Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

[Faith_Machine]

The girl who helps me with my mail apparently is an idiot, as I only just now have discovered a precious, precious thing which had been mailed to me. Unfortunately, it is not in its original envelope, and the needs checklist that must have come with it is nowhere to be found.

Friends, what this amazing thing is, is a "prayer rug" with the face of our Lord on it. Well, it's actually a piece of pager with graphic design to make it look like a rug, but never mind.

I am posting scans of the front and back of this miraculous object in the hope that somebody here will recognize it and be able to tell me where I'm supposed to send it back to.

In case you can't read the text underneath Jesus' portrait, it says:

Look into Jesus' Eyes you will see they are closed. But as you continue to look you will see His eyes opening and looking back into your eyes. Then go and be alone and kneel on this Rug of Faith or touch it to both knees. Then please check your needs on our letter to you. Please return this Prayer Rug. Do not keep it.

And then, as you can see, the instructions on the back say I have to return this item with my prayer needs checked off.

I have placed my knees on this rug, just as the instructions dictated, and I have also spent several hours staring into Jesus' eyes, and I feel certain God's got some miracles in store for me, but I just don't want to let Him down by failing to return this prayer rug.

Please, if anybody knows the address I need to send it to, let me know ASAP!

[Brother D. Thomas]

Re: Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

Faith_Machine,

Prayer rugs has a connotation of Mooooooslims using them five times a day for their primitive Salat as they face East
in prayer to their camel-humping Allah God. Personally, I would keep it out of sight so as not to be equated with the Hell bound Mooooooslim faith!




In the name of the hung Savior,

Brother D. Thomas


__________________________________________________ _



When on the road for Jesus driving my Salvation Bus, I have always taken a missionary position with women
by spreading the true gospel of Jesus Christ relative to their second class status at best in the godly scheme of things.
Also of interest to Jesus is my Greyhound Bus Depot Ministries and the ever so popular Nevada State Brothel Ministries.

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is man.
For the man is not of the women; but the woman of the man.” (1Corinthians 11: 3,8)

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” (Proverbs 21:19)

[Russell Holbeck]

Re: Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

Hello Faith_Machine.

I received one of these in the mail and I looked at it for a long time but I did not see the eyes of Jesus appear also I could not use it to touch both of my knees at the same time I have some flexibility problems after my wife died it was my fault.

I got a Sharpie marker and made some eyes on the prayer rug it is not really a rug it is a piece of paper now it looks scary like Brian Peppers he died but it was not my fault.

Thank you.

Rusty

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

Of course it wasn't your fault, Rusty! Both times. Sometimes, it's just somebody's time to be called home to the Lord. We can't possibly expect to know why.


Regarding this rug, yes, I will admit it felt strange putting my knees on Jesus' face.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

But more importantly, Rusty, can you tell me who sent you the rug? That's probably who I need to send mine back to. With the prayer needs checklist, of course.

[Brother D. Thomas]

Re: Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

Faith_Machine,

"Regarding this rug, yes, I will admit it felt strange putting my knees on Jesus' face." Uh, hopefully you weren't wearing a dress so as to expose yourself to our Lord.

"And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:13)

In the name of the hung Savior,

Brother D. Thomas


__________________________________________________ _



When on the road for Jesus driving my Salvation Bus, I have always taken a missionary position with women
by spreading the true gospel of Jesus Christ relative to their second class status in the godly scheme of things.
Also of interest to Jesus is my Greyhound Bus Depot Ministries and the ever so popular, Nevada State Brothel Ministries.

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is man.
For the man is not of the women; but the woman of the man.” (1Corinthians 11: 3,8)

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” (Proverbs 21:19)

[Basilissa]

Re: Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

Faith_Machine,

"Regarding this rug, yes, I will admit it felt strange putting my knees on Jesus' face." Uh, hopefully you weren't wearing a dress so as to expose yourself to our Lord.

Who do you think Brother Faith Machine is, dear? I mean, he is not the most perfect of the True Christians, for sure, but he is NOT some kind of a filthy transvestite!

[Brother D. Thomas]

Re: Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

Basilissa,


Using the term of "putting your knees upon Jesus' face" implies a sexual connotation, therefore I assumed FM was a "she." Finding out that FM is a "he" makes it even more disturbing.


In the name of the hung Savior,

Brother D. Thomas

__________________________________________________ _



When on the road for Jesus driving my Salvation Bus, I have always taken a missionary position with women
by spreading the true gospel of Jesus Christ relative to their second class status in the godly scheme of things.
Also of interest to Jesus is my Greyhound Bus Depot Ministries and the ever so popular, Nevada State Brothel Ministries.

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is man.
For the man is not of the women; but the woman of the man.” (1Corinthians 11: 3,8)

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” (Proverbs 21:19)

[Basilissa]

Re: Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

Basilissa,


Using the term of "putting your knees upon Jesus' face" implies a sexual connotation, therefore I assumed FM was a "she." Finding out that FM is a "he" makes it even more disturbing.

From the opening post:

Then go and be alone and kneel on this Rug of Faith or touch it to both knees.

Only a dirty mind would think that this means something dirty.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

Brother Faith Machine,

I was initially quite skeptical about this device. After all, my prayers have been answered during conventional kneeling and prostrating before Jesus. But as a Creation Scientist I felt it was my duty to be unbiased and make a quick research project of this.

What I found was most promising!



This is powerful evidence for the power of prayer but we cannot exclude the possibility that this rug could have practical and financially beneficial applications. Of course, God decides but it is we who have to ask.

Deuteronomy 8:18
But thou shalt remember the LORD thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth, that he may establish his covenant which he sware unto thy fathers, as it is this day.

If this rug helps us to remember the LORD then He might give us the wealth we need to convert atheists. A win-win situation. Let us not be too hasty to condemn this device!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

hopefully you weren't wearing a dress so as to expose yourself to our Lord.

Oh my goodness!

Using the term of "putting your knees upon Jesus' face" implies a sexual connotation, therefore I assumed FM was a "she." Finding out that FM is a "he" makes it even more disturbing.

OH my goodness, what is going on here!?


Where are you getting these crazy ideas?


Please get your gender-bending mind out of the gutter!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

Wouldn't it be awesome if we could make up a "Pastor Ezekiel Prayer Rug"??

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please help! Who sent me this miraculous PRAYER RUG?

Wouldn't it be awesome if we could make up a "Pastor Ezekiel Prayer Rug"??

That is a truly capital idea, Pastor. Why, if I had a Pastor Zeke prayer rug, you can rest assured it would be soaked with prayer on a daily basis. Sometimes more than once a day!