[Prayer Warrior]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Oh God, oh God, oh God, as of this morning my bank account is overdrawn, and they are hitting me with a very large overdraft fee.

At this point, any kind donations you all are good enough to send me would first have to get my balance to $0.00 before I could even access any donations on top of that.

Please, please, please send whatever you can.

Please help me, it's been extremely cold these last few nights:

Anomalously cold temperatures grip the San Francisco Bay Area as a slight chance of rain lingers

Maybe it's time to let that bank go and declare bankruptcy? If Trump can do it why not you?


Sure, they can dock official over the table wages but not if you have no wages to dock.


Maybe you can find one of those under the table cash jobs like all those illegal immigrants. I'm sure the pastors can come up with some alternative payment methods. You can cheat the IRS and your debtors but not God.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Maybe it's time to let that bank go and declare bankruptcy? If Trump can do it why not you?
Sure, they can dock official over the table wages but not if you have no wages to dock.
Maybe you can find one of those under the table cash jobs like all those illegal immigrants. I'm sure the pastors can come up with some alternative payment methods. You can cheat the IRS and your debtors but not God.

If our dear friend Faith takes out bankruptcy his remaining assets will be taken, sold and the proceeds divided among those to whom he owes money. We at Landover Baptist must use our sharp elbows to be first in line to collect his tithe.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

I'm not merely sitting here drinking my Crystal Champagne (1971), I am actively thinking of solutions: Is selling oneself into indentured labor still an option in this country or have the democrats banned it?

[Didymus Much]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

...Is selling oneself into indentured labor still an option in this country or have the democrats banned it?

Unsure, but it wouldn't really help FM in this case. Yes, he could put that towards this month's tithe, but he can't go selling himself again to pay next month's, can he?

[James Hutchins]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Don't joo Jesus


Like beggars rummaging though the dumpster behind the Landover Mens Club, looking for half eaten PorterHouse. Then they complain about the food they STOLE and expect special treatment. You want to eat at His Divine Table(tm) expect to pick up the check.


God never asks us for anything more than we can do. So when He says 'Give me 150%', it is His Faith in YOU that you can and will perform. Only the Devil likes a cry baby.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

II Thessalonians 2:3-4 Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition; who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Brother FM. I haven’t seen you around lately when I come to Pastor Zeke’s home to clean out his pipes and spit polish his septic tank system. Perhaps it’s time to negotiate more night hours at his home to offset the cost of tithing? I would be wary about tithing less overall, as The Bible is very clear on what would happen otherwise. 2 Corinthians 9:6 shows us that the more we tithe, the more we receive. Perhaps you haven’t been tithing enough which has led to your financial woes? Try outsourcing some of your extra income to Papoff Ministries and see if that fixes your issue. As an ex-nigra I work hard and still tithe what I can in the hopes that I will have the same bountiful blessings as the wonderful white people of Freehold. I expect you to reach that salvation before I do.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

As an ex nigra I work hard and still tithe what I can in the hopes that I will have the same bountiful blessings as the wonderful white people of Freehold. I expect you to reach that salvation before I do.

I think Uncle Rutherford is on to a solution here. It is to work off the tithe. Sweeping Pastor Zeke's driveway--all kinds of work to be done.

The only caution is this. Uncle Rutherford never shares what he sees or hears around Pastor Zeke's place. Uncle may know things the rest of us should not know. Jesus knows and will take care of it. Do like Uncle Rutherford and keep your secrets.

[Roland]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

"Uncle Rutherford never shares what he sees or hears around Pastor Zeke's place"


What is wrong with that? It seems like a smart thing to do.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

On more than one occasion I have posted money making miracle ideas in which our FM could have participated. Alas I see no evidence of his interest in those. I find it hard to find extra funds for helping someone who won’t help themselves. So sorry. But Jesus tells us to give away our possessions and serve Him. What a great opportunity for you! Blessings!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Unsure, but it wouldn't really help FM in this case. Yes, he could put that towards this month's tithe, but he can't go selling himself again to pay next month's, can he?

True... true... but I note you've not come up with any better ideas, for example, does he have a painting that he could sell?

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

"Uncle Rutherford never shares what he sees or hears around Pastor Zeke's place"


What is wrong with that? It seems like a smart thing to do.

I’m sure Mayor Hold means to never reveal Pastor Zeke’s secrets lest you become unsaved. It’s a word of caution for Brother FM to follow.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Things are looking up! I haven't been forced to sleep outdoors, because some very nice people from a church in Redwood City/Menlo Park have taken me in!

The church is called Eckankar. Have you heard of it? I think it's Dutch or Swedish or something.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

I must say I'm disheartened to hear about Brother Faith Machine's fall in the eyes of the lord and the loss of his good standing as a member of the congregation. As we remember 1 Samuel 2:7, I find comfort in knowing that God has a plan for all of us. Will His plan for Faith Machine's reduce him to the status of Unsaved Trash? Taking all bets. Amen.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Things are looking up! I haven't been forced to sleep outdoors, because some very nice people from a church in Redwood City/Menlo Park have taken me in!

The church is called Eckankar. Have you heard of it? I think it's Dutch or Swedish or something.

I live in a quaint little cabin on the outskirts of Freehold. Why didn’t you ask me first? I have some extra straw mats laying outside somewhere and a nice river a half a mile away for you to wash up in (provided the PFAS God laid there for us doesn’t kill you).