I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

[Brother D. Thomas]

_______________________________


Fellow TRUE Christians, after reading ALL of the bible, I have come across some very revealing passages,
no pun intended, that are hard to accept relative to our Jesus' modus operandi of being GAY!

I don't have to tell you how the Hell Bound Atheists will use every opportunity to demean our Bronze and
Iron Age faith, therefore I am seeking advice on how to spin doctor the following passages and narratives,
that in part, explicitly show our Jesus being GAY!


1. Jesus objected to being touched by Mary as he states in this verse:

"Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them,
"I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God." (John 20:17)

But in turn, Jesus lets Thomas touch him!:

Then Jesus said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and look at My hands. Reach out your hand and put it
into My side. Stop doubting and believe." (John 20:27)



2. In the Gospel of John, the disciple John frequently refers to himself in the third person as 'the disciple whom
Jesus loved'." One might state that Jesus loved all of his followers in a non-sexual way. Thus to identify Jesus'
love for John in a “special way” might indicate a sexual relationship? The disciple was "the beloved," therefore,
he was in a class by himself!



3. I shudder to do the visual upon this following passage!:

“Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from Father
and was going back to Father, got up from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He girded
Himself. Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the
towel with which He was girded” (John 13: 3-5)

OMG! If we do the simple math in this ever so revealing scenario, then when Jesus laid aside his garments,
then took a towel to wrap himself with, then when he used said towel to wipe his disciples feet, with which he
was girded, he had to be NUDE in front of them! Was Jesus teasing his disciples with his blatant nudity?
How GAY can you get?



4. The following passage is said to be like being in the Tenderloin of San Francisco!:

“Then Jesus asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?” (Luke 22:35)

If you can't see Jesus' gay references within this verse, then you are as blind as a bat!



5. Oh no, here we go again with Jesus’ GAYNESS!

During the Last Supper before Jesus' execution, the authors of the Gospel of John describes how the "beloved"
disciple laid himself on Jesus' INNER TUNIC, which is his undergarment. Jesus and the beloved disciple: "...
eat together, side by side. HELLO, JESUS’ GAYDAR IS OFF THE CHARTS!



6. “When the soldiers crucified Jesus, they took his clothes, dividing them into four shares, one for each of them,
with the undergarment remaining. This garment was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom.” (John 19:23)

Admit it, we are told that any “Seamless” undergarment is gayish, 2+2=4!



7. During the crucifixion in John 19:26-28, Jesus is described as seeing his mother and an unidentified man:
"the disciple standing by, whom he loved." Again, Jesus probably loved all of his 12 disciples, but this particular
disciple is identified as "the disciple who Jesus loved.” Could this statement by our Jesus indicate a special
intimate relationship with one special disciple?! What are we to do with our GAY Jesus?



8. In Mark 7:14-16 it shows that Jesus approves of homosexual acts. The critical phrase reads: "There is nothing from
without a man, that entering into him can defile him..." Come on fellow Christians, HELLO?



9. Another revealing GAY incident is when Jesus was arrested by the religious police and it describes how one of
Jesus' YOUNG followers was scantily dressed! Oh really?!

“A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him.
But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.” (Mark 14:51-52)



Barring the fact that our Jesus never married, need I say more relative to the biblical GAYDAR axioms going
off the charts in explicitly showing above that Jesus was blatantly GAY?! HELP!









______________________________

[Basilissa]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

My dearest, most beloved Brother Thomas. I wept as I read your post (I think it was due to the onion I was chopping, but I also wept seeing you hovering dangerously close to the gates of Hell).

1. Jesus objected to being touched by Mary as he states in this verse:

"Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them,
"I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God." (John 20:17)

But in turn, Jesus lets Thomas touch him!:

Then Jesus said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and look at My hands. Reach out your hand and put it
into My side. Stop doubting and believe." (John 20:27)

Dear, there are many reasons why a man would not to be touched by a particular woman. Maybe she looked especially repulsive that day. Or maybe that was her unclean time of the month. Who knows.

2. In the Gospel of John, the disciple John frequently refers to himself in the third person as 'the disciple whom
Jesus loved'." One might state that Jesus loved all of his followers in a non-sexual way. Thus to identify Jesus'
love for John in a “special way” might indicate a sexual relationship? The disciple was "the beloved," therefore,
he was in a class by himself!

I think this is the passage you wanted to refer to, dearest Brother:

John 13:23-25
23 Now there was leaning on Jesus' bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved.
24 Simon Peter therefore beckoned to him, that he should ask who it should be of whom he spake.
25 He then lying on Jesus' breast saith unto him, Lord, who is it?

