My dog is missing, feared dead.

[Marshall]

My dog has come up missing fellow believers. I am afeared that Jesus swept Ol Bullitt straight to the Pearly Gates last night since I haven't seen hide nor hair of his sweet face since around 10 my time yesterday night. Either he's dead and gone or some Godless hippy stole him free and clear. I went searching but found no paw prints or tire marks so I am siding on logic and assuming he was swept up bodily in the arms of our sweet Saviour.
This was a high quality dog too. Not one of them sissy dogs like some queer in Hollywood would have. He was a real mans dog, a Bloodhound. He came from the Wiseman family line of hounds dating all the way back to the War of Northern Aggression when Jedidiah Wiseman II got "Yankee Jim" from a Yank he found dead in a ditch and still tied to the poor animal. Since then we Wisemans have had a reputation for breeding only the finest and most Christian dogs around. Bullitt was my pride and joy for 12 years and I will miss him a whole bushel.
He holds the Landover record for a treeing dog too with 137 treed Wiccans and 121 treed hippies. His tally for deer, possums and coons is lost to my memory. Well into the high triple digits I know.
Now I got to get a new one out of the kennel to love on.

[Osambo 08]

Re: My dog died.

Do dogs go to Doggy Heaven?

[Marshall]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

If one was to make it to Jesus side it would be this one. He kept my land free of Wiccans and hippies for over a decade. No telling how many troublemakers and negros he chased off. Seems blacks only like big dogs if they're retarded(pitbulls).
Anyhow. My dogs gone.

[Osambo 08]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

If one was to make it to Jesus side it would be this one. He kept my land free of Wiccans and hippies for over a decade. No telling how many troublemakers and negros he chased off. Seems blacks only like big dogs if they're retarded(pitbulls).
Anyhow. My dogs gone.

There are hardly any Blacks in Iowa ,and I sincerely doubt that they would spend their time in Freehold stealing pies and watermelons!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

There are hardly any Blacks in Iowa ,and I sincerely doubt that they would spend their time in Freehold stealing pies and watermelons!

Don't try and cover for your "brothas" boy. We're hip to that slip. One lies and the rest cover for him.



Brother Marshall, I'm sure sorry to hear about your dog. Maybe he'll come wandering in with a witch hand he's been knawing on somewhere. I'll pray for his return.

[Osambo 08]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

Don't try and cover for your "brothas" boy. We're hip to that slip. One lies and the rest cover for him.



Brother Marshall, I'm sure sorry to hear about your dog. Maybe he'll come wandering in with a witch hand he's been knawing on somewhere. I'll pray for his return.

Ugh,nothing can pass your cute eyes,Ezekiel!! old

[Marshall]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

Ugh,nothing can pass your cute eyes,Ezekiel!! old

SINNER!
You come into my serious thread and make a pass at Brother Ezekiel?
That's beyond the pale you queer! You think he's into some sort of dark jungle wiener fever?
Begone and let a poor old farmer mourn his missing hound dog.

[Wide-Open]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

I am truly sorry to hear that Brother Marshall. We Christians are full of love, and we have so much to give we can even give it to our dogs.

Last year, I had to put down my labrador because she was showing homersexual behaviour. It was tough, but it was tough love. So I feel your pain.

[Osambo 08]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

SINNER!
You come into my serious thread and make a pass at Brother Ezekiel?
That's beyond the pale you queer! You think he's into some sort of dark jungle wiener fever?
Begone and let a poor old farmer mourn his missing hound dog.

I wanted to type acute ,but my jigaboo hands are hard to control at times.

I hope your deceased pet gets an abundance of dog chow in Heaven!

[Wide-Open]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

I hope your deceased pet gets an abundance of dog chow in Heaven!

And there friend, lies the rub. I have been thinking about Ol' Bullit for the last hour, wondering if he would go to heaven.

Well, I think he won't. It wouldn't make sense.

Let's face it: what would he do up there? There's nothing to chase, his boss isn't around (yet), and he would constantly need to be reminded to not chase Jesus - thinking (as far as dogs think) that our Dear Lord looks a bot like a hippy. Now, you don't want to tree Baby Jesus, trust me. Further more, there are no bones to throw, no holes to dig in the clouds... for that animal, heaven would be pure hell.

So, I think that animal deserves a better fate. He'll be in hell by now I suppose. Satan will be his new boss, and he will throw wiccans and negras in the hot magma and call for the dog to bring them back. He'll be sniffing butts of vile sinners before he starts chewing on them. Time and time again, for all eternity.

I think the dog will be happier that way. AMEN!

1 Kings 14:11
Him that dieth of Jeroboam in the city shall the dogs eat; and him that dieth in the field shall the fowls of the air eat: for the LORD hath spoken it.

[Marshall]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

I don't know he's dead but I got a strong figuring he might be.

[Ebenezer Wright]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

I don't know he's dead but I got a strong figuring he might be.

Bloodhounds are strong dogs, he may still be alright.

They also have a good nose, maybe he caught wind of those Atheists that were hanging around your property last week and decided to give chase.

I pray he comes back.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

I have had bad experiences with bloodhounds and consider them a liability. What evr you do keep them out on the porch and dont fall asleep near one. The consequences can be upsetting.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

Did anyone check on Hitoshi? The little nip might have run low on food funds and decided on some fine dining this evening.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: My dog is missing, feared dead.

No telling how many [...]negros he chased off. [...]

There are hardly any Blacks in Iowa ,[...]

Coincidence? I think not!

I don't know he's dead but I got a strong figuring he might be.

Brother Marshall, Bullitt hasn't a "ladyfriend" in the district, has he?