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  • Elmer G. White
    Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
    Victim of atheist scientific persecution
     
    • Apr 2014
    • 10260
    #1

    Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

    Dear Brother in Christ,

    It must be a source of constant Joy to you to have your Birthday so close to Jesus's and you lifetime and its End so close to Jesus's Second Coming and his smiting of the billions of sinners!



    Revelation 19:21
    And the remnant were slain with the sword of him that sat upon the horse, which sword proceeded out of his mouth: and all the fowls were filled with their flesh.

    Exciting times ahead! May we meet next year in Heaven!


    Yours in Christ,

    Elmer
    2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



    PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
    Check out our Research in Creation Science:
    Tags: None
    • Harsha Shah
      Curry slurping demon
       
      • Aug 2014
      • 321
      #2
      Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

      Yes, Mr. Machine. I am wishing you a very nice birthday, yes! I am hoping that I am not offending you with my wishes but I am thinking that it is very nice that we are visiting this nice forum on the same day, yes. I am thinking that it is good karma and that you are going to be having a nice year. Yes.
      "Ecclesiastes 3:7
      A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak."      Yes. Women are saving lives. It is time we are speaking! Yes!

        Comment

        • Faith_Machine
          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 10049
          #3
          Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

          Thank you Dr. White, and young Harsha.

          I would like to remind everybody that, just because my birthday is close to Christmas, that doesn't mean it's OK to combine the two events and only get me one present.
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

            Comment

            • Joanna Lytton-Vasey
              True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
               
              • Jul 2014
              • 8372
              #4
              Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

              Brother Faith_Machine, we are all praying for you on your birthday and hope that you enjoy this year's set of hand-drawn Bible illustrations that the younger children made especially for you. Apparently Deuteronomy was a lot more fun to draw than Numbers.

              I hope to see you at the Right Hand of Our Lord before they address their artistic talents to the Book of Joshua.


              Yours in True Christian(tm) love,
              Joanna
              Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

                Comment

                • Isabella White
                  True Christian™ Icon of Feminine Virtue
                   
                  • Mar 2019
                  • 4284
                  #5
                  Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

                  Oh, my! A birthday that is so close to the birth of our beloved and is truly a blessed occasion. May I take this opportunity to wish you the most happiest of birthdays, dear Brother Faith. I do so hope that my cake will be most fitting for your joyous day.

                  Sincerely, Isabella W.
                  (Mrs.) Isabella White

                  Hebrews 10:19 " Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the of "

                    Comment

                    • I Man Rastafari
                      Possibly retarded pothead
                      • Oct 2015
                      • 1019
                      #6
                      Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

                      Greetings!

                      And felicitations on your birthday! I am rolling a large spliff which I will shortly smoke to honor you on this most glorious occasion. How old are you today?

                      Jah Guide!
                      Trevor
                      Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4

                        Comment

                        • Faith_Machine
                          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Mar 2011
                          • 10049
                          #7
                          Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

                          Please don't.
                          WARNING:
                          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                            Comment

                            • Mary Etheldreda
                              Gushing for Jesus
                               
                              • Sep 2011
                              • 23775
                              #8
                              Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

                              A happy belated birthday to you, Brother! You are indeed a Machine of Faith! And, despite your avatar picture, you're not gay thank God, because those people are everywhere.
                              Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                                Comment

                                • Faith_Machine
                                  Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Mar 2011
                                  • 10049
                                  #9
                                  Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

                                  Thank you. Definitely not gay.
                                  WARNING:
                                  In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                                  REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                                    Comment

                                    • Vengeance Puriel
                                      Striving in vain for the good ol' corteous Edwardian grace
                                      Forum Member
                                      • Jun 2018
                                      • 324
                                      #10
                                      Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

                                      Happy Belated Birthday Faith Machine..
                                      -Ps 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
                                      -Ps 33:4 For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.
                                      -James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.

                                        Comment

                                        • BibleReader2231
                                          Forum Member
                                          Forum Member
                                          • Jul 2018
                                          • 567
                                          #11
                                          Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

                                          Happy belated birthday Mister Faith Machine. May you have had a blessed birthday and that you will have a happy 2020 ahead of you. I’m not sure if anyone has offered so I thought I would out of kindness and Christian grace. If you want, I’d be willing to host a belated birthday party at my house for you. I’m sure my Pa would be okay with it.

                                          Yours in Christ,

                                          Maxine Levantine
                                          My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).

                                            Comment

                                            • Vengeance Puriel
                                              Striving in vain for the good ol' corteous Edwardian grace
                                              Forum Member
                                              • Jun 2018
                                              • 324
                                              #12
                                              Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

                                              Originally posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
                                              Happy belated birthday Mister Faith Machine. May you have had a blessed birthday and that you will have a happy 2020 ahead of you. I’m not sure if anyone has offered so I thought I would out of kindness and Christian grace. If you want, I’d be willing to host a belated birthday party at my house for you. I’m sure my Pa would be okay with it.

                                              Yours in Christ,

                                              Maxine Levantine
                                              correct me if im wrong but aren't you 18 now? Your signature is still saying 17.
                                              -Ps 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
                                              -Ps 33:4 For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.
                                              -James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.

                                                Comment

                                                • Joanna Lytton-Vasey
                                                  True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
                                                   
                                                  • Jul 2014
                                                  • 8372
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

                                                  Originally posted by Vengeance Puriel View Post
                                                  correct me if im wrong but aren't you 18 now? Your signature is still saying 17.
                                                  Only 18?
                                                  Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

                                                    Comment

                                                    • Mary Etheldreda
                                                      Gushing for Jesus
                                                       
                                                      • Sep 2011
                                                      • 23775
                                                      #14
                                                      Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

                                                      Originally posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
                                                      birthday party at my house for you. I’m sure my Pa would be okay with it.
                                                      Faith Machine has just recently confirmed again that he is not gay. Not even for your pa.
                                                      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                                                        Comment

                                                        • Basilissa
                                                          South of the Border outreach program
                                                          True Christian™
                                                           
                                                          • Mar 2013
                                                          • 12920
                                                          #15
                                                          Re: Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!

                                                          Originally posted by Vengeance Puriel View Post
                                                          correct me if im wrong but aren't you 18 now? Your signature is still saying 17.
                                                          Originally posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
                                                          Only 18?
                                                          She's been 17 for two? Three years now? Something like that. Must be some sort of a miracle.
                                                          God created fossils to test our faith.

                                                          * * *

                                                          My favorite LBC sermons:
                                                          True Christians are Perfect!
                                                          True Christian™ Love.
                                                          Salvation™ made Easy!
                                                          You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                                                          Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                                                          Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                                                           Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                                                          Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                                                          The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                                                          Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                                                          God HATES Rational Thinking!
                                                          True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                                                            Comment

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