[James Hutchins]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Which all moved at the exact same speed as your average donkey, so not exactly feasible these days. The jet would kinda leave them behind, you know?

You make a perfect case for why our benevolent and humble Pastor needs a small, insignificant mode of transportation. Just think how many more wretched souls Jesus could of saved if He had had a G550? We need not to let the same mistake happen twice.

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on you!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Fortunately our Committee is nearing it goal for the Pastor Zeke's giant Airbus A 380. We're hoping we can wrap up the donations, order the aircraft and have it in the air before fake religions take over North Korea. There is recent news that Bible air drops over the country are bringing millions to Jesus. Pastor's Airbus could hold 500,000 Bibles and in a few missions could blanket the country.

The last thing we want is for Rev. Creflo Dollar to take credit for a Jesus victory in North Korea. It has to be saved, and will be saved, by our own Pastor Zeke.

Not Enough Bibles to Meet Growing Demand in North Korea; Group Aims to Send 100,000

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By Samuel Smith , CP Reporter | Oct 11, 2017 7:36 AM

(PHOTO: REUTERS/DAMIR SAGOLJ)

A North Korean soldier guards the gate on banks of the Yalu River, north of Sinuiju, North Korea, April 1, 2017.The United States-based Christian humanitarian aid organization World Help has launched a donation drive aiming to secretly provide 100,000 new Bibles to underground North Korean worshipers by the end of 2017 in order to feed an insatiable demand for God's Word in the isolated and oppressive nation.
As North Korea has been ranked for the past 16 years as the worst persecutor of Christians in the world, World Help is now taking steps to ensure that the growing number of house churches in North Korea have Bibles to feed their spiritual "hunger."
World Help President Vernon Brewer told reporters on a conference call Monday night that he recently traveled to the North Korean border and met with missionary partners who bring Bibles into the country.

"There are never enough Bibles no matter how many we can print and smuggle into the country. There are never enough bibles to keep up with demand," Brewer explained. "Right now there are North Korean believers who have never even held a Bible, let alone other Christian resources. They may have a few verses memorized or a few chapters from the New Testament scribbled on a piece of paper, but they are hungry for more."

[GaleWhoring the Boring (On Moderation)]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Mayor, I need the goddam jet NOW! Pronto! Do you even know the low-quality transport that I have to take to keep up with my many duties in the Trump administration? Do you? I have to lease the Emirates Executive Jet on a daily basis and that is taking its toll even on my physique. The décor is to put it mildly - tacky.



Top left: My leased lounge. As you can see, absolutely no privacy, the servants messing around in their seats. I just might press the red button by mistake when I'm irritated by their Tagalog or Malay gossip.
Top right: My leased dinner table. The screen, as you can see, is minuscule.
Lower left: My leased corridor is lit with the sickly blue glare and the seats for my houseboys are in plain sight.
Lower right: My leased bedroom. Extremely cramped. How are my houseboys gonna service me if they can't even get around the bed.

I'm dealing with this every single freaking day! You also know that I and the Donald have to take separate planes in case Jesus decides to pick one of us to advice Him about the Tribulations. Even the Prophets are mocking me. Me!

Maybe you should just take the houseboys to bed, Mr. Ezekiel. Just make it easier for everyone, they already know probably.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Pastor Zeke:

I'm not saying this actually happened, but what if you heard the money will soon be there for your airplane?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Where's the jet? I can see no jet! Where is it! It was my birthday and not the first one that failed to see the DELIVERY of the jet! Explain this pronto! Capische?

You have a perfect right to be frustrated, Pastor Zeke. The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee is closing in on a buy. We are more confident by the day that the Airbus, capable of carrying substantial currency and other material you need for your crusades will be ready for the next Pastor Zeke World Tour.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Dear Committee:


Pursuant to the Landover Baptist Church Transparency in Funds rule that was signed by Pastor Ezekiel Flint and several other esteemed leaders of this Church, I call upon the Committee to forthwith and speedily provide the Congregation with the following information:


1. How much the Committee has collected to this day.
2. How much of those funds remain in the possession of the Church Bank.
3. When and by whom was the order for the airplane placed.
4. What deposit has been paid and what balance remains.
5. I also demand an independent audit of the Church finances to include the salary of Pastor Ezekiel (as again provided for in the Transparency in Funds Rule), and ANY and ALL donations to the Church over the past five years.


