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  • Daisy Mae Johnson
    The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
    Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
    aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 15708
    #1

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Cranky!




    I hope you have a fabulous day!








    sigpic

    Tweet me Here
    My GODLY Bio Here
    Tags: None
    • Alvin Moss
      Serving Jesus
      True Christian™
      • Aug 2013
      • 4468
      #2
      Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Cranky!

      Praise God for another year in His service and hurry the day you are called up to Heaven!
      God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11

        Comment

        • Elmer G. White
          Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
          Victim of atheist scientific persecution
           
          • Apr 2014
          • 10275
          #3
          Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Cranky!

          Dear Elder Brother,

          You must be annoyed by still not waking up in Heaven beside Jesus. Please be reassured. The Bible tells us that the next year of your life will be the last one on this repulsive Earth!



          Psalms 90:10
          The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.




          Yours in Christ,

          Elmer
          2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



          PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
          Check out our Research in Creation Science:

            Comment

            • Mary Etheldreda
              Gushing for Jesus
               
              • Sep 2011
              • 23775
              #4
              Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Cranky!

              A Blessed Birthday to you, Brother in Christ. May Jesus come for you soon.
              Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                Comment

                • Cranky Old Man
                  Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                  You kids get off his lawn!
                   
                  • Jan 2010
                  • 22378
                  #5
                  Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Cranky!

                  Originally posted by Elmer G. White View Post
                  You must be annoyed by still not waking up in Heaven beside Jesus.
                  It does indeed. I am 79 now and I would like to die one of these days. Apparently Jesus still want's me to show people His love. I must be too kind and tender to die.

                  On a slightly related matter, my birthday this year is bring your own cake, booze and food. I also need a new shovel. I broke the last one on our mailman. He got this ridiculous notion that I was going to pay him for some package my wife ordered on the Internet. My wife doesn't even have Internet. My age is starting to show though, I have no idea where that package went. My wife made a very beautiful dress from scratch which she will wear for my birthday.
                  5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                  To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                  James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                    Comment

                    • Ezekiel Bathfire
                      Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                      Christ's Rottweiler
                       
                      • Jan 2008
                      • 22898
                      #6
                      Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Cranky!

                      It is when you reach old age that you are entitled to say "Things were like that in my day - we didn't have <insert a selection of abominations> back then." - and you simply know it is true and anyone who argues is an idiot, a heretic or a Catlick.

                      But not only that, you can tell them how bad it was back in the old days - no food, no clothes, no money - yet your character was forged in that life, and I'm sure it has done you no harm.

                      PS: Any thoughts yet as to what you want written on your gravestone?
                      sigpic


                      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                      Author of such illuminating essays as,
                      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                        Comment

                        • Cranky Old Man
                          Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                          You kids get off his lawn!
                           
                          • Jan 2010
                          • 22378
                          #7
                          Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Cranky!

                          Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                          PS: Any thoughts yet as to what you want written on your gravestone?
                          Of course. I am ready for when Jesus finally kills me.

                          5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                          To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                          James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                            Comment

                            • Joanna Lytton-Vasey
                              True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
                               
                              • Jul 2014
                              • 8418
                              #8
                              Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Cranky!

                              Oh my goodness, that is lovely, Brother Cranky. So understated and tasteful. Did you design it yourself?

                              I'm sorry to be late to the party, but I'd like to extend warmest birthday wishes from all of us here. Although you have exceeded your allotted time by some 9 years (Psalm 90:10), I feel confident that you are still here for a purpose. Perhaps has decided that, come the Rapture, He will have need of your organisational skills and your deep compassion?


                              YiC
                              Joanna
                              Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

                                Comment

                                • Cranky Old Man
                                  Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                                  You kids get off his lawn!
                                   
                                  • Jan 2010
                                  • 22378
                                  #9
                                  Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Cranky!

                                  Originally posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
                                  Did you design it yourself?
                                  No, my wife did. She said it made her very happy.

                                  I'm sorry to be late to the party
                                  You're a woman. Paying attention just isn't your thing.
                                  5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                                  To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                                  James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                                    Comment

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