How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

[MisterM]

Brothers, I have a problem. We have (had) 17 years old cat, that we have used to keep rats and mice away from menstrual shack. It has been getting old and we have let it to stay with us in the house as reward of 17 years of vermin extermination. Yesterday evening something happened:

I was just finished teaching my wife not to spill my beer and was putting the rod in to the closet when I saw the cat trying to climb to the litter box. It didn't manage to climb there and then it just peed to our bathrooms floor! How did it dare to do that after my wife had spend whole morning cleaning the space between the tiles with toothbrush.

I really got angry and hit the cat with the rod, sending it flying. When it came down, it crapped on the floor! Something snapped in my head and I grabbed the cat from the neck and went to our garden shack, where I took some rope and one of the biggest rocket I had bought for the fireworks. I went to the backyard and tied the rocket under the cat with the rope, put the cat down and... Well, I can tell you that suddenly the cat was able to run and even climb to the tree ( which confirmed me that cat peed next to the litter box because it wanted to ). Anyway, after the bang, I could not find the cat anywhere and went back to house to finish my beer.

Today when I woke up, I was ashamed what I did. How can I tell the kids that the cat is gone? I know they will be disappointed, I had promised that they get to shoot the cat today

YiC, M

[Brother Enoch]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

No biggie. People give away kittens for free all the time. I feed a couple of dozen of them a week to my huskies. Get a few on Craigslist for your kids to shoot at.

[Brother_Percy]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

I'd just go for the honest non-nonsense approach -

"God sent your cat to Hell, buddy, and if you don't stop crying about it like a pathetic little sissy, he's gonna throw you into Hell too!"

Why sugarcoat it?

[James Hutchins]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

Your kids can still shoot at the cat, probably for a few hours unless they use a big bore or scatter gun. Just hang it from a tree limb and fire away.

Save those cat paws, they make terrific 'good luck' charms for the kiddies.

[MisterM]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

That you for your advices brothers. I told my kids, that shooting of the cat must wait and no arguing. I would have taken advice of James, but I couldn't find the cat. I think it somehow survived the blast and crawled somewhere to die (not under the porch I hope, there would be funny smell later).

Kids really wanted to shoot our Cat (we just called it Cat) after I gave them speech about how God wants us to stop wasting food on animal after they don't have any use, like Cat after it got too old to catch mice.

I could get them a few kittens for target practice, but it must wait until summer when we spend more time at our summer house.

By the way, the cat rocket made very interesting sound, maybe I should patent it

YiC, M

[Rejdarn]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

Brothers, I have a problem. We have (had) 17 years old cat, that we have used to keep rats and mice away from menstrual shack. It has been getting old and we have let it to stay with us in the house as reward of 17 years of vermin extermination. Yesterday evening something happened:

I was just finished teaching my wife not to spill my beer and was putting the rod in to the closet when I saw the cat trying to climb to the litter box. It didn't manage to climb there and then it just peed to our bathrooms floor! How did it dare to do that after my wife had spend whole morning cleaning the space between the tiles with toothbrush.

I really got angry and hit the cat with the rod, sending it flying. When it came down, it crapped on the floor! Something snapped in my head and I grabbed the cat from the neck and went to our garden shack, where I took some rope and one of the biggest rocket I had bought for the fireworks. I went to the backyard and tied the rocket under the cat with the rope, put the cat down and... Well, I can tell you that suddenly the cat was able to run and even climb to the tree ( which confirmed me that cat peed next to the litter box because it wanted to ). Anyway, after the bang, I could not find the cat anywhere and went back to house to finish my beer.

Today when I woke up, I was ashamed what I did. How can I tell the kids that the cat is gone? I know they will be disappointed, I had promised that they get to shoot the cat today

YiC, M

Sorry sir, but you have no place in heaven

[James Hutchins]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

That you for your advices brothers. I told my kids, that shooting of the cat must wait and no arguing. I would have taken advice of James, but I couldn't find the cat. I think it somehow survived the blast and crawled somewhere to die (not under the porch I hope, there would be funny smell later).

Kids really wanted to shoot our Cat (we just called it Cat) after I gave them speech about how God wants us to stop wasting food on animal after they don't have any use, like Cat after it got too old to catch mice.

I could get them a few kittens for target practice, but it must wait until summer when we spend more time at our summer house.

By the way, the cat rocket made very interesting sound, maybe I should patent it

YiC, M

If you tie a badger to a rope and let it go under the house, the badger will find the cat and clamp down on it. Then you can simply drag the two of them out with the rope. If you do not have a badger handy, you can use a mother in law, they work almost as well.
But no matter what method you use, there is going to be 'that smell'.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

Who cares? It was just a damned cat.

I wouldn't even mention it.

[Borislav]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

Children can shoot your wife if she is sinful, just wait. Beter than poor cat.

[Jetisr]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

Brothers, I have a problem. We have (had) 17 years old cat, that we have used to keep rats and mice away from menstrual shack. It has been getting old and we have let it to stay with us in the house as reward of 17 years of vermin extermination. Yesterday evening something happened:

I was just finished teaching my wife not to spill my beer and was putting the rod in to the closet when I saw the cat trying to climb to the litter box. It didn't manage to climb there and then it just peed to our bathrooms floor! How did it dare to do that after my wife had spend whole morning cleaning the space between the tiles with toothbrush.

I really got angry and hit the cat with the rod, sending it flying. When it came down, it crapped on the floor! Something snapped in my head and I grabbed the cat from the neck and went to our garden shack, where I took some rope and one of the biggest rocket I had bought for the fireworks. I went to the backyard and tied the rocket under the cat with the rope, put the cat down and... Well, I can tell you that suddenly the cat was able to run and even climb to the tree ( which confirmed me that cat peed next to the litter box because it wanted to ). Anyway, after the bang, I could not find the cat anywhere and went back to house to finish my beer.

Today when I woke up, I was ashamed what I did. How can I tell the kids that the cat is gone? I know they will be disappointed, I had promised that they get to shoot the cat today

YiC, M

You are a monster.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

You are a monster.

Like the monster demon cats you eskimos worship? Like that?

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

These unsaved fools don't know what a monster is.

But they will once Satan peels back his fiery foreskin and gets to work on them. Forever.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

If I had a cat and it died, I would probably just tell the kids that we were having Chinese for dinner that night, and make a party of it.

Doesn't everyone love General Meow's Kitten?

[MisterM]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

I solved the problem by visiting the local animal shelter and adopting three cats. I'm of course against unnecessary suffering and took older cats with some peeing problems. Woman at the shelter almost cried when she told how wonderful I'm taking the cat nobody else wants.

So we took the cats to my father-in-laws' farm and the kids got their shooting session. I had to tie the cats so children could first practice the shooting with air rifles. I can tell you that once they got a few pellet hits, they were really hard targets

Boys thought it was so much fun that they asked if I could get more cats for them. I promised that I will, but only if I find older and maybe sick cats. God has given us the animals on purpose and younger cats are good for farms to catch the mice etc.

YiC, M

[Alphonse Alban]

Re: How to tell kids that the Cat is not coming back?

You are a monster.

That is very perverted view you got there, Missy. We have a shining example of good father, and you call him monster for thinking his children first. Shame on you!