A copy of this letter has been sent to the Attorney General of the State of Iowa and the Baptist Convention offices.


Have a super sparkly day!
BrotherLarry


PS: This letter is intended to prove to the doubters that the Church is indeed honest and sacrosanct in its obligations to the congregation and is not to be seen as accusatory in any way.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

And by the way, Mr. Mayor:


YOU wrote this rule, sharing it with Pastor Zeke and getting his approval during your last campaign for mayor of halcyon Freehold. I know, therefore, you'll only be too happy to put it to use for the first time in its existence. Glory!


BrotherLarry

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

I might also add that I will be proud to spread the news when I hear about how close we are to purchasing this airplane. I think other ministries will be so envious, sending them to hell for the sin of covetousness. Glory!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Dear Committee:
Pursuant to the Landover Baptist Church Transparency in Funds rule that was signed by Pastor Ezekiel Flint and several other esteemed leaders of this Church, I call upon the Committee to forthwith and speedily provide the Congregation with the following information:

1. How much the Committee has collected to this day.
2. How much of those funds remain in the possession of the Church Bank.
3. When and by whom was the order for the airplane placed.
4. What deposit has been paid and what balance remains.
5. I also demand an independent audit of the Church finances to include the salary of Pastor Ezekiel (as again provided for in the Transparency in Funds Rule), and ANY and ALL donations to the Church over the past five years.

A copy of this letter has been sent to the Attorney General of the State of Iowa and the Baptist Convention offices.

Have a super sparkly day!
BrotherLarry

PS: This letter is intended to prove to the doubters that the Church is indeed honest and sacrosanct in its obligations to the congregation and is not to be seen as accusatory in any way.

Thank you, Brother Larry, for those good questions about financial matters surrounding Pastor Zeke's airplane. The Committee has authorized me to say the following:

There are certain matters surrounding the money collected for the Pastor's airplane that are under review. The Committee can share some preliminary information. It is that the amount currently held in the Airbus account is not exactly equal to that which has been collected. Whether the amount of money in the account is more than what was collected or less the Committee is reluctant to divulge at this time.

With financial transparency always the Committee's goal I am happy to share this information and hope it answers your questions.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor and Chairman, New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Brother Mr. Mayor/Mr. Chairman:

Already, the doubting Thomases are likely squirming in their sinful boots. Your prompt and kind reply shows your dedication to thwarting rumors about misappropriation (their words, not mine) and other illegal activities. Jesus whispers in my ear that all is well. Glory!

However, if you would just indulge me for another moment, the Transparency Rule states that specific numbers are able to be given to anyone seeking information about any financial matter that affects donations of any kind from the public.

I'm curious, then, why the committee would be "reluctant" to give me further details. Once again, I am beyond certain their reasons are lofty and pleasing to Jesus.

Yours in Him Who Sees All,
BrotherLarry

[Elmer G. White]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Dearest Brother Mayor,

I have hitherto contributed quite substantially to this project. In addition to brainstorming, I have allocated considerable funds to help our Pastor gain new souls, as follows:

Brother Jim,

In addition to my contributions in the design of this vehicle I'm happy to tell you that I've transferred $1320 for this fundraiser. From now on me and my family shall also be preaching on Sundays at a local charity where they distribute food aid.

Luke 21:2-3
And he saw also a certain poor widow casting in thither two mites. And he said, Of a truth I say unto you, that this poor widow hath cast in more than they all:

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

Moreover, the charity where I continue to eathelp with my family raised quite a few dollars, not a small feat considering that these offerings were provided by white trash, as follows:

Brother Jim,

Great news! I am happy to tell you that the people at the Charity and the nearby streets donated a total of $213.87 last Sunday. Our family will be visiting this charity regularly for the time being and I'm quite sure that additional donations will be forthcoming.

1 Timothy 1:5
Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

Please remember that these tithes are most precious to Jesus!

Mark 12:43-44
And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury: For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.

There are certain matters surrounding the money collected for the Pastor's airplane that are under review. The Committee can share some preliminary information. It is that the amount currently held in the Airbus account is not exactly equal to that which has been collected. Whether the amount of money in the account is more than what was collected or less the Committee is reluctant to divulge at this time.

