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  • Daisy Mae Johnson
    The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
    Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
    aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 15708

    #1

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother White!





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  • James Hutchins
    True Christian™
    Just a Regular Nice Guy
     
    • Jun 2009
    • 29453

    #2
    Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother White!

    My deepest regrets Elmer than God has not seen fit to scoop you off the face of His Green Earth and set you down upon His outstretched Right Hand of Justice.
    I have little doubt that your day will come when He will cradle your Love.
    Until then, please keep a look out for the case of Glenfiddich I sent. Not sure why there are no tax stamps on the caps. In your honor, I sent a case to Pastor Ezekeil too.
    Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
    Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
    Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
    Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
    Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
    Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

    Comment

    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78556

      #3
      Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother White!

      Happy Birthday, Brother White. Please don't forget to send over your robust and generous Love Offering. Pastor still needs a new plane you know!
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

      Comment

      • Mary Etheldreda
        Gushing for Jesus
         
        • Sep 2011
        • 23775

        #4
        Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother White!

        A most Blessed Birthday to you, Brother Elmer!
        Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

        Comment

        • Basilissa
          South of the Border outreach program
          True Christian™
           
          • Mar 2013
          • 12993

          #5
          Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother White!

          Happy Birthday, Brother Elmer!

          God created fossils to test our faith.

          * * *

          My favorite LBC sermons:
          True Christians are Perfect!
          True Christian™ Love.
          Salvation™ made Easy!
          You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
          Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
          Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
          Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
          Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
          The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
          Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
          God HATES Rational Thinking!
          True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

          Comment

          • Jim Farmer
            True Christian™
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2014
            • 2293

            #6
            Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother White!

            Brother Elmer, I have gifted all my worldly goods to Landover Baptist Church in the expectation that rapture would have already occurred. Hence, I have nothing left to buy you a gift. Please accept my apologies. - Jim.
            sigpic

            Comment

            • Elmer G. White
              Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
              Victim of atheist scientific persecution
               
              • Apr 2014
              • 10281

              #7
              Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother White!

              Thank you, Brethren for your kind words. It is indeed a burden to remain here on earth in expectation of Rapture. Still, I am convinced that this was my last birthday and by next year we'll be consuming the delicacies of the heavenly Banquet! While we are still chained here and surrounded by sinners, the End of Times is getting closer by the minute! GLORY!

              2 Corinthians 5:4
              For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life.



              I have also extremely good news. Yesterday I was having lunch with my family as always at the local charity with the homeless and my sons begged asked for donations for our Pastor's new jet. I am happy to tell you that the amount exceeded all my expectations and I am honored to send an additional 251.32$ for Pastor Ezekiel's Jet Committee!




              Yours in Christ,

              Elmer
              2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



              PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
              Check out our Research in Creation Science:

              Comment

              • Dr Laurence Niles
                Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
                 
                • Jan 2012
                • 9063

                #8
                Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother White!

                Brother, it saddens my heart to see that Jesus has not yet taken you to His divine bosom in just the same way that He has called those young babies in Africa.

                I've lost count of all the ways Jesus uses His love in myriad forms such as: Birth asphyxia, failure to initiate and sustain breathing at birth, which accounts for about a quarter of all newborn deaths across the world!

                Pneumonia, the prime cause of death in children under five.

                Pre-term birth complications– pre-term birth is rising in most countries, and is now the second leading cause of death globally for children under five, after pneumonia.

                Malaria, which kills one child every minute.

                Measles, which is a leading cause of childhood mortality.

                Malnutrition, which makes children more vulnerable to severe diseases, is an underlying factor in about one-third of all child deaths.

                If Jesus (who is love) can call these little darlings to His side in droves every day I can only conclude you will be on His list in no time at all.

                YIC
                1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

                Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

                Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

                Comment

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