Reports from South America

[BrotherLarry]

What an amazing journey it's been so far. The only snag so far has been when the rental car agency tried to give me a tiny little economy car instead of the four-wheel drive I reserved, but by speaking very loudly I was able to communicate with the messican who was behind the counter. "EL JEEPO! EL JEEPO!" I kept yelling. The manager emerged from behind a door to see what the commotion was, and I said, "No cheapo! no cheapo! JEEPO! JEEPO!" He said, "Your reservation was for an economy vehicle, sir."

Wow - he spoke American! I was so relieved. When I showed him the reservation record on my phone, he apologized and gave us the Jeep for the same price and even threw in a GPS unit for free. He was rambling on about certain areas to avoid but I just shrugged and told him I had God on my side. What could possibly go wrong?

We are all doing fine and I encourage the others in our happy band of Christian men to post here to keep the congregation informed of our successes! SOUTH AMERICA FOR CHRIST! Hallelujah!

We are parking the Jeep today and doing a walking tour of Callao, where we hope to bring several men to their knees. We've filled up several water bottles from our tap rather than paying outrageous prices for bottled water.

Tommy was speaking with a man this morning who offered us a tour tomorrow for less than $10 USD in his unmarked taxi - for the whole day! I am not sure if we'll do that or not because we need to see what the day brings us. But again, I'll let the other men speak for themselves. Keep us in prayer!

And my dear friend Basilissa: I think so far we're doing just fine on our own. You wouldn't want to be around all of us guys, talking guy talk and doing guy things, even if it is in the spirit of saving souls.

I can't wait to get pictures of the locals, especially the uniformed police. So much to do - so little time! Des taught me how to say "Stand stillo for the photo, puto!" in a loud voice, which I understand they really appreciate.

BrotherLarry

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Reports from South America

I do not believe it is a good idea for white people to go to South America because it is full of Columbians and Venezuelans. They are very violent and they like to shoot people. Even in Jamaica which is my home we do not like to see them because you never know what they will do. When I was a young boy the Columbians and the Shower Posse used to have a shootout every morning. People from South America are very racist against Black people and they do not like white people either. I do not think you should go there because they will shoot you if they can.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Reports from South America

Try not to fret, Trevor. For (Proverbs 25:26) a righteous man falling down before the wicked is as a troubled fountain, and a corrupt spring. And this is not going to happen to Brother Larry and his team, who are armed with both righteousness and state-of-the-art automatic weaponry.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Reports from South America

I hope you brought nylons for the ladies and Marlboros for the men. I understand those things are like gold to these people.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Reports from South America

Just to let everyone know, we're all fine.
I think so anyway, no one can find Kate's husband right now but we're still looking.


All of us were so tired last night after an evening of getting acquainted with some locals who took us to a godless part of town and asked if we would give "cupos" to the el-coppos (police in American). The purpose was to repay the police for their tireless efforts in that part of the city. However, the police were angry for some reason but they took the cupos anyway. It felt good to help them out. They said something about not patrolling a key anymore. I don't know what was so special about a key, but they promised to stay away from "a key." All our new Peruvian friends were so excited. They took us back to our hotel except for Kate's husband whom they said they needed for an insurance policy. I didn't know he sold insurance since we were too busy with other things. I hope we find him soon.
The weather is fine today - about 74 degrees and partly sunny. We thought we would take a leisurely drive over to Brazil and then one of our new friends asked if we would take him to Colombia and we have to go see his friend Leticia - he doesn't speak American well so all I understand is that the best way to get to Colombia is through Leticia so she must have some coupons or something to make the trip better. We'll be bringing back coca, which I guess is the messican word for Coca Cola - and he said we had to do this "rapido". He promised me $10 for gasoline - I felt like I was taking advantage of him but we will be witnessing to him about Jesus so if we save his soul I think that's worth ten bucks, don't you? He even gave me a new nickname: "huelepedo." I think it means "gnathologist" in messican.