Based on this, and considering that Brother Farmer's whereabouts are mysterious to say the least, Mr. Mayor, I would highly appreciate if I were able to check on the notes and coins that I contributed, just to see that they are safe and will be used only to the purpose intended. I am looking forward to visiting the LBC vault to see my money.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

My husband has asked me to point out that it is now MORE THAN THREE YEARS!!!! since he asked to have the funds in his STA released. The office seems unable to get anything done since Mistress Cookie so mysteriously "left", and some of the new staff barely speak American but just gibber among themselves in what sounds like monkey-language.

Could one of our people have a word with the FBI or whoever it is that deals with these matters and get my husband's STA (Supplementary Tithing Account) unfrozen? They are making a lot of fuss about nothing, there was no question of the money having been in the laundry and it has never been used for any purpose other than what it says on the account. As for where he got it from, half was from Liechtenstein and the other half from Belize.

Once this is sorted out, Matthew will be more than happy to cough up his share.

So Matthew's share hasn't been transferred yet and really, you know, this is starting to look like a good thing. What is going on?


Proverbs 20:17 - Bread of deceit is sweet to a man; but afterwards his mouth shall be filled with gravel.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Brother Mr. Mayor/Mr. Chairman:
Already, the doubting Thomases are likely squirming in their sinful boots. Your prompt and kind reply shows your dedication to thwarting rumors about misappropriation (their words, not mine) and other illegal activities. Jesus whispers in my ear that all is well. Glory!

However, if you would just indulge me for another moment, the Transparency Rule states that specific numbers are able to be given to anyone seeking information about any financial matter that affects donations of any kind from the public.

I'm curious, then, why the committee would be "reluctant" to give me further details. Once again, I am beyond certain their reasons are lofty and pleasing to Jesus.

BrotherLarry

Thank you, Brother Larry, for that second request. I am pleased to reply that the Committee is in complete agreement with the principle of transparency. Abundant information is now available as I will explain.

I've been authorized to reveal that, as you have suspected, there is less money in the fund than has been collected. In fact, the amount of money not present is close to one million dollars.

The Committee was approached by a well known group, known around the world in fact, requesting a one million dollar loan. An interest rate of 10% was offered.

The Committee first went into prayer to consider the matter. Then it dug into the creditworthiness of the borrowing party with vengeance. First, we determined the group was made up of Christians. Second, we double checked the Republican credentials. To be sure, a loan of this size would not have been made to an atheist liberal groups of any kind.

The promise was to repay in six months when the group said it would be awash in money. That was one and one-half years ago so repayment is a year late at this point.

Rest assured, however, the group remains a Christian one with power Republican credentials. This tells us the money will be repaid with interest.

Thank you again for your inquiry. As you can see from the information the Committee has provided the $1 million is secure and will, shortly we are certain, be returned to the Pastor Zeke jet airplane fund.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

My husband has asked me to point out that it is now MORE THAN THREE YEARS!!!! since he asked to have the funds in his STA released. The office seems unable to get anything done since Mistress Cookie so mysteriously "left", and some of the new staff barely speak American but just gibber among themselves in what sounds like monkey-language.
So Matthew's share hasn't been transferred yet and really, you know, this is starting to look like a good thing. What is going on?
Proverbs 20:17 - Bread of deceit is sweet to a man; but afterwards his mouth shall be filled with gravel.

Thank you, Sister Joanna, for reminding us of Mistress Cookie's mysterious disappearance. Missing money and a missing person does introduce suspicion.

The $1 million shortfall is fully explained, however, and will shortly be returned to the fund for Pastor Zeke's new jet. When we loan to a Christian and Republican group we know a loan will be repaid.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee.

Dearest Brother Mayor,

I have hitherto contributed quite substantially to this project. In addition to brainstorming, I have allocated considerable funds to help our Pastor gain new souls, as follows:
Moreover, the charity where I continue to eathelp with my family raised quite a few dollars, not a small feat considering that these offerings were provided by white trash, as follows:

Please remember that these tithes are most precious to Jesus!

Based on this, and considering that Brother Farmer's whereabouts are mysterious to say the least, Mr. Mayor, I would highly appreciate if I were able to check on the notes and coins that I contributed, just to see that they are safe and will be used only to the purpose intended. I am looking forward to visiting the LBC vault to see my money.
Elmer

Brother Elmer--Thank you for that most timely request. In keeping with the Committee's promise of complete transparency your application to inspect the vault is been turned over to the Security Subcommittee for consideration.

The mysterious disappearance of Brother Farmer is most suspicious. I assure you, however, the current outstanding loan of $1 million was made to honorable people and will be repaid shortly we believe.