Now, again, I'm sure there are a million reasons why a disciple would lie on Jesus' bosom and breast. I'm told that is a very manly behavior. I've seen Pastor Zeke do that with his houseboys, there's nothing gay about it!

3. I shudder to do the visual upon this following passage!:

“Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from Father
and was going back to Father, got up from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He girded
Himself. Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the
towel with which He was girded” (John 13: 3-5)

OMG! If we do the simple math in this ever so revealing scenario, then when Jesus laid aside his garments,
then took a towel to wrap himself with, then when he used said towel to wipe his disciples feet, with which he
was girded, he had to be NUDE in front of them! Was Jesus teasing his disciples with his blatant nudity?
How GAY can you get?

Dear, he might have kept his loincloth on. Besides, of course He did not want to dirty/wet His Holy Garments with the dirt on His disciples feet! Duh!

4. The following passage is said to be like being in the Tenderloin of San Francisco!:

“Then Jesus asked them, “When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?” (Luke 22:35)

If you can't see Jesus' gay references within this verse, then you are as blind as a bat!

I may be blind by your standards but my eyes are wide open for Jesus.

6. “When the soldiers crucified Jesus, they took his clothes, dividing them into four shares, one for each of them,
with the undergarment remaining. This garment was seamless, woven in one piece from top to bottom.” (John 19:23)

Admit it, we are told that any “Seamless” undergarment is gayish,

Told by whom?

8. In Mark 7:14-16 it shows that Jesus approves of homosexual acts. The critical phrase reads: "There is nothing from
without a man, that entering into him can defile him..." Come on fellow Christians, HELLO?

Hello, keep reading! "but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man."

9. Another revealing GAY incident is when Jesus was arrested by the religious police and it describes how one of
Jesus' YOUNG followers was scantily dressed! Oh really?!

“A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him.
But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.” (Mark 14:51-52)

I am sorry, dear, but I fail to understand how Jesus was responsible for the acts of some teenager groupies He had.

I will pray for you, Brother Thomas. You seem to be heading on a dangerous path... While this post of yours is blasphemous, you have not committed blasphemy against the Holy Ghost yet, so there is hope (Matt 12:31-32). I will pray for you.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

My dearest, most beloved Brother Thomas. I wept as I read your post ).

Dear, there are many reasons why a man would not to be touched by a particular woman. Maybe she looked especially repulsive that day. Or maybe that was her unclean time of the month. Who knows.

John 13:23-25
23 Now there was leaning on Jesus' bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved.
24 Simon Peter therefore beckoned to him, that he should ask who it should be of whom he spake.
25 He then lying on Jesus' breast saith unto him, Lord, who is it?

Now, again, I'm sure there are a million reasons why a disciple would lie on Jesus' bosom and breast. I'm told that is a very manly behavior. I've seen Pastor Zeke do that with his houseboys, there's nothing gay about it!

I may be blind by your standards but my eyes are wide open for Jesus.

I will pray for you, Brother Thomas. You seem to be heading on a dangerous path... While this post of yours is blasphemous, you have not committed blasphemy against the Holy Ghost yet, so there is hope (Matt 12:31-32). I will pray for you.

Great observations, Sister Basilissa.

Those of us who are True Christians™ understand the Bible better than others. Yes, we understand why the casual reader might mistaken certain things said by Jesus or said about Jesus by others to imply sexual attraction toward men.

We who know the Bible better can understand not only the Scripture itself but Jesus as a human being. Only a fraction of Jesus' life is chronicled in the Bible. He had off duty time where he watched sports and told guy jokes. And women, we assume his off hours involved a life of the heterosexual male. To assume otherwise is, as you say, blasphemous.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

Oh look, a covert homosexual living in 2018, and Biblically illiterate, is trying to project his own modern bullshit queer interpretation onto ancient texts, which he does not understand.

Thomas, I'm going to go see our senior pastors and ask them not to ban you from this site, because the Bible encourages forgiveness.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

Fag.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

8. In Mark 7:14-16 it shows that Jesus approves of homosexual acts. The critical phrase reads: "There is nothing from
without a man, that entering into him can defile him..." Come on fellow Christians, HELLO?

Tes, this is the pivotal verse. Unfortunately, we have to be graphic, but the issue is if penetration of a man by another man is sinful. Thankfully, Sister Basilissa completed the verse, as follows:

Hello, keep reading! "but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man."

Now, this is actually one of the most pressing and urgent issues that Modern Creation Science is tackling with. We have not been idle, however. We have dedicated a whole research project to this, and our preliminary results have been available for a while now.

Matthew 15:11
Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.

