Landover deprogramming help!!!

[Dwayne DeKalb]

Listen. I have set up a de-programming camp. We can help you escape! if you want out contact me and we can make arrangements to get you out of this nightmare! There is help returning to a normal life.
Don't lose your friends and family forever. Escape now!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

What are you talking about friend? We have a good team of pastors who deprogram cult members like Moonies and Atheists.

[Dwayne DeKalb]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

And we're deprogramming landoverites! I almost didn't get out in time myself!

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

Listen, friend, to you it's "deprogramming" but to God it's simply leading people to SATAN! Ye dig a pit of FALSEHOODS!

Behold, he travaileth with iniquity, and hath conceived mischief, and brought forth falsehood.

He made a pit, and digged it, and is fallen into the ditch which he made. Psalm 7:14,15

As the man who denies the Lord is damned, how much more so the man who lures other men away from faith in the Lord? HOW MUCH MORE DAMNED ART THOU?

You may hide your foul intent behind the cloak of calm reason, of rationality, but the calm of your words is as the calm of VIPERS laying in the dust! How shall ye escape damnation, YE VIPER?

Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell? Matthew 23:33

Get you away! Go forth from our Godly church and pray to the Lord for forgiveness.

~~ OEJ

[Deaner]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

And we're deprogramming landoverites! I almost didn't get out in time myself!

You were way more fun when you were drinking Dwayne. At least then you were Christian. Now you've become some sorry human being blindly following deprogrammers and spewing crazy tales of wanting to "save us". You've become an idiot Dwayne.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

And we're deprogramming landoverites! I almost didn't get out in time myself!

You are wasting your time and effort. You are also encouraging members here to spit in the Face of God and condemn themselves to the Pits of Hell for all eternity. I can confidently state that there is not one True Christian, who will take your offer.

Nu:14:43: For the Amalekites and the Canaanites are there before you, and ye shall fall by the sword: because ye are turned away from the LORD, therefore the LORD will not be with you.

The Archives show that only one person ever left Landover other than by being Taken into the Bosom of The Lord. It was a couple of centuries ago, at the time of Rev. Pastor Gene Denton (Soulwinner & Christian), one, Brother Ahaziah Badeker, a True Christian™, decided that he would join the church of Rome. He was spoken to by Rev. Pastor Gene Denton in person and despite this and the whole congregation praying for him, he left.

He was next seen making his way towards St Mary Magdelene of The Bleeding Heart Church on the evening of 14th June. His charred body was found on a charred cross outside the bounds of Landover on the morning of 15th June. The inquest showed that this was a case of suicide* whilst the balance of the mind was disturbed. Terrible, indeed.

Landover marks the sad anniversary each year with a bonfire and upon which an effigy of Ex-Brother Ahaziah is thrown. Fireworks are sent towards heaven to guide his soul from the Pits of Hell, and a feast for the departed is served, often to the accompaniment of uplifting music.

*To the surprise of Landover Baptist Church a local catholic priest, one Timothy Martin, recently released from a penitentiary for buggery of a minor, attempted to bring charges of conspiracy to murder against Rev. Pastor Gene Denton. Before the Grand Jury, the judge, Brother Jehu Strongheart, threw out the charges on the ground that had The Pastor of Landover Baptist Church committed any offense, he would have disposed of the apostate with a sword (see verse above.) He then imprisoned Timothy Martin for life for Bearing False Witness.

[Dwayne DeKalb]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

Listen: Those who contacted me, I won't reply by e-mail like you said. Here's the deal.

Old Oak tree Bridge, North shore, at 2:00am.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!



DUH.
Short bus late to school today?

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

Listen: Those who contacted me, I won't reply by e-mail like you said. Here's the deal.

Old Oak tree Bridge, North shore, at 2:00am.

Old Oak Tree Bridge? That's that really rickety old one, isn't it? I heard lots of accidents happen there.

[JennyD]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

Brothers and Sisters, it is with a heavy heart that I report that I drove across the Old Oak Tree Bridge today at 2:45 PM and spotted a hooded figure swinging from the Old Oak Tree's stout branches.

At first, I thought perhaps another vicious pie thief had been caught, but then noticed that the figure's hands were white.

I fear that Mr. DeKalb has "deprogrammed" himself before we could help him find his way back to the Lord.


May I suggest that we confiscate Mr. DeKalb's camp and other properties, and begin the Dwayne DeKalb Deprogramming Center for Goths, Wiccans, and Emos in his memory? We could help those poor, unsaved wretches find Jesus instead of ending up like Mr. DeKalb, swinging in the breeze and then burning in the flames!

I have no doubt it's what he would have wanted.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

To the surprise of Landover Baptist Church a local catholic priest, one Timothy Martin, recently released from a penitentiary for buggery of a minor, attempted to bring charges of conspiracy to murder against Rev. Pastor Gene Denton. Before the Grand Jury, the judge, Brother Jehu Strongheart, threw out the charges on the ground that had The Pastor of Landover Baptist Church committed any offense, he would have disposed of the apostate with a sword (see verse above.) He then imprisoned Timothy Martin for life for Bearing False Witness.

That's the first case we read here at the Landover Christian Universty School of Law. It was a landmark decision, and one that the Bush Administration both fully endorses and uses to screen out undesirables when hiring career Justice Department officials and nominating federal Judges. Personally, while the verdict was clearly right, I thought Martin got off with a pretty light sentence--back then, God bless America, you could string a papist up for an offence like that.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

*To the surprise of Landover Baptist Church a local catholic priest, one Timothy Martin, recently released from a penitentiary for buggery of a minor, attempted to bring charges of conspiracy to murder against Rev. Pastor Gene Denton. Before the Grand Jury, the judge, Brother Jehu Strongheart, threw out the charges on the ground that had The Pastor of Landover Baptist Church committed any offense, he would have disposed of the apostate with a sword (see verse above.) He then imprisoned Timothy Martin for life for Bearing False Witness.

hmmm...That name sounds familiar. Do we have any "Martin" boy buggerers skulking about?

[Dr. Santiago Solo]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

hmmm...That name sounds familiar. Do we have any "Martin" boy buggerers skulking about?

Ohh, ask, me, ask me, I know, I know!!!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

Possibly a coincidence, we could do with the police looking into it. Is there anyone you know who would access records for us?

[toadspawn]

Re: Landover deprogramming help!!!

Listen. I have set up a de-programming camp. We can help you escape! if you want out contact me and we can make arrangements to get you out of this nightmare! There is help returning to a normal life.
Don't lose your friends and family forever. Escape now!

I would like to help any any one that wants to get out of this right wing suicide camp to so help is here if u need it