[JennyD]

Re: Policing Freehold

To our boys in security: You need to bring any girls caught wearing one of those get-ups directly to my Pastor's Study for interrogation. Day or night.

But . . . but . . . Sister Victory is a MARRIED WOMAN!

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

But . . . but . . . Sister Victory is a MARRIED WOMAN!

I trust that Sister Victory won't be wearing one of these...



I doubt that they make them in that size.

Praise the Lord!
Brother Buford

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

I have always wondered how the un$avED can wear these sorts of things. Isn't it at least uncomfortable if not downRight Painful?

And doesn't it get kinda stinky awful quick?

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 7, 2009

Got behind a car on the highway that was weaving back and fourth and speeding up and slowing down. Pulled the driver over and radioed in the tag for ID and wants.

Seems the car is registered to a good Christian woman, and of course there were no wants.

I approached the driver and I immediately noticed that she was distressed. Her eyes were glazed and bloodshot and she had trouble forming sentences. I asked her what the problem was, and she explained that she was listening to praise music on the way home, and the Holy Spirit simply overwhelmed her with the amazing love of God.

I was so moved I took of my hat, had a short prayer with her, and sent her on her way.

Being a cop means that I see some of the worst people humanity has to offer on a daily basis. It's times like these, when I get to meet some of the best, that really make it worthwhile.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Guess I owe you one, Officer Don PRAISE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

This is a very touching story, Officer Don. I got a bit choked up, though of course I don't do sissy-homo crying or anything like that.

Anyway, about that woman driver. As the inferior sex, women do have a problem operating cars or other complicated machinery. That's why it's best for women to stay home baking pies, scrubbing floors and raising Christian children. In case they raise any objection to that, a few gentle love taps with a baseball bat usually brings them around to a correct way of thinking.

Sometimes Christian men drive erratically like you described above. Especially when they've been taking a few religious sacraments along with their Bible studies.



But it's nothing to be concerned about. Whenever I drive, I know that God is my co-pilot. Therefore there's really no danger to others no matter what my blood alcohol level, or even if I'm conscious.



yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Brother Buford, I notice that the label of the one on the Right says, "SERVE COLD" while the other one advises, "SERVE VERY COLD."

So! Perhaps one might get to spinnin' even quicker if drinking ("What's the Word?") Thunderbird, as opposed to Night Train-Hell Train?

Simply wondering

[Nobar King]

Re: Policing Freehold

Brother Buford, I notice that the label of the one on the Right says, "SERVE COLD" while the other one advises, "SERVE VERY COLD."

You sure have good eyes, sweetie.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2009

Well folks, you're not going to believe this! I was out by the highway again, just enjoying some donuts and coffee and this car goes by. It's going kind of slow and swerving a little just the like the car the day before, but I knew it wasn't.

I immediately began pursuit. I radioed the tags and it was registered to some woman I had never heard of, and dispatch said she didn't go to church as far as they knew.

Once the driver pulled over I approached with great caution. "What seems to be your problem," I asked.

The driver responded in a nervous and unsettled tone: "The Reptilians found me." I had no idea what she was talking about so I ordered her to explain.

Apparently, she honestly believed that a race of reptilian outer-space aliens had implanted a chip in her arm that was tracking her every move.

I was laughing so hard I could barely ask her if she seriously expected me to buy that load of crap. I wrote her a big fat ticket her for reckless and inattentive driving and told her to grow up and have some evidence of her abduction on-hand the next time she wants to convince somebody of her crackpot fantasies.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

You sure have good eyes, sweetie.

As soon as I saw the Wine I figured that either Don Bozo or JESUS would be along pretty soon

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2009

Well folks, you're not going to believe this! I was out by the highway again, just enjoying some donuts and coffee and this car goes by. It's going kind of slow and swerving a little just the like the car the day before, but I knew it wasn't.

I immediately began pursuit. I radioed the tags and it was registered to some woman I had never heard of, and dispatch said she didn't go to church as far as they knew.

Once the driver pulled over I approached with great caution. "What seems to be your problem," I asked.

The driver responded in a nervous and unsettled tone: "The Reptilians found me." I had no idea what she was talking about so I ordered her to explain.

Apparently, she honestly believed that a race of reptilian outer-space aliens had implanted a chip in her arm that was tracking her every move.

I was laughing so hard I could barely ask her if she seriously expected me to buy that load of crap. I wrote her a big fat ticket her for reckless and inattentive driving and told her to grow up and have some evidence of her abduction on-hand the next time she wants to convince somebody of her crackpot fantasies.

If she was fairly young and attractive (as most witches are), I think that a total strip search would have been called for. Not for any debauched reasons, but to check for witch marks, of course.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Policing Freehold

If she was fairly young and attractive (as most witches are), I think that a total strip search would have been called for. Not for any debauched reasons, but to check for witch marks, of course.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

True enough. During the witch hunting season, we can't be too careful. From now on, all suspicious women will be strip-searched for witch markings, with photographs, until further notice. The innocent won't mind.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Policing Freehold

The innocent won't mind.

Quite right, Pastor. As true conservatives know, the innocent have nothing to hide. Only the guilty, and unelected liberal activist judges who twist the Fourth Amendment to coddle them, believe otherwise.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Well the FPD has an entire file cabinet full of witch strip-search pictures. Generally we try to photograph the same witches each year so we can keep a running file on them.

I can make some photocopies for you pastors and church security officers if you want.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Well the FPD has an entire file cabinet full of witch strip-search pictures. Generally we try to photograph the same witches each year so we can keep a running file on them.

I can make some photocopies for you pastors and church security officers if you want.

That's good, but please make them color photocopies. Those black & white ones make it difficult to see some of the witch marks.

Praise Jesus!
Brother Buford