, I serve at The Monthly Visitor. I don't want to cause the ladies who spend their unclean time of the month at my specialty resort to go home more bloated than they were when they arrived!

Surely Pastor Ezekiel is talking about that. He'd never try to look up my long dresses . . . His fiancee (BT would probably bludgeon him to death with a ham.

Oh you may think that could be what he meant, but you just watch his eyes from now on....

Speaking of which, one of the hams is missing from my cooler. You didn't take it, did you?

Oh you can be sure the missing Ham has nothing to do with me for I do not eat the flesh of the pig.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

How do people feel about likes of carrots and courgettes?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

How do people feel about likes of carrots and courgettes?

Carrots are acceptable ONLY if sliced, diced or shredded (my fiancée sister Thumper makes a wicked good carrot-raisin salad!). Left in their original shape, they too easily encourage your average housewife to engage in unwholesome activities.

I'm sure that no one has any idea what a "courgette" might be. Is that chopped up corgi or something?

[Mad Prophet Helmholtz]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

How do people feel about likes of carrots and courgettes?

Carrots are used by the Homosexual Agenda to influence young children to engage in fellatio. BUGS BUNNY CARTOONS RESULT OF SICK HOMOSEXUAL TRICK TO PROMOTE CROSS-DRESSING AND PLACE FAT CARROTS IN THE MOUTH FOR SUCKING PLEASURE!!!! No doubt Bugs Bunny FLUFFY TAIL LIFTED UP IN ANTICIPATION OF ANAL INTERCOURSE sent to impressionable minds by disgusting FAG CULT PROPOGANDA!!!

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Carrots are acceptable ONLY if sliced, diced or shredded (my fiancée sister Thumper makes a wicked good carrot-raisin salad!). Left in their original shape, they too easily encourage your average housewife to engage in unwholesome activities.

Good to hear you are confident of your own sexuality not to be frightened of a salad, unlike some here

I'm sure that no one has any idea what a "courgette" might be. Is that chopped up corgi or something?

I'm sorry, I forgot you don't have English as a first language




A courgette

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Is that a ZUCCHINI!!!???

That's what the hairy Italian women use on themselves...

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Good to hear you are confident of your own sexuality not to be frightened of a salad, unlike some here

I'm sorry, I forgot you don't have English as a first language


PORNO DELETED

A courgette

Are you attempting to engage in homosexual cyber sex with us sinner?

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Are you attempting to engage in homosexual cyber sex with us sinner?

As with many totally innocent images, your reaction says more about you then the original image.

Only a person that has problems with their repressed sexuality would see the picture I posted and anything other then a food item

[Bronzebitch]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Um...I am new here, and I am all for intelligent banter and word play, etc. But this cucumber talk is disturbing. Are you guys just kidding with all this? And how does the story about a cucumber prove that God exists? I do believe in God but if I were an atheist that would only prove Christian's crazier than they already think we are. I am not trying to offend anyone, but come on guys. Let's keep it on the up and up. There is hard, scientific evidence out there we can use. We are representing The Most High here....right?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Um...I am new here, and I am all for intelligent banter and word play, etc. But this cucumber talk is disturbing. Are you guys just kidding with all this? And how does the story about a cucumber prove that God exists? I do believe in God but if I were an atheist that would only prove Christian's crazier than they already think we are. I am not trying to offend anyone, but come on guys. Let's keep it on the up and up. There is hard, scientific evidence out there we can use. We are representing The Most High here....right?

Right

Let's reason this out logically

• God hates sin
• Masturbation is a sin
• God tests us for sin
• Cucumbers as quite suitable for masturbation and little else.

Therefor God created cucumbers.

Do you have a rebuttal for this? If you need scripture to back up my first three points I will furnish it. Obvious the last point is based of simple observation.


EDIT: I would also like to point out I am offering a $10,000 USD reward to anyone who can prove my argument wrong.

The ball is your court materialists.

[Mad Prophet Helmholtz]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Bronzebitch, if you even bothered to READ the inital post of the thread you just commented in, Bobby-Joe explained in sufficient terms the cucumber...

The cucumber: The cucumber sleek shape is the correct size of the human hand. While one can make the weak argument that cucumbers are just that size because apes eat them and Godly micro evolution caused this them to be convenient to a human sized hand no other primate we are supposedly related to eats the cucumber, only humans. This also makes the cucumber the optimal size to be inserted into a human bodily orifice, again there is no natural reason for this. Only humans are depraved enough to violate themselves with a vegetable. Cucumbers have a tough out skin that allows them to put up to resist repeated rubbing, like what will happen when a cucumber is inserted into a human bodily orifice for purulent reasons. Again, no natural reason for this.

Evolution can not explain the cucumber. So clearly the cucumber has a creator.

Who or what is so obsessed with what humans put into their bodies that it would create a vegetable to enable it? There is only one answer; the God of the Christian Bible. Sticking things into your bum is a major point of Christianity. It is the direst of sins and God is on the constant alert for it, He is utterly outraged by it and tests humanity for it relentlessly. Clearly cucumbers are created by God as a trap for any hidden self sodomites out there.

Game over Atheists.