Everyone sends their love. We have seen many peru messicans on their knees during our journey and we intend to see MANY more. We are holding the name of JESUS high and spreading His love to as many as possible. I sure wish we had cleft sticks. Well, someone's at the door yelling something about Camello. No one here by that name, but I better see what he wants.


COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry


PS: Brother Faith, why not fly down and spread Christ's love with us?

[Basilissa]

Re: Reports from South America

We'll be bringing back coca, which I guess is the messican word for Coca Cola

Yes, it is, unless they refer to "coca blanca," which is a type of flour. Some of the bakers get very jittery when you get too close to their flour, but they appreciate all help transporting it. Many of them are very rich, too; they often have several beautiful houses, some in the city, some in the country. Very lovely people, just don't ask them for any baking recipes, they get very tense when asked that question. I think they are secret or something.

"huelepedo." I think it means "gnathologist" in messican.

This is going to be a completely unrelated note, but you should cut down eating beans, Brother. There are many fine Peruvian dishes which do not include them. Have you tried parihuela yet?

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Reports from South America

Dear Sister Basilissa,


First let me praise God that we found Sister Kate's husband wandering an alleyway, safe and sound. He is begging us to fly home tomorrow but he won't say why. I think it's the devil trying to keep us from rescuing more souls from the pits of hell. We will not be defeated.


I have not had the dish you mentioned but it is on the hotel menu. I am a bit fearful of the sauce that it includes but I am told that I should not be. We had quite a fright when we chose a dish called "cuy" and they brought us what appeared to be a curled up rat with a side of potatoes. On that note, I am shocked by how many kinds of potatoes there are here. I asked for some French fries and eventually was able to yell it loud enough for the putas (that's messican for waitresses) to understand.


Well, I am about to embark on our mission to Brazil and Colombia. Brother Farmer promises to write his account of how our journey is going very soon and if Tommy ever wakes up he will, too.


I hope we will find many messicans in these other countries willing to open themselves to us as the peru messicans have. However, I am hopeful that the brazil messicans are a bit nicer. The guy screaming at our door today searched our room for DRUGS, thinking we were selling them. How ridiculous. I rebuked him in Jesus Name. He tried to make up by giving me a plastic rosary, which I threw against the wall after he walked out of the room. There are lots of mary worshippers here.


Pray for us!
BrotherLarry


PS: Some have asked us to post pictures. Perhaps the other guys will eventually; frankly we just haven't been dressed for it much.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Reports from South America

I've finally found a moment to report back. We have spent many intimate moments together and been out and about converting the locals.

How many of you know what the official flag of Cusco is? I kid you not!


So, as you can imagine the place is teeming with faggots. Plenty of ripe pickings for us True Christians™. We plucked this young lad straight off his camelllama right under the noses of perverted natives who had filthy ideas about him. We took him back to our hotel room, stripped off his girly rags, and bathed him.



The look of wonderment on his face and the love he bestowed on us when we introduced him to our Saviour® is something I will remember for the rest of my days.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Reports from South America

Um, Jim - we baptized him - we didn't bathe him. Remember, that's our story and we must keep to it. I mean, he did bathe but we were in the next room praying.


I had a great suggestion that everyone shot down like a wild turkey so I am a little miffed right now, Lord help me. I thought since south Sudan is having such issues with famine that we could drive there. I looked on a map and from what I can figure it isn't that far from where we are to there but noooooo, all the guys kept saying I was looking at a whole other continent. How many continents can look exactly the same? But I sent some money with this very nice man I met downstairs and he is going to personally drive it to Sudan on my behalf - so I did my part to help those poor starving people. (It also restored my faith in the south American messicans to show such care and concern for their neighbors.)


I have another praise report! Not only did we save the young man Jim talked about in his post, but we were able to gain entrance to a primarily homer drinking establishment where we left Chick tracts and fellowshipped with hundreds of sinners. Downtown Vale Todo proved to be a place where Brother James was on his knees in front of the whole crowd, begging them to accept his love. We split up briefly, with some of our entourage staying at Todo while others went to another place called Legendaris. I personally ministered to at least 30 there and ensured their needs were met. I cannot help but think all of Heaven is rejoicing over this trip; I know we are.


