Ask a taxidermist anything about animals

[Chester Longshire]

So there are a lot of questions here about animals and science.

Well, since the pseudo-scientist dawkins is allowed to shoot his mouth off about anything and everything under the sun because he is an "ethologist" than I think I have the right to do the same. You see, ethologist means an animal trainer, basically the guy is a lion-tamer in a suit speaking under the name of science.

This guy is too limp-wristed to actually get inside of an animal, and only deals with them once they have been trained to perform tricks. As a result, he can form any conclusion about them based on the the way they have been trained.

The real truth of the animal is on the inside.

No, animals don't have souls. No they don't have feelings.

When you skin an animal alive, it makes noises, but that doesn't mean it feels "pain."

God created animals for us to do whatever we want with.

Genesis 9:3 - Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you;


Also we have to remember that animals are violent little buggers and sometimes need to be put to death:

Exodus 21:28-36 - If an ox gore a man or a woman, that they die: then the ox shall be surely stoned, and his flesh shall not be eaten; but the owner of the ox [shall be] quit.


Animals are here to tame and to kill. We can use their carcasses for anything we like:

Luke 10:19 - Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.


Not only are some animals violent, many of them are evil and need to be annhiliated. Some of them are demon-possessed:


Mark 5:13 - And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand and were choked in the sea.


When the owners of an animal are evil, than the animals deserves death as well:


Jeremiah 21:6 - And I will smite the inhabitants of this city, both man and beast: they shall die of a great pestilence.


So next time you meet some hippy Peta(phile) queer at least you have your bible to teach them about what "rights" animals truly have.

[Basilissa]

Re: Ask a taxidermist anything about animals

Mr. Longshire, I have a question for you, since seem to be a taxidermist. I have a lovely bird feeder outside of my bedroom window. The birds look very nice in it, but they poop all over the place (including on the window), and they make way too much noise. Also, they fly away just as I approach to look at them.

I wonder if you could stuff for me a pair of cardinals, another of gold finches (in the summer plumage, the winter coat is too greyish), also a couple of house finches, a few sparrows, and maybe a blue jay and a dove? Having stuffed birds on the feeder will take care of the noise and poop, and I also won't have to buy all that black sunflower seeds anymore.

This is the bird feeder I'm taking about:



As you can see, it is hard to even take a decent picture of the birds, they move too fast!

By the way, do you also skin IRS folks? Just sayin'.... isn't that what a tax-a-dermist really does?

[Chester Longshire]

Re: Ask a taxidermist anything about animals

Mr. Longshire, I have a question for you, since seem to be a taxidermist. I have a lovely bird feeder outside of my bedroom window. The birds look very nice in it, but they poop all over the place (including on the window), and they make way too much noise. Also, they fly away just as I approach to look at them.

I wonder if you could stuff for me a pair of cardinals, another of gold finches (in the summer plumage, the winter coat is too greyish), also a couple of house finches, a few sparrows, and maybe a blue jay and a dove? Having stuffed birds on the feeder will take care of the noise and poop, and I also won't have to buy all that black sunflower seeds anymore.

This is the bird feeder I'm taking about:



As you can see, it is hard to even take a decent picture of the birds, they move too fast!

By the way, do you also skin IRS folks? Just sayin'.... isn't that what a tax-a-dermist really does?

Mr. B,

I would be more than happy to stuff you some decent looking wild fowl.

I think you will agree with me that animals are generally more beautiful and aesthetic dead than alive.

If you don't mind driving up to Northern Wisconsin, I can shoot you some birds off my front porch. I can also deliver them via fedex. I take visa or mastercard.

I am also experimenting with the injection of various chemical "cocktails" in order to make birds into "zombies." This way they can move about just enough to be interractive and entertaining but not annoying.

What I personally recommend for you if you want to take some decent photos of these beasts is to fill your birdfeeder with arsenic.

The birds will slowly drop to the ground, and will stop exibiting irritating motor functions. It is here when the greatest snapshots will be taken.

[Basilissa]

Re: Ask a taxidermist anything about animals

Mr. B,

Ehem, that would be... Miss....

I think you will agree with me that animals are generally more beautiful and aesthetic dead than alive.

I know, right? That's what I've been saying all along!

If you don't mind driving up to Northern Wisconsin, I can shoot you some birds off my front porch.

I guess I could take a field trip through the Upper Peninsula (I think that would be a shorter trip than driving through Chicago). It would be a good excuse to visit the Mackinac Island on the way back!

What I personally recommend for you if you want to take some decent photos of these beasts is to fill your birdfeeder with arsenic.

The birds will slowly drop to the ground, and will stop exibiting irritating motor functions. It is here when the greatest snapshots will be taken.

That's a lovely idea! I hope they won't be puking or defecating while in agony? That would be gross, to have them lying in their own puke and excrement!

[Chester Longshire]

Re: Ask a taxidermist anything about animals

Ehem, that would be... Miss....

I know, right? That's what I've been saying all along!

I guess I could take a field trip through the Upper Peninsula (I think that would be a shorter trip than driving through Chicago). It would be a good excuse to visit the Mackinac Island on the way back!

That's a lovely idea! I hope they won't be puking or defecating while in agony? That would be gross, to have them lying in their own puke and excrement!

Dear Mrs. B,


As a general rule I don't meet face to face with members of the weaker sex, especially ones without covered heads:
1 Corinthians 11:5




That being said, if your husband accompanies you, I would be more than happy to help you achieve your taxidermist dream.


Regarding the dead animals, they tend to act the same way as humans when they are poisoned, dissected, and stuffed. That being said, it can all be cleaned up with chlorine and bleach.

[Basilissa]

Re: Ask a taxidermist anything about animals

Dear Mrs. B,

Ehem, again... that would be Miss...

Regarding the dead animals, they tend to act the same way as humans when they are poisoned, dissected, and stuffed. That being said, it can all be cleaned up with chlorine and bleach.

I guess if I do it now, they will fall into the snow and the snow will help to clean them up a bit. Thank you so much for your guidance and advice!