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  • Esther B.
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Sep 2012
    • 575
    #1

    Happy Birthday, Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson!

    Happy Birthday, my dear Sister in Christ! I hope God blessed you on your special day! I sent you a gift a few days ago, so I hope it arrived on time.
    And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
    Deuteronomy 6.5
    Tags: None
    • Mary Etheldreda
      Gushing for Jesus
       
      • Sep 2011
      • 23775
      #2
      Re: Happy Birthday, Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson!

      Happy Birthday, Mrs. Johnson! May the LORD bless you with extra energy to look after your family on this special day!
      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

        Comment

        • Joanna Lytton-Vasey
          True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
           
          • Jul 2014
          • 8459
          #3
          Re: Happy Birthday, Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson!

          Happy Birthday, Elizabeth dear. I will pray that you become a True Christian(tm) before you are a year older, by which time it will almost certainly be too late.
          Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

            Comment

            • handmaiden
              Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
              True Christian™
              • May 2010
              • 11658
              #4
              Re: Happy Birthday, Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson!

              Happy Birthday to Mrs. Johnson. May your father find you a second husband ere you have wasted too many eggs.


              His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

              Guns For God and the Economy

                Comment

                • Basilissa
                  South of the Border outreach program
                  True Christian™
                   
                  • Mar 2013
                  • 12997
                  #5
                  Re: Happy Birthday, Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson!

                  Happy Birthday, Mrs. Johnson!

                  Since you have already received a very lovely cake from Miss Handmaiden, I baked a modest "I love LBC" apple pie for you:



                  I'll be sending it to you via Prayer™.
                  God created fossils to test our faith.

                  * * *

                  My favorite LBC sermons:
                  True Christians are Perfect!
                  True Christian™ Love.
                  Salvation™ made Easy!
                  You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                  Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                  Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                   Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                  Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                  The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                  Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                  God HATES Rational Thinking!
                  True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                    Comment

                    • handmaiden
                      Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
                      True Christian™
                      • May 2010
                      • 11658
                      #6
                      Re: Happy Birthday, Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson!

                      Originally posted by Basilissa View Post
                      Happy Birthday, Mrs. Johnson!

                      Since you have already received a very lovely cake from Miss Handmaiden, I baked a modest "I love LBC" apple pie for you:



                      I'll be sending it to you via Prayer™.
                      Dear Sister Basilissa. You are so thoughtful. My own was --ahem--store bought. For some reason the cake decorator looked askance at my request. (I imagine that a pro-homo message would have been fulfilled without a blink.)
                      His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

                      Guns For God and the Economy

                        Comment

                        • BrotherLarry
                          Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2014
                          • 2266
                          #7
                          Re: Happy Birthday, Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson!

                          Hey there,


                          I hope your birthday is very special and that the Lord removes the memories of that painful day when someone savagely and brutally murdered your loving husband just to make you available to them which hasn't happened yet. I know it's hard to think of that bullet striking him down and it must be difficult to picture him as he fell on his left side, grasping his wound as he called out the name "Virginia."


                          It has to torment you to think of his loud, piercing scream when the heat of the bullet started to send those awful painful messages to his brain, and to envision his blood as it coated the pavement all around him as the shooter ran northwest of the crime scene and got into his rental car (a 2015 Chrysler 300) and then went to the Comfort Inn before heading back to NYC or wherever the shooter was from.


                          Happiest of Birthdays, Sister!
                          BrotherLarry
                          Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
                          “The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

                          Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
                          Amen and Amen

                            Comment

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