It seems obvious to us because of the apparent improbability of the alternative that this is about food regulations. But why should it be only about that? The irrefutable logic of this case goes as follows (profanities unavoidable):

• A man lets another man enter him orally by inserting his penis into the mouth of the other man.
• The act of the penis going into the mouth does not defile a man.
• When the penis comes out, the man is defiled.
• If the penis remains in the mouth, there is no defiling.

The scenario is thus imaginable but obviously hard to realize. The aspiring Christians would have to spend the rest of their lives in tight congress with the penis of the other in the mouth of his partner. It can be done. A suitable tube can be inserted to provide the receiving man sustenance in the form of liquid foods, or parenteral nutrition can be used. If the penetrating partner perishes, postmortem amputation followed by swallowing prevents the penis from exiting from the mouth. It is hard but Jesus did not want to make life easy for us!

However, does this mean that Jesus would have been one of the gay kind? Here, we must consider the logical and spiritual inevitability of Redemption. Jesus redeemed us (not everyone but us who follow Him by Excclesiastes 12:13 and John 3:16-18) by freeing us from sin (Romans 6:18). This could logically and spiritually be attained only by torturing Jesus, who was at the moment bearing all possible sins except one (Matthew 12:31).

1 Peter 2:24
Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

Now, the one sin He did not bear (Matthew 12:31) is not homosexual behavior. So, also the sins of gaydom were carried by Jesus unto the cross. In this manner, at that moment, Jesus was obviously a homosexual, a pederast, self-blasphemer, apple thief, Democrat, Catholic, Calvinist, Feminist, one who wore women's clothing, a cosmological scientists, a secular charlatan, etc. etc., including all the abominable sins except one (Matthew 12:31). But those were not part of His essence, those were only attached to Him in the manner one carries a rucksack.

Thus, Jesus was not a vile gay as He is God (John 10:30) and a Real American™ but He knew intimately the alluring sin of man-to-man fornication. But He knew intimately also the future sin of evolutionary theory and the useless cuneiform syllabics of Assyrian and Hittite, etc. etc. That did not make Him a Hittite or a Luwian or Charles Darwin.

So, while it remains undetermined if rectal gay sex is acceptable if the inserted phallic body part remains in the lower colon for eternity, we can assure everyone that based on Logic and Spirituality, Jesus only transmitted the sin of gayishness along with others into oblivion but even though He knew in the minutest detail all the intricacies of gay intercourse, He did not bodily participate is such actions. I do know that Matthew 5:28 will seem hard to swallow within this context, but, as we know, Jesus also carried adultery unto the cross, so it is fixed. Q.E.D.





Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Adam Fag]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

If "John" comes down to us from the one whom Christ loved, why does that have to mean a man? And if it's not a man, there's no need for him to be gay. Where does it say Christ had no wife BTW?

[Elmer G. White]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

If "John" comes down to us from the one whom Christ loved, why does that have to mean a man? And if it's not a man, there's no need for him to be gay. Where does it say Christ had no wife BTW?

Mr. Fag, despite being a vile sinner, you may actually have a grain of truth over there. In fact, we must remember that, indeed, nothing 'has to be anything' when it comes to an omnipotent being, Jesus Christ (Revelation 19:6). Praise Him!

So, based on your sinful musings, it does not have to mean a man, He does not need to be gay or anything. But if He is, He can still be free from sin. It is a paradox but only here on Earth. In the Spiritual realm there is no paradox. Jesus can create a stone too heavy for Him to lift. Then He can lift it. He just is what He pleases. If He decides to manifest as a lawnmower, we still have to obey Him! Glory!

Exodus 3:14
And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.

Fortunately, for easy viewing, He's decided not to be a lawnmower but a cereal.

John 6:48
I am that bread of life.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Brother D. Thomas]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

My dearest, most beloved Brother Thomas. I wept as I read your post (I think it was due to the onion I was chopping, but I also wept seeing you hovering dangerously close to the gates of Hell).

Dear, there are many reasons why a man would not to be touched by a particular woman. Maybe she looked especially repulsive that day. Or maybe that was her unclean time of the month. Who knows.

I think this is the passage you wanted to refer to, dearest Brother:

John 13:23-25
23 Now there was leaning on Jesus' bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved.
24 Simon Peter therefore beckoned to him, that he should ask who it should be of whom he spake.
25 He then lying on Jesus' breast saith unto him, Lord, who is it?

Now, again, I'm sure there are a million reasons why a disciple would lie on Jesus' bosom and breast. I'm told that is a very manly behavior. I've seen Pastor Zeke do that with his houseboys, there's nothing gay about it!

