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  • Elmer G. White
    Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
    Victim of atheist scientific persecution
     
    • Apr 2014
    • 10289
    #1

    Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth!

    Happy Birthday, young Brother in Christ!

    As it is highly likely that by your next birthday we'll all be Heaven, I figured that most presents would be quite superfluous. However, I sent you a nice handkerchief (Revelation 21:4) to take with you for God our Father come Rapture (1 Thessalonians 4:17).



    Moreover, as you are one of the absolute favorites of Jesus, please keep us in mind and allow us to visit you sometimes by the Feet of Our Lord during the eons to come!



    The picture above shows you with Jesus (in a metaphorical way).




    Yours in Christ,

    Elmer
    2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



    PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
    Check out our Research in Creation Science:
    Tags: None
    • I Man Rastafari
      Possibly retarded pothead
      • Oct 2015
      • 1019
      #2
      Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth!

      Happy Birthday to you Zechariah Smyth. I always celebrate the birthdays of my white friends. I will fire up a large spliff shortly in your honor.
      Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4

        Comment

        • Basilissa
          South of the Border outreach program
          True Christian™
           
          • Mar 2013
          • 12997
          #3
          Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth!

          Very, very Happy Birthday to you, Brother!

          God created fossils to test our faith.

          * * *

          My favorite LBC sermons:
          True Christians are Perfect!
          True Christian™ Love.
          Salvation™ made Easy!
          You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
          Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
          Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
           Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
          Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
          The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
          Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
          God HATES Rational Thinking!
          True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

            Comment

            • Mary Etheldreda
              Gushing for Jesus
               
              • Sep 2011
              • 23775
              #4
              Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth!

              Happy Birthday, dear Brother in Christ!
              Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                Comment

                • Joanna Lytton-Vasey
                  True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
                   
                  • Jul 2014
                  • 8457
                  #5
                  Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth!

                  Happy Birthday, Brother Zechariah. Another year closer to the welcoming embrace of Jesus.

                  Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

                    Comment

                    • BrotherLarry
                      Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2014
                      • 2266
                      #6
                      Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth!

                      A very blessed birthday, Brother Smyth. Your service to our LORD is most inspiring and such a testament to what a True Christian(TM) man should aspire. May I be even half as faithful to GOD as you've been in this life. As you draw nearer to the day when all your organs cease to function and you feel the mighty Hand of Jesus as he places you on His Lap, may you always enjoy His richest rewards - both here and in Glory.
                      Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
                      “The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

                      Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
                      Amen and Amen

                        Comment

                        • handmaiden
                          Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
                          True Christian™
                          • May 2010
                          • 11639
                          #7
                          Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth!

                          Birthday Greetings, good sir. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May you enjoy all His loving kindness and suffer none of His wrath-- which, we know--is considerable.






                          Obsequiously Yours,


                          Handmaiden



                          P.S. See that fellow there, with the large cross dangling around his neck? You just know he's a mighty surprised Catholic.
                          His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

                          Guns For God and the Economy

                            Comment

                            • Zechariah Smyth
                              Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
                              True Christian™
                              • Feb 2011
                              • 15251
                              #8
                              Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth!

                              Thank you one and all!



                              I love it when my birthday falls on a Sunday so that I can start the day with a nice long church service, what more can a man ask for?

                              I mean, other than the utter destruction of the Islamic scumbags who made my birthday a symbol of cowardly middle eastern terrorism.



                              YiC,

                              Zech
                              sigpic

                                Comment

                                • Roland
                                  Obese Swedish Meatball
                                  Delusional Forum Member
                                  • May 2014
                                  • 2193
                                  #9
                                  Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth!

                                  Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
                                  [...] what more can a man ask for?
                                  [...]
                                  Hi Zach,

                                  Would this be an answer?


                                  Happy birthday and kind regards,

                                  Roland
                                  Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

                                  Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.

                                    Comment

                                    • Daisy Mae Johnson
                                      The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
                                      Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
                                      aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Sep 2006
                                      • 15708
                                      #10
                                      Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth!









                                      sigpic

                                      Tweet me Here
                                      My GODLY Bio Here

                                        Comment

                                        • Faith_Machine
                                          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                                          True Christian™
                                          • Mar 2011
                                          • 10050
                                          #11
                                          Re: Happy Birthday, Zechariah Smyth!

                                          Zecharia, please don't open the package Amazon Prime delivers to your home tomorrow. There was a mixup, and I accidentally had your DJI Phantom II drone delivered to the home of a lady I've been courting.

                                          Her gift, which is very romantic, and not at all inappropriate, is on its way to your place. Please mark "return to sender" and DO NOT OPEN IT.
                                          WARNING:
                                          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                                          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                                            Comment

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