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  • Pastor Al E Pistle
    Christ's Cōnsiliārius
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 9323
    #46
    Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

    Originally posted by Celtic View Post
    Ok, hold on a moment..

    Jesu, god, whichever one of you bothers to listen, I'm sorry for being a total atheist sinner who doesn't deserve squat. I accept Jesus as my personal savior, from all things homer-like, stupid and un-landover christian. Save meee! I really, really don't want to end up burning painfully.


    Uhh..Done?
    No. Now you start a tithing schedule. Minimum 30% of your GROSS income. If you are a student, we will issue you a student waiver until you finish school and get a job. Then your tithes will become retroactive and you can pay them backward to today at 80%, but first you have to pass a rather lengthy security investigation by the Department of Faith to make sure there are no sinners in your family, yea, even unto the tenth generation. So get a genealogy together.
    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


      Comment

      • Celtic
        Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
        • Oct 2007
        • 111
        #47
        Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

        Originally posted by SalvationSeeker View Post
        Since you're not serious and don't actually believe squat you write right now -
        No.

        You can't lie to God.

        xD I knew it was rather obvious. Anyways, I suppose I'll lurk and post randomly. Going onto deiantart,buh-bye for now.

          Comment

          • SalvationSeeker
            True Christian™ Theologian
            Forum Member
            • Sep 2006
            • 3892
            #48
            Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

            Originally posted by Celtic View Post
            xD I knew it was rather obvious. Anyways, I suppose I'll lurk and post randomly. Going onto deiantart,buh-bye for now.
            Seriously idiot, give Jesus an honest try. You won't regret it.
            You can start by hitting the PayPal button and show Jesus you love Him.
            If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
            A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
            Proverbs 9:12-13

              Comment

              • Celtic
                Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
                • Oct 2007
                • 111
                #49
                Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

                Originally posted by SalvationSeeker View Post
                Seriously idiot, give Jesus an honest try. You won't regret it.
                You can start by hitting the PayPal button and show Jesus you love Him.

                No thanks, I'd rather spen dmoney on rent and essential items. I'm suprised people actually tithe.

                  Comment

                  • SalvationSeeker
                    True Christian™ Theologian
                    Forum Member
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 3892
                    #50
                    Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

                    Originally posted by Celtic View Post
                    No thanks, I'd rather spen dmoney on rent and essential items. I'm suprised people actually tithe.
                    Essential items??
                    What could be more essential than SALVATION?

                    And you won't need to pay rent for a permanent dwelling in HELL..
                    Which is going to be your future home with the attitude you're displaying.
                    If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
                    A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
                    Proverbs 9:12-13

                      Comment

                      • Celtic
                        Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
                        • Oct 2007
                        • 111
                        #51
                        Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

                        Originally posted by SalvationSeeker View Post
                        Essential items??
                        What could be more essential than SALVATION?

                        And you won't need to pay rent for a permanent dwelling in HELL..
                        Which is going to be your future home with the attitude you're displaying.
                        Hun, I can't afford much really.

                          Comment

                          • Pastor Ezekiel
                            Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                             
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 78556
                            #52
                            Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

                            Originally posted by Celtic View Post
                            Hun, I can't afford much really.
                            In that case, Jesus commands that you tithe 100%.

                            Mark 12:41 And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much. Mark 12:42 And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing. Mark 12:43 And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury: Mark 12:44 For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.
                            Don't worry, He'll reward you 100 fold. Do it now, before He kills you.
                            Who Will Jesus Damn?

                            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                              Comment

                              • Celtic
                                Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
                                • Oct 2007
                                • 111
                                #53
                                Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

                                Originally posted by Celtic View Post
                                Hun, I can't afford much really. Just my daily dose of heroin.
                                Are you so bitter? I don't do drugs, and I'm almost certain you'll change this post.

                                  Comment

                                  • SalvationSeeker
                                    True Christian™ Theologian
                                    Forum Member
                                    • Sep 2006
                                    • 3892
                                    #54
                                    Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

                                    Originally posted by Celtic View Post
                                    Are you so bitter? I don't do drugs, and I'm almost certain you'll change this post.
                                    Friend, is there any reason that you reply to your own (strangely changed) quotes?
                                    If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
                                    A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
                                    Proverbs 9:12-13

                                      Comment

                                      • John Smith
                                        Unsaved trash
                                        • Nov 2006
                                        • 127
                                        #55
                                        Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

                                        i have become sick over this thread raul is becoming more and more agitated as i read from this site i have to read it because he is not bilingual though he is trying as hard as he can

                                        every religion has value and positive points that make them special to their followers people should not have to pay to follow their god

                                        raul says this site is racist
                                        this site should be removed because it offends those who choose to have alternative lifestyles and beliefs and that is wrong and discriminatory and i know discrimination when i see it

                                          Comment

                                          • Pastor Al E Pistle
                                            Christ's Cōnsiliārius
                                             
                                            • Sep 2006
                                            • 9323
                                            #56
                                            Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

                                            Originally posted by John Smith View Post
                                            i have become sick over this thread raul is becoming more and more agitated as i read from this site i have to read it because he is not bilingual though he is trying as hard as he can

                                            every religion has value and positive points that make them special to their followers people should not have to pay to follow their god

                                            raul says this site is racist
                                            LET GO OF RAUL'S BUTTOCKS, YOU HOMER! WHAT CATHOLIC LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPICKING TO HIM IN?
                                            Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                                            "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                                            Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                                              Comment

                                              • Celtic
                                                Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
                                                • Oct 2007
                                                • 111
                                                #57
                                                Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

                                                Originally posted by John Smith View Post
                                                i have become sick over this thread raul is becoming more and more agitated as i read from this site i have to read it because he is not bilingual though he is trying as hard as he can

                                                every religion has value and positive points that make them special to their followers people should not have to pay to follow their god

                                                raul says this site is racist


                                                I say this site is funny.

                                                  Comment

                                                  • Pastor Al E Pistle
                                                    Christ's Cōnsiliārius
                                                     
                                                    • Sep 2006
                                                    • 9323
                                                    #58
                                                    Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

                                                    Originally posted by Celtic View Post
                                                    I say this site is funny.
                                                    I don't suppose you will think it's all that funny when SATAN is using your backside as the on-ramp to the Demon Derby!
                                                    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                                                    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                                                    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                                                      Comment

                                                      • Celtic
                                                        Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
                                                        • Oct 2007
                                                        • 111
                                                        #59
                                                        Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

                                                        Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
                                                        I don't suppose you will think it's all that funny when SATAN is using your backside as the on-ramp to the Demon Derby!

                                                        I'll request being used as ground to be trampled on in polo.

                                                          Comment

                                                          • Buford T Scoggins
                                                            Founder, Operation Rescue, Now in Heaven with Jesus
                                                            True Christian™
                                                            • Aug 2007
                                                            • 911
                                                            #60
                                                            Re: What do you guys find wrong with people having different reli

                                                            Originally posted by Celtic View Post
                                                            No thanks, I'd rather spend money on rent and essential items. I'm surprised people actually tithe.

                                                            Tithing is an essential item too. Furthermore, it can be a good investment. It's done wonders for Haliburton.

                                                            Don't mess with Jesus,
                                                            Buford
                                                            yours in Christ,
                                                            Brother Buford

                                                            sigpic

                                                            The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.
                                                            - Rush Limbaugh

                                                              Comment

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