Dear, he might have kept his loincloth on. Besides, of course He did not want to dirty/wet His Holy Garments with the dirt on His disciples feet! Duh!

I may be blind by your standards but my eyes are wide open for Jesus.

Told by whom?

Hello, keep reading! "but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man."

I am sorry, dear, but I fail to understand how Jesus was responsible for the acts of some teenager groupies He had.

I will pray for you, Brother Thomas. You seem to be heading on a dangerous path... While this post of yours is blasphemous, you have not committed blasphemy against the Holy Ghost yet, so there is hope (Matt 12:31-32). I will pray for you.

____________________________________


Basilissa,

I too was weeping after coming across the passages in question relative to the GAYDAR breaking the machine regarding Jesus being gay!
Yes, I have smelled sulfur before many times when questioning our Bronze and Iron Age bible, but when I do, and as you know,
I just remind Jesus that I still believe in him and I am always forgiven. (Acts 10:43)

You may be right about our Jesus not wanting to touch Mary as described, Yahweh only knows that I felt the same way with my 7th wife
many times when looking at her in the morning after her sleepless night.

I still can’t buy the act that his disciples lying upon his bosom and tunic isn’t being somewhat “gayish!”

Regarding Jesus washing his disciples feet all the time, where it may have been a “foot fetish,” the fact remains that he disrobed first, where
he could have just used the towel that he got first in washing his disciples feet, and remained fully dressed! We all know how tricky
Jesus can be at times, therefore He may have been flaunting his “manhood” to his disciples, ewwwwwww!

I am sorry that you don’t fully see that when Jesus mentions to his disciples that a “purse, bag, and sandals” were absent from
their being, that these items are not “gayish!”

Seamless undergarments are gayish according to this explicit link below, of which I am assuming they were “gayish” in Jesus’ time as well.

https://www.amazon.com/Rainbow-Pride-Seamless-Breathable-Underwear/dp/B074K4Y2B8?th=1

In mentioning Mark 7:14-16, I was embarrassed to quote the rest of the passage where you show it stating; “but the things which come out
of him, those are they that defile the man." Coming out of him” has many gay inferences, therefore,
I’ll leave it up to the reader on where they have to go on this proposition, ewwwwww!

In referencing Jesus’ YOUNG follower that allowed himself to be nude in front of our Savior, speaks for itself! Don’t tell me
that this young boy didn’t plan this event for teasing Jesus for ungodly activities later on that day!

Basilissa, thank you for your prayers because they are always needed when questioning our Judeo-Christian bible in the 21st century.

In the name of the hung Savior,

Brother D. Thomas


___________________________

[Brother D. Thomas]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

Oh look, a covert homosexual living in 2018, and Biblically illiterate, is trying to project his own modern bullshit queer interpretation onto ancient texts, which he does not understand.

Thomas, I'm going to go see our senior pastors and ask them not to ban you from this site, because the Bible encourages forgiveness.

_______________________________


Faith_Machine,

Thank you for following our Jesus' inspired word relating to forgiveness, because in doing so, you have saved your ass as well.

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their
trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6: 14-15)


In the name of the hung Savior,

Brother D. Thomas

___________________________

[Brother D. Thomas]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

If "John" comes down to us from the one whom Christ loved, why does that have to mean a man? And if it's not a man, there's no need for him to be gay. Where does it say Christ had no wife BTW?

__________________________

Adam F*g,

My dear brother in Christ, Jesus, either as Yahweh god incarnate, or as Jesus, the son of Yahweh, had to follow the inspired word of himself,
or his father regarding marriage to the 2nd class woman.

"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do." (1 Corinthians 7:8)

The above passage is referring to Jewish Christians that were to be heaven bound upon Jesus' horrific bloody return as described in the book
of Revelation. As we are aware, it has been 2018 years and counting for the eventful outcome of Jesus returning. Therefore, do all Christians
that are married at this time go against the inspired word of our Jesus, spoken by Paul? YIKES!


In the name of the hung Savior,

Brother D. Thomas


_________________________________

[Faith_Machine]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

I'm sorry I said, "bull****."

I just get so angry when people call Jesus a pole-smoker.

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

Dear Everyone on the Forums,

Please do not confuse me with Brother D. Thomas. I in no way, shape or form subscribe to his misdirected, and obviously flawed, interpretations of God's Holy Word.


Jesus was not a fruitbox.


Yours In Christ


Thomas Taylor

[Adam Fag]

Re: I am having trouble with Jesus being GAY!!!

Why do I need to quote your post?

Jesus never married

And mine?

Where does it say Christ had no wife?