Brother James is going to ask Kate's husband his name soon if we can get him to stop stuffing his face long enough! We then must all get together and decide how much longer we're going to stay in the Lima area. My trip to Colombia was quite productive and for my efforts I was paid a tithe from a very nice man who has a huge mansion in the country and a beautiful apartment in town. Of course the tithe will go to Landover. This man said not to give his name or address to anyone - and get this - he said, "Or I'll KILL you." LOL
Peru messicans have a great sense of humor.


I am hoping Argentina is a day trip so I can go there and pretend to cry while and sing "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina." Oh, and we'll witness about Jesus there, too when we have time. So much to see and do. Continue to pray for us as we continue to be putos for the Lord (that means to be servants for the Lord).


BrotherLarry

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: Reports from South America

Well, what a great idea this has been. Thanks to all who came. This was exactly what I needed to pull be out of that rut I've been in lately. With the ministrations of Brother Larry and the other gentlemen here with us I have come to realize that my grief was totally misplaced.


My, my, my throat is in agony from all the orating I have been performing. Quite a few people have said that I am a master of the oral art.


It seems that whoever has been following me around is still out there. Again, this morning I found socks had been taken from my travelling trunk.


Well, I must be off now. Brother Larry says he has found a super place to go to. He says that we have a few back alleys to go up before we get there. I do hope we will be safe.


TTFN
YIC
TT
P.s. Sister Kate, we still don't know your husband's name but he keeps mentioning that he is in quite a lot of pain. Other than that he seems ok apart from the fact that he has difficulty sitting down.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Reports from South America

Brother James and I are finally prepared to head to Rio for some witnessing in the sun and surf. We found a great deal on sunblock since we intend to spread the light of the Son by the light of the sun.


James and I both felt it was a good idea to send Kate her husband back and of course Tom will travel with him to ensure his safety since that's what was promised. Without coming out and saying it, it just wouldn't be pleasing to God for two True Christian gentlemen to be in the company of those whose faith is lesser than ours. How can we expect the Lord to bless us if we do?


I know, Matthew Chapter 9 tells us Jesus visited publicans and sinners, but Jesus has other ideas for Brother Jim and I - Glory to God. I love sinful men so, as we should - but I think the Lord also wants us to keep our distance (John 17:14-15) lest people forget that we are Children of the King (1 Peter 2:9).


But anyway: Jim and I hope to be Rio's version of Paul and Jan Crouch, evangelizing the region with the truth of the Gospel while seeking out those most suitable for Christian fellowship. (I think Jim will be Paul and I'll be Jan)


So get the lead out, Farmer! That Jeep isn't going to drive itself, my friend. I wish you could see him all sprawled out. He looks so manly and pleasing to Christ. But it's time for me to get him up.


Keep praying for us!

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: Reports from South America

Well, finally I am home. What a fantastic few days of ministration that was.
As agreed with the others I drooped Kate's husband(?) off at home. No-one was home so I just left him on the doorstep. He shouldn't move or, if he does, it won't be very far. We still never found out what his name was as from the time we arrived in the messican lands he was practically catatonic. I think that with all the ministrating he was just totally overwhelmed.


Sister Kate, please contact me as soon as you see this. There are some other things we need to discuss that should not be aired on a public forum. Larry and the rest of the lads sent their best wishes and all hope your husband(?) recovers soon and lets them know his name.


YIC
Brother Thomas

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Reports from South America

And so it ends...

Brother Jimmie Farmer and I returned the rental El Jeepo back in Lima and are now enjoying a cold drink of bottled water prior to boarding our plane back to our respective homes. Amazingly, the Lord arranged it so our planes leave at almost the same time. This is how the grace of God works when you serve Him faithfully.


I can't begin to tell you the number of souls saved during this mission. I don't think James could either. All I can say is it was worth every moment and it will certainly be a journey I make again someday.


We believe our next mission will be to Key West, then Provincetown, and then San Francisco. I hope more brothers will join us then.


With our love,
Jimmie and Larry